I love her very much and would love to marry her some day, but I have only been with 1 girl, while she has been with many guys in the past. As much as I try to forgive her for her past, this knowledge causes me a lot of pain and any time I am reminded of it, I just get very depressed. Will this pain go away with time, or should I just move on wtih my life?
2006-10-02 04:39:42 · 27 answers · asked by gibbler68_2000 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Forgive her for her 'past' lovers...
what is there to forgive? She was entitled to a life before meeting you, and you make it sound like you hold it against her for having a life before meeting you.
The pain you feel is self afflicted, not caused by her but you and how you are brooding on her with previous lovers.
I don't want to sound harsh but if you can't overcome this problem then you are likely to drive her away. She doesn't have a problem, but you do because you are hurting yourself for something that has gone, can't be changed and had nothing to do with you, because you weren't part of her life then.
Love isn't about taking each others pasts with us, but to be together for now and the future, accepting each others pasts, each other and grow strong together.
Don't allow history to destroy tomorrow if she is what you want then you seriously need to let go of this issue-many don't realise what they lost until it's gone-if she is who you want then think about how likely this will drive her away, not marriage one day.
I'll pray you can let go for love, for you and for her
Good luck and God Bless xxx
2006-10-02 04:50:14 · answer #1 · answered by WW 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are jealous because she had so much sex when you only had one. I was there with my wife, when she told me that she had sex for nearly 13 years with another guy since she was 19, and that was a minister's daughter! Here I was, saving my self for marriage, and dating, but not having sex. I was virgin when I married her, and thought she was too, because she was a minister's daughter. It really takes a lot of time, and I moved on with my life, and enjoyed my wife whenever I can, as we were already married. To have affairs will ruin yourself, your partner and the person you are doing it with. I try to be even more sexually adventurous than he was with her, and she told me that I make sex more fun with her, and we've tried many things. I was able to help her to acheive orgasms, while her other guy was only interested in his orgasms. I've fulfilled some of her fantasties, that she claims the other guy found repulsive, like anal. It's not so bad, even though I'd rather have a bj or do it in the front, but it makes her happy, so we do it sometimes. You just have to find ways to have more fun, and give her what the other guys can't or won't. And the pain will eventually go way, as you two find ways to pleasure each other.
2006-10-02 05:10:36 · answer #2 · answered by David 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you live in the past you will never be able to have a future. It doesn't matter if she had sex with 1,000 or with 1 person before you. Jealousy is a hard thing to deal with and it is the leading cause in most breakups. What happened in the past is the past, nothing can change that. If you question her, you are liable to repeat your self, and she is liable to grow sour, in turn that will cause you more insecurity, and mistrust will build, then resentment, and soon hate. Better nip this on in the butt soon. When you start to think of a negative thought, replace it with a positive one. Think of this, out of all the men that have been in her life she choose you! WOW that is some thing powerful, you must be some catch to win her heart. She must love you so much to commit to you, she can probably teach you wonderful things, you and her can learn and explore together! You have to always think about little things that she does that caught your eye. Make a rule to live in today and you will be a much happier person.
2006-10-02 04:48:00 · answer #3 · answered by jn46036 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to get over it. There's nothing to forgive her for, and whatever she's done is what made her the way she is today. And what she is today is special to you. You should also be glad that she has enough experience with relationships to know that you're special.
Also, when you are older, and not as good looking as you are today, nobody will care about past partners. If you don't believe me, look at a lady in her 60s and ask yourself if it matters how many partners she had. It doesn't matter. What matters is how much you enjoy your partner's company.
2006-10-02 04:51:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand the word past. Before, prior to, and from a time awhile ago. If you can't live with the facts of your situation then you should reconsider the relationship. Everyone has a past of some sort, if your looking for a person who is a virgin or just a bit experienced your going to have to look long and hard. Forget it it doesn't involve you and she should of never told you in the first place, why do we do this? If she is faithful then let it go or it will ruin what you have and make her feel like she is reminded of it all the time. Sounds a bit immature to me. People have lived before we meet them.
2006-10-02 04:46:55 · answer #5 · answered by sideways 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm a guy who is currently living this situation.
I am 26 and have been married to an older woman for 7 years.
This is what will happen;
You will marry her anyways, and sometime down the line after kids and many years together, IT WON"T #%&@ING MATTER!!
Women are pushed into sex all the time, by past men.
So when men are finally ready to settle down they can't find that untainted virgin. HMMMMM......
You didn't get alot of girls because you were one of the GOOD guys she wants you and you need to see that for the true power that it is. If there is true love there you should be able to look past it. You are not in any position to FORGIVE her for her past. You are not devine, you need to look past it that is it.
This is probably something she is not proud of, do you have someting you are not proud of? Does she look past those things and love you for who you are TODAY. Love her for who she is TODAY, not for what she used to be. Your talking marrage and that is the future not the past.
2006-10-02 05:11:41 · answer #6 · answered by ssg_cox 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The pain will pass. You just got to think of now, and that now she's with you. Forget the past and look at the future, Yes, it does hurt. Keep your head up and mention to her that it makes you upset when talking about past relationships.
I hope things work out for you
2006-10-02 04:46:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just because you chose to be with only one other girl in your past doesn't give you the right to judge her past choices!!!!! She doesn't need your forgiveness for her past actions, who do you think you are anyway???? You have a very serious problem that requires medical therapy and I suggest you get it now because everyone except a virgin will have a past history. So either deal with it or start a relationship with your palm!!! (Hopefully your palm hasn't j***ed off any other c**ks)
2006-10-02 05:10:46 · answer #8 · answered by "N"saysable 1iric 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Forgive her for her past? She is who she is. Even if she wanted to, she can't change the past. So, is it safe to assume that you have never done anything that may make her wonder about you? If you can't get by this, then I suggest that you break it off now. Either you take her for who she is or leave her alone.
2006-10-02 04:48:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget her past.
Love her for who she is, not the mistakes she made in the past.
Hey, listen you shouldn't forgive her for her past...it was not a wrong committed against YOU....you should ACCEPT her past. Love is not conditional.
Gosh, now I realize this is truly you feeling like you are better than her!!! Perhaps you should just move on because I have the feeling SHE could do better than a judgmental crud like you.
2006-10-02 04:46:53 · answer #10 · answered by lofolulu 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋