when i was eight years old i was mollested by a man that is tied into my family on my biological father's side. i only see my father once a year (christmas) and so i never have relations with the man who did this to me but there was recently a death in my family and the services are tonight and tomorrow and that man will be there. i haven't seen him since that night and to be completely honest i'm terrified to go tonight. i know he won't try anything because my family knows that he did it the first time, but i had hoped i would never have to see him again. how do i handle this? i've torn myself to peices worrying about it.
2006-10-02 08:11:56 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
wow... i really feel for you... i wish i could give you some good advice... part of me wants to say to you don't go, why subject yourself to that but then again, you're not the one that did anything wrong... if anything, he should be the one not to go so, i say, you should go, hold your head up high, and just ignore him. of course, it'll take a lot of prayer i'm sure and i'll be praying that God gives you the strength.
2006-10-02 08:14:18 · answer #1 · answered by ana g 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go. And if you must - out of respect for and to say good-bye to the family member you lost, then keep your visit short and do not even acknowledge this man's existence. He should be going to jail, not a family funeral.
That being said, I don't want to cause you any more pain when you are obviously dealing with so much right now, but why - WHY does your family have anything to do with this man? They are aware of what he did and yet, he is still a family 'friend?' That, I'm sorry to say, shows a clear lack of respect and love for you. How could your family look at you, look at this monster, and say, "See you Friday for the funeral, Buddy?" Are they inviting him to dinner as well? Playing golf on Sundays? It's ridiculous and I am so sorry, but that's not love. That's a total disregard for you and what happened to you. And, you said "the first time," which implies he has done this more than once. Why subject yourself to the man and to the family that allows the man to be a part of their lives and, therefore, a part of yours? Maybe you could find another way to show your respect for the lost family member and stay home.
My heart goes out to you...I hope this works out well.
2006-10-02 15:28:20 · answer #2 · answered by Grá 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey girl i have the same problem in my family but the only difference is i have to see him all the time. And yet all I can say is what everyone else has said "stay away from him" if he's try's to come near you walk away in a calm fashion. Cause if you show him your scared he will feel as if he still has control over you. And let me tell you girl that's the last thing you want..... No One Has Control Over You But You!!!!!!!!So go there tonight girl, pay your respects and put this all in the PAST where it belongs. You Can Do It! :}
GOOD LUCK.
2006-10-02 15:30:14 · answer #3 · answered by Danielle L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bless your heart. I know this is very difficult. When I was in High School, I was twice molested by the principal. I was confronted by a group of female teachers who attempted to justify his actions as being "fatherly." I told my mother, but we were afraid to tell my dad because of what he might do to the man. Basically, I had no support and I had to go to school every day, not knowing what would happen, and it did happen again. So, I lived every school day in fear of him. The only way I was finally able to get on with my life was to choose to forgive him. It didn't mean that he was not responsible for his actions. But, I realized that I, too, am a sinner in need of forgiveness. Perhaps I have not done what he has done, but I still have done things which were sinful.
So, when I learned of how Jesus died on the cross for my sins, I confessed my many sins and received forgiveness. I also chose to forgive those who had sinned against me, including the principal. I learned that I also needed to forgive myself for feelings of hatred which I had held toward this man for many, many years, and release all the anger and hatred to God.
This I know, dear one, God loves you and cares about your pain.
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11New King James Version.
Bless you, dear. I hope this helps you.
I am, however, concerned about this man. Whether he knows it or not, he needs forgiveness, but it does not excuse him from what he has done. And, even more critically, could he have molested others, or be presently active in molesting others? If so, he should not be allowed to continue these evil deeds. I suggest that you consult with your family and seek legal advice if there is any knowledge of continuing activity, any evidence that he has or could hurt others.
God bless you and you family as you work through these life issues. I will pray for you.
2006-10-02 16:24:47 · answer #4 · answered by Songbird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just hold your head up and go, don't let this piece of trash rule your life. If he approaches you just get up and move away, stand by someone who you know will protect you and be on your side. These kind of people are cowards and if they are confronted by someone their size and age they will back down. Be strong sweetie and remember you are the one who has done nothing wrong. And then talk to your family and ask them why they tolerate this animal being around the family especially if he has access to any young relatives. Good Luck!!
2006-10-02 15:19:15 · answer #5 · answered by Scooter Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well to begin with, did he ever get in trouble for doing this? if so you have nothing to worry about,chances are that he will not try anything. but if not, just stickto your guns. Your not eight anymore, don't make eye contact with him , focus on the person who you are going to the services for. Ignore him if he tries to talk to you or simply say, " I have nothing to say to you." You can do this just don't act afraid of him, men sence that in women. keep your head held high girl and just know you are a better person than what he will ever amount to. Good luck!
2006-10-02 15:22:24 · answer #6 · answered by bananalvr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go!-no one should have to see a man who violated them and got away with it-why weren't there any charges pressed??? Who would want him their if they all know what he's done to you? If charges have never been pressed I suggest doing so now if possible-that's the only way to get closure-even though the thoughts will always remain to some degree-knowing that he has been punished for what he has done will help ease the pain. Best wishes!
2006-10-02 15:16:46 · answer #7 · answered by laura_lovely_sweet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can come over and beat the crap out of him in the parking lot as soon as he gets out of the car and then make sure he never goes inside the building - it would be my pleasure !!
I'm really sorry that you had to go through that.
You could have someone run interference for you - have them call you after he leaves so you don't have to see him at all or go early and leave before he gets there.
2006-10-02 16:08:08 · answer #8 · answered by jarhed 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, poor you! Does the rest of the family know? I sure hope you pressed charges and he went to jail! I don't know what to tell you - are you sure he is attending? You know, unless it was a really close family member, I probably would not go - you seem tremendously stressed by this, so consider that.
2006-10-02 15:47:15 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tonight stick close by someone you really trust and knows some of the story behind your fear of this person, sit away from him if he tries to approach you walk away .maybe tell a aunt ,cousin ,friend anyone you feel comfortable with to help you keep away from this person,chances are he wants to stay away from you as much as you want to stay away from them ,you might want to confront them on what happened, but a funeral service is not the place .if possible take or ride with someone else tonight .if you are out on your own don't let him know where you live now its none of his business. good luck thinking of you
2006-10-02 15:27:17 · answer #10 · answered by outlawlady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋