If a man calls everyday, takes you out, but says he isn't ready for a relationship, what does it mean?

Question

I want a relationship, but he doesn't right now at this point in his life; should I continue the friendship? It's been a year and a half.

Answer 1

A year and a half, and I'm assuming you are having *ex? I was in this sort of quandry myself for almost 3 years! I dated this guy on and off and not exclusively; at his insistance we both saw other people. I loved him so much (I still do) but he didn't want to settle down. I finally broke it off and it's been a year since I've seen him. He's moved to another state but he's still doing the same thing. Dating more than one woman and refusing to settle down - and that's okay. What's not okay is that I allowed myself to waste 2.5 years of my life "hoping" he'd change his mind or that I could change him and "convince" him to be with me. It never happened.

You can't make someone be with you. If he doesn't want a relationship, NOTHING in this world will make him ready until HE is ready. What you need to ask yourself is what is good for YOU. Can you continue on for probably another 1.5 years hoping he'll change his mind? Or do you need to move on?

Keep in mind, if and when he decides to settle down, that doesn't necessarily mean it will be with you. That was my biggest fear. That I'd wait, and wait, and wait and then the perfect woman for him would come along and he'd settle down and marry her... and that "she" wouldn't be me. I would have hated myself forever had that happened. As bad as it hurt to be without him, it was hurting me to be with him too. So I figured if it's going to hurt regardless, I might as well not hate myself in the process. And you know, it hurts less and less each day (thank God).

You have to decide what's best for you.

Answer 2

It means that he enjoys you company, but he's just not ready for the seriousness of a relationship beyond the friendship title. Don't feel bad there are so many men like this today you wouldn't even believe it! I'm in this type of relationship myself. First, if you really like this dude and can honestly be with him without being his girl then continue the friendship don't waiste a good friend. But if you know that you can't be around him with out wanting him in that other way and it's taking a toll on you let it go. This requires you to be totally honest with yourself because you don't want to get you feelings stepped on just for the sake of having someone around, then you'd be a fool in love. Not Good! Next, you need to talk to him and tell him what the deal is. Then, let him know if he's still going for the friend thing that you will see other people and do! Keep your options open. Nine times out of ten he is doing the same. Now if the feelings run really deep for you with him, when you tell him that you're going to date others he's probably not going to like it that's when you will have to tell him what you want and if he can't give you that then you will have to get it else where. See where that goes. Also Do Not allow him to toy with your feelings by making you think he wants you in that way when he really don't it will only cause you a hell of a lot of heartache and pain in the end. Be true to yourself and follow your heart; it may seem like a corny line but it's real talk. Take it from someone who's been there!

Answer 3

I had this same situation. It means that he isn't ready for full commitment type relationship at this point in his life maybe because of school, work, etc. He is looking for either friendship or friends w/ benefits. You have to decide if you want to keep things as they are or end the friendship. If the only problem you have is that he isn't ready for a relationship my advice is continue the way things are. After all, you aren't committed to him so you can still see other guys if you want or he could eventually decide he is ready and then you would have what you want.

Answer 4

If he doesn't want a relationship after a year and half it is SO time to end it and move on. So sorry. He knows you and you know him. If you want a committed relationship and he wants to play, then he is out of luck and you need to find a new man. Sorry. I saw a show last week on Dr. Phil where women were with men EIGHT years, playing this game and still not married. Don't waste your time. You don't have to be mean or play games, but I would go ahead and tell him that his goals are not the same as yours so you are moving on. So sorry. Why should he commit if he doesn't have to? Don't be a victim. Take control and make decisions on what is best for you. You sound smart, so I trust you. I can tell from your question that you already know what we're all going to say. Live, laugh, love, but don't waste your time, okay? Best of luck and sorry this guy doesn't know what he's got. Run for your life!

Answer 5

If he calls you everyday and takes you out, aren't you already in a relationship, and if not, what would be the difference? Have you met his family? Are you having sex? if it has been a year and a half and you are still "not in a relationship" then either he just wants sex, or he is having a relationship with someone else.

Answer 6

He told you already that he is not ready for a relationship. So you might as well accept the fact you have entered the "friendship" zone with this guy. It won't develop into anything further. I should know since I was once in the same situation. Nothing you do will change his mind.

Answer 7

You didn't say what his age is. A young man may not be ready for a relationship just yet. But a man that's older may not want a relationship now or ever. Or you could be something that's just tiding him over until he finds the right other woman. Either way he isn't for you.
Sorry.

Answer 8

He probably just wants to be friends for now. Even though it might be hard to do, you should try to be more patient and understanding. Who knows? Maybe in the future, he might be more attracted to you and will want to start a relationship. So the best thing to do right now would probably just to be a good friend. But ask yourself, "Is he really worth it? Is he a good friend? Is he someone I would like to spend most of my life with?" If you answered no to most of them, maybe he just isn't the guy for you.

Answer 9

He's either:

1. The stalker type (who will be abusive if you get involved with him)
2. He just wants sex.
3. Both of the above.

I'm a guy, and I see this all the time. Ditto for guys who start buying you stuff, like flowers & nighties and calling you all the time after one or two dates.
They're psycho's, every time, but stupid girls think they're romantic.
Trust me. Stay away from the guy.

Answer 10

hmmmm its been a year and a half...

If you have been sleeping with him then all he really wants out of the relationship is the sex.

And.. if you are fine with that.. then there really isn't anything to change.

He has already told you he doesn't want a 'relationship' (ie a committed relationship) so if this is s deal breaker then you need to move on (no matter how good the sex is)...