We started off as friends and we ended up starting to care for eachother. He never told me he wanted to be with me. I was friends with all of his friends before i knew him and all of them told me he liked me so i stuck around. He hooked up with three other girls while we were still talking. I was so hurt. After all this he told me sorry then he wanted to be with me. By this point i was frustrated and hurt so i told him i just wanted to be friends. We continued to be friends and my feelings for him are just growing. My mom tells me that since we werent together i have nothing to be upset about, but my freinds tell me to leave this whole situation alone and move on. I'm 19 and he's 20. We both have never been in a relationship and im so confused. I really need some kind of help. Even if its from complete strangers.
2006-10-02 06:28:34 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well it seems, as if there's a commuication gap somewhere. You going to his friends to see if he likes you was good idea but the best idea would've been to go to him to see how he feels. You would have gotten a clear idea of where his head is and whether or not it worth pursuing beyond platonic friendship. I know going straight to him seems scary but if the relationship is as caring and close as you say, I'm sure you all could talk openly and honestly. There's still time for this intimate talk, mom and friends excluded. You want to see if he's ready for a serious relationship with you or anyone else. Let him know how you feel and listen to his thoughts with an open mind. You don't want to jepodize a good friend ship and you don't want to end up hating him because of this. And if he does say that he rather be friends and you were hoping for something more, don't fret, be thankful that he was caring enough to be honest with you. Know that what will be will be; you never know maybe one day down the line when he's ready you two might get it together. Make that talk happen soon! I wish you the best and remember it's no fun when you in love all by yourself. Stay true to you!!! Let me know how it goes. Missmajesty2004@yahoo.com
2006-10-02 06:47:14 · answer #1 · answered by Miss Majesty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am surprised by your mom's answer. In my opinion she is partially right that you aren't going out so you shouldn't feel betrayed, except if the guy was honest that he cared for you deeply, then why did he sleep with three women?
I would lean more toward your friends opinion to move on. The guy sounds like a player and if you sleep with him, you probably will be another trophy. Find a guy who is really into you and not a guy who continues to chase women.
2006-10-02 13:36:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's just not that into you. You are projecting your love feelings and nothings coming back at you...so why are you still holding on for more? Obsession is a nasty thing and has little to do with him...its about you. Your need to win/conquer/dominate. If you got him you wouldnt know what to do with him anyway...because HE knows that the chemistry isnt there...so you'd be pushing **** uphill.
Just stop obsessing.....the chemistry thing you fel...he doesnt get it..so to push it would only serve to humiliate you. Even if he didnt have a gf and chose to take you up on your offer (I think he's afraid to because stalkers scare people for some reason)...you STILL wouldnt get what you wanted...love and commitment...because the chemistry isnt there.
Chemistry is pheromones and facefit.....he might LIKE you as a person but if those elements arent there you are f*cked (or not). Please get that its NOT about your personality, looks or YOU as a person...its about biology. YOU are attracted by his scent and looks...its not reciprocated. It will be with someone else...eventually...so give this guy a miss.
And you must know that 75% of guys will say what they need to say to get laid...even if they are !00% sure they dont want to be with that woman more than one night or casual....its a hormonal thing. Men are different to women in that they look for instant gratification more than longterm.....just somewhere else to plant the seed. Women have babies to consider so we are more thoughtful (love orientated) in our endeavours (usually). It doesntmean men cant love...they do....but its with a woman they choose and who they cant be without...and I dont see him knocking down your door. Do you?
2006-10-02 13:47:49 · answer #3 · answered by Scully 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off, I sort of know where you are coming from. This has happened to me as well. Here's what I think, if you weren't dating and you didn't step up to take him off the market then you cant expect him to feel taken. I do see why your hurt though, if you liked me why didn't you work harder for me, I know how it goes. But if he's there now and wants to make an effort why let something that could be amazing slip away. The one who did something similiar to me is now my fiance! What do you have to lose? But you have the chance of gaining so much. So I say put yourself out there.
2006-10-02 13:36:58 · answer #4 · answered by Tamra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hang on now one moment.... You were not together when he was with 3 other girls. Why have you a problem then? He wasn't breaking any trust barriers with you. He didn't actually do any thing wrong. Get over it. Jesus, women to day have no clue.
Just decide whether or not you wanna be with him. Your mam is right build a bloody bridge. While you're there grow up.
2006-10-02 13:35:28 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like ya wanna screw em.here's what u do.make nice,make out,have sex,be open and enjoy ya life.u got a long way to go before u should be stressing 1 guy.meet many guys and havce sex.thats the american way.get experience then fall in love.
2006-10-02 13:32:34 · answer #6 · answered by SINISTER MEMPHISTO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with him and tell him you are now ready to have a relationship with him. But make sure you make it clear you want it to be exclusive....boyfriend/girlfriend. Try it out and see if it works! Otherwise you'll always wonder....what if!!!
2006-10-02 13:35:05 · answer #7 · answered by Ashley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he hasn't hooked up with you now, he won't in the future. Listen to your firends and mom--move on with your life and stop pining for him.
2006-10-02 13:34:17 · answer #8 · answered by Miss J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only thing I can say is you are too young yet to settle down.
It seems like he isn't ready either.
I guess that is what you were asking about.
2006-10-02 13:32:48 · answer #9 · answered by funoburgmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl live and let live talk to the man , go out with him
2006-10-02 13:32:55 · answer #10 · answered by waynekirsten 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋