a good friend of mine is just a terrible, terrible mother. she only feeds her child fast food for dinner and only gives her soda and juice to drink. she also never takes this poor 3 yr old girl to the park. she plants her in front of the tv all day and when ever the girl wants something she says "leave me alone"! then she can't understand why the girl is out of control when she takes her places! they smoke cigarettes all day in the small apt and in the car with the little girl. Should i say something or mind my business?
2006-10-02 07:19:13 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
i don't think she is actually doing anything illegal.....no drugs or anything .... so i don't know if you can report innadequate parenting?
2006-10-02 07:22:28 · update #1
If you are in the position, you could offer to take the girl to the park once in a while. You could also "stop by" or ask them over and prepare a healthy meal... that includes some dairy. I would also suggest playing it off as though you've received a free sample of children's vitamins (go figure) and give them to her. I would try these things first. People are very sensitive when it comes to rasing their children and to be sure you are not shut out, I would go slow at first. If none of this works, you may have to say something outright. It's such a shame that people have children and then don't know how to raise them in a way that is condcuive to a healthy childhood.
I feel sorry for your having to witness this and wish you lots of luck...
2006-10-02 07:24:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Neglect is a form of abuse. Inadequate diet is too. In California it is a crime to smoke in the car with your child.
This poor baby could suffer from the results of neglect for years.
First hand experience...sorry, won't give too many details but my parents did the same thing to my brother and I. Neither had wanted kids. My brother grew up feeling unwanted and useless. He was gone before he was 25.
The residual feeling of being a burden took years to go away. For some kids it never does. If you say something about it, don't make it accusational. If you aren't comfortable calling social services, you could suggest that at 3 years old her child could go to pre-school atleast for a few hours a day.
Good luck!
2006-10-02 19:37:34 · answer #2 · answered by Pixie Dust 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, a lot of mothers are like this.
You could talk to her about it. It's possible that she doesn't realize what is expected of her (maybe she is just doing what her mother did and so on). Don't be suprised, though, if she gets really defensive when talked to .
Another idea might be to simply make this girl a part of your activities (when you hang out with her mother). Become friends with the child, offer to cook dinner for her and her mother, suggest going to the park with them - in essence become her "aunt".
The smoking thing, though, really needs to be discussed with her. My dad smoked when I was little, and I would up with asthma because of it. Smoking around children greatly increases their health risks.
Hope this helps!
Edit: as far as social services goes, you could talk to them, and they could stop by to perform a welfare check, but unless there is abuse or neglect, they won't do anything. From what you said, it doesn't sound like there is either abuse or neglect going on.
2006-10-02 14:25:05 · answer #3 · answered by rita_alabama 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is your friend and you want to keep it that way I wouldn't say anything. Unfortunately she wouldn't listen anyways! Parents take the most offense and get the most defensive when someone says they aren't doing a good job!
It would be nice if we could all say something and they would just listen, but it will never work that way!
I have a friend who treats her girl (11) like a princess and her son like a pain in the #**#^. He is 9. What I do is take her son out and have fun with him. At least that way he is getting some attn sometimes.
2006-10-02 17:16:03 · answer #4 · answered by butterfliesbrown 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's terrible!
Probably not much you can do though. CPS will probably say at least she's getting fed, etc.
Maybe you could give her really easy recipes or give her ideas that work for your kids? Ask her to go the park with you sometimes.
I have a friend who never takes her kid to the park or anywhere else for that matter. She's homeschooling her for pre-k. She claims that the kid is too hyper but I've been around her plenty and she's not hyper at all. She's very obedient! I think she gets over excited because she doesn't get out much.
2006-10-02 14:51:16 · answer #5 · answered by Alison 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ooohhh tough. How good a friend is she? IF she's a good one, I would ask her if she thinks she's a good parent.
When I first got my son back (he's 3) full time i was so overwhelmed I did the same thing she's doing. Only I was able to slowly pull my head out my butt, but maybe she needs help prying hers out.
Become the girls best auntie and YOU take her out with mom. Tell mom "Don't smoke infront of me or your kid. If you smoke in the house then you need ONE room only and the rest are smoke free".
You have a tough course but I say lead through example and not ridicule.
2006-10-03 12:41:02 · answer #6 · answered by Lotus Phoenix 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOUR friend needs help she need to take parenting classes or give that baby to someone who will love her and give her a good child hood man oh man this is a damn shame if woman who are not ready for kids they need to leave there legs closed yes you should say something if not call a c.p.s agent i know you dont want to but do it tell them the situation they wilkl handle it they will either give the girl to another family member call in as anoonymos so shell never know t hey wont take the girl away but they will warn the mother i will pray for your friend she needs so much help ....
2006-10-02 15:27:55 · answer #7 · answered by CutiePie AKA (hotnakedgurl) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can report her for neglect. My ex made a bogus CPPS call on me and I was written up for my fridge being empty. (Day b4 payday mind you) I told them we eat out every night for dinner and the case worker had a fit. When I said it was cafeterias and places where we still had veggies every night not fast food she was still very upset. You can report neglect on the food situation (I am sure she has none in the house if she eats out every day. ) Also does the child wear clean clothes everyday? That is another point of neglect. That was the other thing CPS wrote me up for. I had more than 2 days woorth of Laundry. Even though my kids had closets FULL of clean clothes I was written up for not doing laundry daily. They will make her life a living hell and take her daughter if they feel she is truly being neglected. You can be anonymous if you want.
2006-10-02 14:30:23 · answer #8 · answered by Liz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You either need to say something or back off from the friendship. There is no way I could stand by and watch that kind of crap and not say anything.I feel very sorry for the little girl. Is there someone in her family you could talk to? I wonder what she does when you are not around???? You are in a horrible spot. I know for sure I could not be friends with someone like that.
2006-10-02 14:23:13 · answer #9 · answered by eagfan5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your duty as a friend and member of the community to do what you can to save this little girl. God gave us feelings and common sense for this very reason. If something doesn't change real quick the little girl will grow up miserable and do the same thing to her kids, it's all she'll know. More people need to have the courage to stand up to their friend and family members when a child is being damaged like that!
2006-10-02 17:18:35 · answer #10 · answered by Lesley C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋