2006-10-02 05:30:02 · 10 answers · asked by JinMu 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
what's green, slimy, and smells like pork?
kermit's finger.
♣
2006-10-02 05:36:28 · answer #1 · answered by VetteLeo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event,the girl announced to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.
The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the counter, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd
like to buy: a 3-pack, 10-pack, or a family pack I'm REALLY going to give it to this girl," the boy tells the pharmacist.
"I intend to plug every orifice in her body at LEAST twice!!" The
pharmacist, with a laugh, suggests the family pack, saying boy will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes,and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head down. 10 minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a f***ing pharmacist!!"
2006-10-02 17:31:25 · answer #2 · answered by davebrit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is my favourite joke but anyone who gets offended by "bad" language please don't read any further!
a guy is having a party and wants it to have a theme although he doesn't want the normal 70's and 80's theme so he decided that he'd be different and have an emotion party.
the night of the party comes and there is a knock at the door. the host opens the door and sees a man dressed entirely in green with the letters N V on his shirt.
the host looks at the guest and says "gee you look great but what emotion have you come as?"
the guest replies "i'm green with envy" the host laughs and invites him in.
a few minutes pass and there is another knock on the door. the host opens the door this time to find a woman standing in the doorway dressed in a pink body suit with a pink feather boa wrapped around her 'intimate' parts. the host says to the woman "you look stunning but what emotion have you come as?" the woman replies "i'm tickled pink" the host laughs and happily invites her into the party.
no more than a minute passed when there was another knock on the door the host answers the door. this time he is astonished to see two Irish guys standing at his front door both of them completely naked Paddy with his dick in a bowl of custard and Murphy with his dick in a pear. the host says to the couple "what are you guys doing out there dressed like that you could get arressted for indecent exposure or at the very least scare the neighbours. . . anyway what emotions have you come as?" Paddy replies "well oim f#*@!&g disgusted and Murphy here has just come in dispair"
2006-10-02 13:42:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million-dollar houses.
On the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."
The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.
The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let's go up there, apologize, and see how much this is going to cost."
They walked up and knocked on the door. A voice said, "Come on in. They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer.
A man on the couch said, "Are you the people who broke my window?"
"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied.
"No, actually, I want to thank you. I'm a genie who was trapped for a thousand years inside that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes -- I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."
"Okay, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem -- it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife.
"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie replied.
"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband looked at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care."
The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.
After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"
"Thirty-five," she replied.
"And he still believes in genies? ... That's amazing."
2006-10-02 13:04:40 · answer #4 · answered by Trina T 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The womens husband went out to get groceries and a man came to the door and said is Jim there..
nope.. he went to get groceries.. you can wait here if you want to.
.................silence..........................
man barbara you have the best breast I have ever saw.. ill give you hundred to see one..
Barbara says what the heck and shows him one..
he hands her a hundred..
then he says ill give you another hundered to see the other..
so she undoes her robe all the way
he hands her another hundred
Just tell Jim I stoped by.
.
...
30 minutes later.
Hey Hun.
Did Dan bring down the 200$ he owes me ??
2006-10-02 14:05:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up
ahead of him and went to her and said, "Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on".
She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6."
He thanked her & continued playing golf. Later he got lost again.
He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed.
"I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please
tell me what hole I'm on."
Lady : You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13.
Again he thanked her and continued playing golf. When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her
and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted.
As they were drinking & talking he asked her what she did for a
living.
"I'm in sales."
He replied, "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?"
Lady : It's too embarrassing to tell.
But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she'd tell him if
he promised not to laugh. He promised.
Lady : I sell WHISPER (Sanitary Napkins).
He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
Lady : You promised you wouldn't laugh.
He replied, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper... I'm still one hole behind you."
2006-10-04 13:07:51 · answer #6 · answered by giko 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your mama is so ugly... she could rob a bank with her face.
2006-10-02 12:36:45 · answer #7 · answered by Ha Ha! 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
what do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
nacho cheese
2006-10-02 12:37:45 · answer #8 · answered by sherrie t 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I am still working on it, please be patient.
2006-10-02 13:17:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u are a girl.......ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha......
2006-10-02 12:36:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋