How do i dicipline a two year old who doesn't respond to it at all?

Question

My 2 year old son I've tryed everything in the book from time out to spanking to disipline him but i still get the snot kicked out of me and he tells me No alot. He has been this way since his brother died last year and i feel that i am running out of answers. its come to the point that when i disipline him he has started biting me. now i also haqve another baby on the way and it seems to be getting worse. He does fine when my husband is home nut the minute i get him alone it goes right back to the same behavior. I am just about to the end of my rope trying to figure out a way to disipline him that works.

Answer 1

take away priviledges, evey at two they have preferences, not food or sleep though.....

Answer 2

I will share the first things that went through my mind. Counseling for your son, I'm sure the loss of his sibbling was tramatic. Counseling for the family so that you can move forward together in the same direction with informed understanding. And last but not least, Parenting classes. They are the greatest. You meet other parents with similar issues and get great ideas and learn so much. I'm a good parent, very responsible, a good role model for my children, however I took them to parenting classes with me (it's encouraged that you bring them with you so that when things change, they understand why and they hear it from another adult, it's not just mom and dad) and they were encouraged to participate as well. I learned some great stratagies for my children as they get older. I'll give you an example for my older child that I learned and I have implemented. I learned that consequences don't have to come immediatly. We now keep a book of consequences. If they do something wrong. I make a note of it in the book, and the next time they want to do something, ie ... spend the night at a friends house, well we get the book out. If there's something that was marked down there, the answer is, "No, you can't spend the night" and the consequence is considered paid back at that point. I cross it out as over. The kids don't like losing things that really matter to them. So they work harder at being good. It's wonderful! The kids actually looked forward to going each week. It sounds like you have had it very rough, so has the little guy. I'm sorry for your loss. You've been blessed with this beautiful little baby that's coming. I think it's a lot for your son right now and he needs some help. I think it would benefit you both and improve your lives. Parenting classes empower you. But first the counseling. I wish you the very best.

Answer 3

It sounds like you're intimidated by him. That's bad, because it gives him the control instead of you. You are the parent, and you are in charge. If he figures out that you are afraid of him, he can carry that all the way through childhood and adolescence and into serious rebellion. He's a toddler, not a rattlesnake to be feared. Kids that age can smell fear a mile away.

Three things in dealing with toddlers have helped me, as both an Previous Foster Parent and a parent:

1) At this stage of development, toddlers are becoming aware that they have choices but they are not yet aware that other people have feelings and needs. That's why they want to control everything and everyone – they think the world literally revolves around them. It's a good idea to give her as many choices as you can and let her participate in the timing of events. For example, when you're ready to get him dressed in the morning, don't spring it on him by saying, "It's time to get dressed," because he'll likely say, "No!" Give him warning by saying, "When X is over (a cartoon on TV or whatever), it's time to get dressed - five minutes." Then keep reminding him, so that he can wrap his head around the idea.

Likewise, when you're dressing him, give him a choice of apparel rather than telling him he's going to wear what you want. Say something like, "Do you want to wear your blue shirt or your red shirt today?" He gets a choice, which makes him feel better, and you get the shirt on his body without too much fuss.

2) You have to be willing to make good on your discipline threats. If he starts throwing one of his "you're not nice" fits in the grocery store and you tell him to stop or you'll leave, you absolutely have to be prepared to leave immediately if he doesn't stop. Again, you are the parent, not him, and you have to make and enforce the rules. Nothing makes me sadder than to see a child throwing a tantrum in a restaurant while the parents try to bribe him into behaving so they can stay: "Here, if you'll be quiet you can have some ice cream!" "If you'll stop crying I'll get you a new toy when we leave!" It may work once but it doesn't work in the long run, because the child learns to associate tantrums with rewards instead of severe consequences. If all he has to do is pitch a fit when he wants something, guess what he's going to do?

3) As most others have said, consistency is key. Do NOT be afraid of him and do NOT give him rewards for bad behavior. A fit must be followed with a time-out or a quick exit from the store or other public place. If you waver, that's the beginning of trouble.

Of course you're not perfect, and perfection isn't necessary. In the end, he will outgrow it if you parent him consistently and lovingly. Really, he will. Then he'll get a driver's license. It doesn't get easier as they get older – it just gets different.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for your loss. The poor little guy probably is so confused about what happened to his brother. The only thing I have to offer you is a story about my nephew.
3 years ago, when he was two my brother, his dad, past away unexpectedly in a car accident. His mom was 8 mo. pregnant and overwhelmed with grief. Over the following 6 months or so she didn't have the strength to discipline him effectively,(or get out of bed) so he got the upper hand. It took about 3 years for her to regain any kind of control. It's only been recently she can Tell him to stop misbehaving and he obeys.
Maybe with your loss you haven't been able to focus as well as you had. And understandably to say the least.
If that is the case you're basically starting over from scratch. You'll have to reestablish all of his boundaries once again with 10 times more the resistance that the first time.
I also recommend getting all other available family members involved in helping you regain your ground. And some grief counseling for your whole family. God Bless you, and good luck.

Answer 5

Sounds like you've done the normal methods that we have all been told should fix the situation, but it's not giving you the results you expected. What do you see differently that your husband does than you? Is he firm? Is he lieniant? Does he ask him over and over or just once? Children will challenge you to see who is in charge, you or them? Once the battle is drawn, you must win or they will walk all over you. Next time you are challenged, you must win, and every time after then eventually he will know it is of no use to put up a fight cause there is no way he will win. As long as he thinks he can wear you down, he will. Don't let him put any guilt trips on you. He knows your buttons. He will use them with the greatest skill. He will pour it on the harder you try to discipline and take charge. Remember, he's the one with all the energy. When your husband gets home he's probably easier cause it's already been a full day and he's less willing to put up a fight, so don't take it personal that he cooperates better for daddy. I suggest you cancel any plans for the next two weeks, have pizza and microwave meals ready laundry caught up and focus on doing battle and winning, because in the long run, you will all be winning.

Answer 6

ok, I too have a 2 12 months previous. I confident do not recognize the answer on your question, yet I sympathize very much together with your situation. My son became 2 only one month in the past, yet has been performing 2 for some months now. i will only imagine how a lot harder it must be for you with a clean toddler in tow also. i'm also taking off to spank and it helps at that given second, yet he will nonetheless do an same issues that were given him spanked only moments later. My son is a hitter. i recognize i recognize, some human beings are conserving he's a hitter because I spanked him, yet he became hitting way earlier I spanked. I easily do no longer recognize the position he discovered to hit. i extremely do not. He would not bypass to daycare, i'm a stay at living house mom. i do not enable him watch violence and that i do only not realize the position he discovered it. I blame myself ninety 9% of the time and the guilt is pretty a lot insufferable. properly, I easily have a freind who works at a daycare and he or she is in with toddlers all day. they don't look allowed to spank of direction so as that they ought to arise with different recommendations to punish. She says that they have a pink timeout chair. it truly is often a form of booster seat that you'll strap a baby into. She says she straps the baby in for one minute for each 12 months they are previous. So, case in factor, your 2 12 months previous would stay contained in the pink day out chair for 2 minutes. i will purchase one this week and verify it out. It confident beats hitting our children and there must be a lot less guilt in touch. So, supply it a attempt. You do get props on your baby status in a nook. My baby would not in any respect stand in a nook no matter if I held him there. So best for you! good success to you!

Answer 7

I think you should take him to a counselor that specializes in working with young children.
I'm thinking, just from your info here, that perhaps he may have been given some leeway when he acted out after his brother's death, and perhaps has just become accustomed to acting out in this manner, because he was allowed to for a period of time.
It also has a lot to do with your reactions to his behavior. You really should ask a counselor how to get your authority back, and quit with the might makes right approach, it's not working. You seem to be reacting to his behavior, and he seems to be acting out more and more. It could be that he is seeking negative attention. It could also be an indication of a developmental disorder, as in frustration at his not being able to communicate effectively, or something along those lines.
Regardless, you should just visit with a counselor, because he is obviously a very frustrated little boy.
Wish you both lots of luck.

Answer 8

I agree with many of the answers given. You need to seek a child psychologist. It sounds to me like your son is going through a possible form of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) In children there way of showing symptoms are acting out, loss of appetite, restlessness, sleeplessness, night terrors. There are a number of things that go with it. Seek some professional help, but above all, as hard as it is because I have a 2 year old son that is a BARE....do not spank him. If you set him in time out and he doesn't stay?? Bring the carseat in the house, and strap him in it for time out. My friend did that and it was about the only thing that worked. Face the car seat to a corner. But first and foremost. Seek a child psychologist. Good luck!

Answer 9

Besides seeing a doctor your child knows he can walk all over you and not his Dad. You need to stand your ground and show him that you will not back down. Do not give in. Put him in time out for 2 1/2 mins (match his age) and everytime he does something that warrants timeout put him there. I had to do this w/ my oldest and after a day or 2 he knew mommy meant business. If he hits you or lashes out at you then find some where quiet that he can do the timeout in that will not be a danger to him or you (don't lock him in a closet or anything) and do not use his crib - if he is still in one - or his bed for that matter. You do not want him to associate his sleeping area w/ punishment.

If you have a play pen you could put him in there - he can not fall off anything or hit his head or anything like that if he is throwing a tantrum and he can not hurt you.

Answer 10

I think your son may be going through a form of grief due to the passing of his brother. Even at a young age children get attached to siblings. I have a 2 yr old that doesn't talk much...or should I say at all,and when either of his 2 older brothers are away he looks for them, and acts out a little.

I would suggest you first and for most pray for your son, he is like any other human being....grieving the lost of a loved one. And try counseling, they have specialist for all ages. This behavior could lead him down the wrong path if not given the proper attention now...seek God, and professional help ASAP.

Answer 11

Time for a child psychiatrist. You can not allow your child to act out violently especially when you have another child on the way. The next step for your 2 year old will be hurting the baby if you don't get this fixed now.

If your child does respond to your husband you can try having him discipline the child for acting out against you, but between one brother's death and another brother on the way your kid probably needs some professional counseling.