wanting to see his Daddy. Our son is only four and we are in a happy and loving environment now. In a nutshell, this man is very controlling and abusive and in and out of drugs(then he's REALLY psycho!) I feel so torn. I want my son to know his dad but not if it will cause more harm than good. Help! Has anyone been there done that?
2006-10-02 08:29:40 · 11 answers · asked by ? 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
If he's controlling and abusive he should not be allowed any time alone with your son. I have been there and done that. My two oldest sons are paying the price. My situation may be entirely different than yours. I also believed that my children should know their father...he's only mean to me, right? Who would be mean to their own child? Even if he isn't abusive to your son he is still instilling in him his own beliefs and opinions. Beliefs and opinions that you may not share or want your son even hearing.
Until you can be sure of your ex's behavior and temperament go for supervised visits. Would it be possible to get a court ordered psych evaluation for the ex?
Best of luck to you and your son. Follow your hunches and mothers instincts.
2006-10-02 08:54:07 · answer #1 · answered by grannyhuh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't beat yourself up about your son's father. Sociopathy is a mental disease and you can not change anything that he may say or do. I would definetely have the courts push for him to be evaluated and begin treatment if necessary before he spends any time alone with your son.
As for your little boy, here is my experience...maybe something I did will help you.
My husband is Bipolar, he was unmedicated for quite a long time before he had a clinical diagnosis. He was hospitalized several times and when my kids asked for daddy I had to tell them that 'Daddy is sick right now and we need to give him time to get better'. In your case you don't have the benefit of a time-span to tell your son, but it's the same idea. His dad may love him very much but is not making good choices and you might need to wait and see it he gets help to make better choices.
You need to be very careful in your wording because if you phrase things like accusations towards your husband, your son will remember that when he is older. Been there before with my parents.
I wish you much luck! Be strong, your son is counting on it.
2006-10-02 19:23:23 · answer #2 · answered by Pixie Dust 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son only knows that he loves his daddy. He doesn't realize that daddy can hurt him, so you need to make sure he's safe. Supervised visits only. Make sure you have a restraining order against him for yourself if you feel you're still in danger. (Your son will still be able to see his father at a neutral location).
Even with all he's done, NEVER bad-mouth your ex in front of your son. When he's old enough, he'll realize what kind of man his father really is, but if you bad-mouth him, your son will only learn to resent you. It's hard as hell, I know...my step-daughter's mother is bi-polar and recently got custody of her. Because we never talked bad about her, but she did us, my step-daughter hates living with her mother and knows we'll always be here for her. Funny how that worked out.
Basically, your son will get to know the love of his father but you'll protect him from the bad stuff until he's old enough to understand. Then he'll make his own decision and if you've laid a good foundation, he'll choose wisely.
Good luck. My thoughts are with you.
2006-10-02 20:28:42 · answer #3 · answered by Ravennesse 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't want my child to know anybody like that, (father or not)
My son's dad is an alcoholic, and has never seen him. That is the way I like it.
I am now married (to someone else) and my son has a positive role model.
If you really want your son to know his dad, make sure the visits are supervised by someone you trust!
Your son will get over it, and you need to think of his well being before what he wants. That is the hard part of parenting! Get him a positive father figure, so he has someone to look up to instead of someone to learn bad things from.
2006-10-02 17:07:51 · answer #4 · answered by butterfliesbrown 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that...get a good mediator.. show your proof.. ask for supervised visitations.. let your son know his dad you don't want to deal with"well you never let me see him" trust me I'm raising a [psycho's daughter and my step child never asks to see mommy cause she knows mommy is and undependable twit. But I always let her talk and see her... she has formed her own opinion, I didn't have to her her at all,
2006-10-02 21:09:44 · answer #5 · answered by answer_diva 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to court and explain that he needs help before he can be around your son. I think all kids should know their parents but not under those circumstances. It is much healthier to not know his dad, than to know his dad calls his mom names and hits her. that is like teaching him that it is OK, and the cycle will continue when your son grows up and tries to have his own family.
2006-10-02 15:34:32 · answer #6 · answered by shaqmc21 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are the mother and you have to make sure that your son is safe and feels comfortable. You need to put is interests first and you are going to have to make that decisions for him.Get supervised visits if it is that bad. Yeah children need to know who their dads are but it's better to keep them safe until they can understand and then they will appreciated you for thinking of them first.
2006-10-02 15:36:15 · answer #7 · answered by medevilqueen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should not be allowed anywhere your child until he's been through rehab, and has been clean and sober and out of trouble for at least a year. Your child's safety should come first.
2006-10-02 15:39:56 · answer #8 · answered by padget2002 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
only aloud supervised visits....at his age he don't understand that daddy has problems.
so with the supervised visits he can see his father and you have the assurance that he will be safe.
2006-10-02 15:32:54 · answer #9 · answered by ladysilverhorn 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
EVERY CHILD NEEDS TO KNOW WHO THEIR PARENTS ARE...AND IF THEY ARE A LITTLE OUT OF RANGE THEN THEY SHOULDNT BE ALONE. HAVE HIM GET HELP FIRST. EVERYONE WILL BE THANKFULL IN THE LONG RUN.
GOOD LUCK
2006-10-02 15:39:39 · answer #10 · answered by Aimee L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋