My father was abusive to my mother. She moved away and he?

Question

wants to spend all his time at my house. He whines, tries to invite himself to eat meals with me, calls all the time and bad mouthed my mother. I snapped and went off on him and he didn't say one word to me. Now he's starting to call me again. I do not want to see or talk to him. What would you do in this situation?

Answer 1

YOU and YOU alone get to call the shots.
If you don't want your father in your life that is your right.
He lost his rights when he stopped behaving like a responsible father.
Just tell him you have a lot to handle right now and really need some space. But don't let him pressure you into seeing him if you are not up for it. Be strong and good luck!

Answer 2

If you "snapped and went off on him" it sounds like you were holding back your feelings for some time. This is a very bad thing to practice! It is not good for you or any of your relationships. Don't play games with your dad or anyone else. Be OPEN and HONEST about your feelings! Explain to him that you need a little space and time in which to heal. Point out that he is not the only one that is going through a hard time right now. Then do what you can to heal quickly so you can be there FOR BOTH OF YOUR PARENTS!
You need to protect yourself, but you should never disown either of your parents or siblings, spouse, children, etc. Family is family. We don't get to pick them, but it is our duty to find a way to love them. If they are lovable then great! That makes our job easy, but really what have you achieved if you only love the lovable people in this world? Anyone can do that! If, like Mimi said, "He lost his rights when he stopped behaving like a responsible father." then most of us would have "lost our rights" long ago and most humans would have NO FAMILY.
NO ONE IS PERFECT. God charges us to love the imperfect, the unlovable... even our enemies!
You should always love your father, try to understand him and help him. Just draw clear lines to make sure you love yourself as well.
P.S: I hope you witnessed the abuse that your father gave your mother. It would be very unkind to call him abusive if you did not know FIRST HAND that it was true. I have been in an abusive relationship and it took me years to realize that I played a part in that ugliness, that I was not only abused but was abuser as well.
Do you think your mother had never abused your dad?

Answer 3

I have been dealing with this situation for years, it is rough, to make it worse, my dad went crazy, used drugs, pissed away a sucessful business, went into major debt, and is now homeless.

Be firm, but kind. Tell him he made his own bed, he will have to dig his way out. Don't give him money, at least no more than a few bucks, and even then don't make it a permanant thing at every visit. point him in the right direction, but say hey dad, i am grown up and need to live my own life without my dad there every weeek. You need to concentrate on rebuilding your own life and leave me to worry about mine. We can visit once a month and that's it.

Answer 4

He's your father. It's understandable that you want nothing to do with him, but you have to realize that no ones promised tomorrow. I havent talked to my dad for over 5 years. I was in the same position, but my dad didnt want anything to do with me. When your fathers not part of your life it hurts so much. All you can do is talk to him and let him know that you dont want him to come around 24/7 depending on what your situation is. Beleive me he loves you and he'll understand. Dont just shut him out of your life completly cuz one day you'll regret it.

Answer 5

did not would desire to ensure the full component because of the fact the question you probably did ask tells the full tale. you may desire to get lower back to courtroom and petition the choose with regards to visitation. ensure you bypass away no stone unturned. in case you sense the father will abuse you/and or your infant you're additionally going to desire a restraining order so the father can't incorporate in 20 ft of you or your infant. in case you have any papers that say he has been arrested for drugs and or abuse take all paper artwork to courtroom with you. Get some criminal suggestion from criminal help in the event that they artwork on infant risk-free practices. they'd grant you with archives which you quite desire. bear in strategies you ought to additionally shelter your self from this looser. Petition the courts to have supervised visitation if the father quite insists on visitation. With him, visitation would get old somewhat immediately. via supervised visitation...this could be away out of your place with somebody from social centers or some such different qualified corporation. you additionally can petition for finished custody which i think of could be the extra desirable wager. you may hassle approximately help, if needed, whilst the concern comes up, which it is going to.

Answer 6

I think you did the right thing, but instead of ignoring him maybe you should keep a little contact with him, you only have 1 father regardless whether he was a good one or not, if something happenes to him you don't wan't that on your concince. Good Luck, Keep in mind I'm not sayin what he did was right either, I just don't think you should ignore him totally.

Answer 7

Explain to him, in person, over the phone, or in a letter, that you've been disappointed for many years as to the way he conducts his relationships and that if he wants to have better, then he must do better. Encourage him to get counseling to find out how HE can repair his relationships. It's his burden not yours to undo all the damage he's caused. You may be surprised at his compliance to seek help.
Good luck.

Answer 8

i would just talk to him on the phone once to see if he can be 4given if he can not 4get about him if he can just call him everyonce in a while 7 maybe sooner or later u can start meeting each other in public places so there is a less chance of him badmouthin u.

Answer 9

I think that you should call the police and get a restraining order. You should also call the phone company and get his number blocked. You should call him and tell him that all the things that he did hurted you. And tell him that you don't want to talk to him right now.

Answer 10

I would probably give him a chance to ask you for forgiveness. Just make sure he understands there is no bad mouthing your mom. Dad won't be around forever, and he may just want to make things right with you... Best of luck to you!