Ok I'm in a long distance relationship with this guy who lives 2 hours away from me. I love him very much but I'm just not feeling the relationship like i did when we first started dating. I mean i've only seen him twice and i'm always the one who has to go to him. We both don't have cars but i at laest have my best friend to drive me up there but it just seems everytime he wants to see me he wants me to go up there and i'm getting sick of having to make my friend take me to see him. He also doesn't have a phone and sometimes he either doesn't call me all day or he'll tell me he'll call me back on his friends or sisters phone and doesn't which gets me frustrated cuz here i am waiting on him to call and he doesn't. So how can i break up with him without hurting his feelings and hoping to maintain a friendship with him.
2006-10-02 05:17:35 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
A few thoughts...
End the relationship over the phone. After all your relationship has happened over the phone, and delaying the break up so you can do it in person is just an excuse. Be direct and quick. Don't negotiate with him (this will be tempting.) Just tell him the distance does not work for you (but most importatntly) tell him that his lack of commitment is not what you are looking for. And don't let him convince you to stick around.
When people have to make excuses for not holding up their end of a relationship (be it a friend, lover or family member) they are not committed to it. No amount of convincing on your part will change that.
So back to the long distance part of this. A couple things come to mind. I would question why I was in a relationship that was long distance instead of at home.... are you afraid of the real deal or what? Also reread what you wrote... you do the work, the commuting the calling, the waiting... don't you value your time and integrity more than this? I would and do. I would expect a fair and equitable relationship. Sure sometimes one person gets busier than the other... but overall, both people need to participate. And not this 50-50 thing. If all you ever give is 50% to a relationship that's all you anticipate getting back.... IT should be 100-100... 100% dedication on both parts.
Move on... this relationship sounds too much like work (and keep yourself in check... if you find yourself justifying and making excuses for the relationship when reading this you'll know I am bang on!)
Aside from that... CELEBRATE! You are free again... you have already made the decision to move on, or you would not have written this. You are single and able to move onto something new in life. Remember, every ending is also a beginning.
PS - Don't avoid his calls, that is a cowards way out. Once you break up kindly ask him not to call anymore... and don't get sucked into 'we can be friends' it does not work that way....
2006-10-02 05:32:25 · answer #1 · answered by AskD 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just call him and say, "This isn't working out, I hope you find someone new. Good luck."
Why are you concerned about hurting his feelings and staying friends with you? He did treat you well in the relationship; he was lazy and indifferent. Does that show any concern for your feelings? Do you want friends like that? Don't put any more effort to him than you already have.
2006-10-02 12:22:07 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't u still love him? cuz i understand what you're going through too.. i just ended my relationship with my ex bf not long ago.. and i broke up with him was b/c i thought my feelings were not the same and that maybe a break up would be better.. so wen i did that.. i realized wow.. i feel good about this now.. and i wont have to worry about him.. but no.. my feelings later told me.. you still love him.. why did u break up with him? so maybe you should think about it over clearly b4 breaking up with him.. maybe tell him you just want a break for a bit.. and see how your feelings feel from there.. if that doesnt work and u end up breaking up with him.. you might regret it like i do right now.. and right now i'm trying hard to be a good friend to him.. but he's changed alot since the break up cuz i hurted really bad and knowing that he loved me that much that i shouldnt have broken up with him.. and it hurts.. you shouldnt break up with him yet. ^_^ so think about it.. and he's trying hs best to call you.. that means he does care.. its the problem that he doesnt have a phone.. you know what a difference that would be? he would be able to call you everyday if he had one.. and so far he doesnt have a phone and he's doing his best to get a phone just to call you.. he loves you.. so just think carefully about what you need to really do.. and dont regret your decision..
2006-10-02 12:26:21 · answer #3 · answered by (<' . '<)MoOomOOoo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Theres never an easy way out. No matter what you say to him, if he has feelings for you, its gonna hurt. Just be honest and tell him that you prefer to be just friends instead of being in a relationship with him. He's a big boy, he can handle it.
2006-10-02 12:32:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Write a letter! It should be simplier since he doesn't have a phone. Explain the pros and cons of your relationship. Just be honest. Since your writing a letter you should be able to say whatever you feel. Hope that helps.
2006-10-02 12:21:59 · answer #5 · answered by partknit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sabes que baby, no matter what, he will be hurt when you tell him it is over. Just tell him what is on your mind and the lack of communication on his part and the lies (he says he will call you back but never does). Unfortunately, I doubt he is going to want to be friends. Good luck mija.
2006-10-02 12:28:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him it isn't working out. He doesn't seem to be doing much to keep that kind of relationship going anyway. At least if you were "just friends" you wouldn't have to ask much of anything from each other.
2006-10-02 12:21:39 · answer #7 · answered by grace 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break up before the syndrome called Losofpenisalitus hits you.
2006-10-02 12:23:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
call him up and tell him you're going over. talk to him about it but don't be like.. HOW COME YOU NEVER CALL ME BLAH BLAH BLAH lol but just say that you think he's really nice and sweet and all but you just don't feel the connection haha. and tell him that you think it'd be better if ya'll were just friends
2006-10-02 12:23:29 · answer #9 · answered by totallyglamx3 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u will end up hurtin him, but atlest u wil be w/o him. just tell him the truth and be a lil nicer by not tellin him in a rush, try N explain it 2 him
2006-10-02 12:20:52 · answer #10 · answered by Franky 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋