All I ever wanted was to make you happy
But you just turn your face and sigh
Its so hard to hide the pain and rejection
Why cant you just accept me
Why must you push me away with all of you deceit
Am I supposed to hate you
Am I supposed to want to leave without looking back
You give me innocent words that hurt so much
You said you were there for me
So why when I fall I get back up by myself
I’m sorry it has to be this way
I’m sorry you will never know the real me
Its to late to say sorry
Its to late to make things better
The pain and anguish have only given me one choice
I cant come back now
I cant give you one more chance
I cried one last time
I fell one last time
I made the choice and now I’m gone forever
I hope you learn from me
I hope you learn from your mistakes
But as for me
I’m gone
2006-10-02 05:18:44 · 13 answers · asked by skateboarding is not a crime 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Performing Arts
It needs some work but it is a good outcry whom ever you wrote about it is their lost and I can understand your feelings. Been there done that......... Keep writing as it is a good outlet for your emotions and they have to go someplace for release.............
2006-10-02 05:29:25 · answer #1 · answered by mysticideas 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is really bad poetry, and I'm telling you this as a friend:
Lots of people will read your poetry and tell you something like, "it's great, I like it!" The sad fact is that they are telling this to you just to make you feel good, because many poets takes pride in their art and they don't want to hurt your feelings.
One problem with your poem is that it's not really poetry. There is nothing clever or creative about the use of language, and its structure hardly seems deliberate. You can't just write prose, put a new line after every sentence, and then call it poetry.
Another problem is that you've chosen to write about a topic that every other emotional young person in the world writes about. There are literally thousands of kids at this very moment sitting in front of their computer or notebooks and scribbling these things out. You can probably find half of them on Myspace. The sad part is each of these writers are dead serious about the meaning of their work.
You've really given nothing for the audience to enjoy in your poem, and you also haven't given anything to relate to.
That's not to say that the poem doesn't have value. Since it has meaning to you, it has personal value to be sure, but it doesn't have value to other people, so you many not want to publish it.
2006-10-02 05:35:07 · answer #2 · answered by يا حسين 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I LOVE IT! I hope u come out with more.... your poem is interesting! It shows that once u loved but now u r hurt and can't bear the pain... i really wanna see some more of your work! maybe we can email each other and swap poems!
2006-10-02 05:29:28 · answer #3 · answered by hot_mama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good job, I know how it feels bro. Very well written.
I hope you said it the same way to.
2006-10-02 05:32:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its ok could use some work. more of a pouring out of emotion than a poem though
2006-10-02 05:22:22 · answer #5 · answered by nonners1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh! Shame
2006-10-02 05:21:59 · answer #6 · answered by DeDe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's a bit sad for me but very good
2006-10-02 05:27:16 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea its nice good job
2006-10-02 05:20:02 · answer #8 · answered by Sweetpea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. I don't care for the theme.
2006-10-02 05:22:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its ok but it could use a little work
2006-10-02 05:26:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋