My boyfriend and i are high school sweet hearts and have been together for 5 years 4 of them have been long distance through college. he is still in school while i am working and i am ready for a greater commitment than dating. he is the same age as me and says he is not ready. i feel that he is young and not ready for such a commitment and at some level feel guilty about pressuring him, but i have allot of pressure from my parents and they are introducing me to various people and want me to settle down soon. i feel that after 5 years it is dificult to walk away. Should I give it time and see if he comes around, or walk away before it comes to us dating for 7-8 years and then get hurt with it not working out? Also, he hesitates bringing my name up around his family, he is "guys guy" and has a hard time even texting me back if he is with his friends. on a plus, i do love him and i thnk we aer great together but my practical side is taking over. what should i do
2006-10-02 04:38:16 · 14 answers · asked by lishby 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think you should shake your boyfriend and your family from this perspective:
1. One of the great things about being young is that you DON'T have to settle down into anything other than learning how to be a responsible, self-sufficient adult. After that, the world is wide open to you.
2. Your boyfriend has clearly indicated that he's not ready for a greater commitment. Pressuring him is just going to make him resist you more.
3. Why do your parents want you to settle down soon? THIS IS YOUR LIFE! You make the decisions here.
4. I you should sit down and figure out what it is you want out of life. What kind of career do you want? What kind of future do you see for yourself concerning marriage and family (or not) and with what TYPE of man?
5. If this has been your only serious relationship, how do you know that he's the one?
I think you're having problems making the decision you need to make because you feel safe where you are. The problem with being safe is that you risk not finding what will really makes you happy. It's like the devil you know versus the devil you don't. The truth is, this relationship is unfulfilling. You're waiting on someone to do something you both know he won't.
Being an adult means making informed decisions and living with the outcome. It means that you take risks in order to grow emotionally and otherwise. It means that you learn to trust yourself, and if you make a bad decision, you suck it up and take it as a lesson learned. Ask yourself the following questions, and BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF WHEN YOU ANSWER:
1. Why do I love my boyfriend?
2. What does he do that shows he loves and respects me, and that we're heading in the same direction when it comes to our future?
3. If I didn't have a boyfriend, or the pressure of my parents, what would I be doing, or want to do, with my life?
4. What is the worst thing that will happen if I break it off with him?
5. What is it about this relationship that is good for me and is worth staying for?
Honestly, the relationship is already not working out and you know that. You just need to make the decision to move on and explore the possibilities for the rest of your life.
2006-10-02 04:57:45 · answer #1 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to test the waters - there is so much more out there. I think that's some of what your parents are saying.
However, given the time you've been dating your HS sweetie, I'm guessing you to be no older than 21 at the most. You should settle down when YOU are ready - not when your parents want you to.
You need to call it off with long-distance boyfriend. Just tell him you think you should see other people, you know - the typical "Dear John" type stuff. Heck, I'm a guy - and I can tell you now, he's seeing other people. He may say he's not, but he's a college boy on his own in the world - he's having a good time!
You're young. There is a lot out there. Explore. Have fun while you can - because, pretty soon, the fun will be over and it's back to life.
Date around. Go out with friends. Make new friends. Get away from home - travel if you can, move if you can - not too far away, but get out there and see what the world is all about. You've been bottled up too long!
If the college guy loves you, and he's serious about you, he'll come back to you. Don't worry about that. In the mean time, be free!
2006-10-02 11:44:08 · answer #2 · answered by gatesfam@swbell.net 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can respect it is hard to walk away after that long, because I have been there myself. I was 21 years old and dated this guy for 3 years. Key word, dated. He wasn't seeing any other women, but it wasn't a bf/gf type relationship. It was very hard to walk away, but I had to. Otherwise if you stay in this same relationship for a while it will even more seal to your bf that how things are going now are fine with you.
The best of luck to you!
When you say commit do you mean marriage? If so that isn't the same I was in. Either way, I say walk away for now. If he truly loves you and you him then one day it might work out, but sounds as if for now you need to step back and allow both of you to determine what it is you want.
2006-10-02 11:42:34 · answer #3 · answered by Pam 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I totally say, end it with him. I know for 5 years you put in alot of time in with him. But he might ever decides what he wants. And not to mention the fact that though he is a guy's guy, no one is that much into their friends that they can't take a lil ragging if he texts you back or even calls you. I know you are feeling the heat from your parents to settle down too, but don't let them force you into a relationship you may not be ready for either. You said you are both young, I say make it an amicable breakup and do what is best for the both of you.
2006-10-02 12:01:22 · answer #4 · answered by Bloody Kisses 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you feel you need a commitment? If it is because of your parents, ask them to back down a bit. I mean this is your life isnt it? If you live with your parents you need to get your own place. Do not pressure anyone into marriage that would be a fatal mistake.
2006-10-02 11:42:49 · answer #5 · answered by Val 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have been dating five years and he has a hard time mentioning you to his family? Very Odd. You shouldn't break up with him just because your parents want you to get married either but If you have been together five years and he still doesn't know if he wants to be with you. Well it may be time to do some serious thinking about what YOU want.
2006-10-02 11:42:20 · answer #6 · answered by Jen G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it seems that this guy doesn't want to be known that u r 2gether/he jus wants it to be datin only nd it neve came to his mind that u waanted to go all the way but wants u to be together wit him i think that u shuld tell him how u think his reaction is if u think that he really isn't into it then u culd jus leave him for another person since he isnt ready for tha commitment nd it's better to leave him know than to be dumped after years of dating
2006-10-02 11:50:55 · answer #7 · answered by aint I beautiful 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say leave cuz you two are not on the same page....practicallity is good...I'm in the same situation as far as my guy, we have been together for over 4 years and he says the same thing to me, I'm not sure what I want, well make the decision for him...easier said than done...(wink wink)
2006-10-02 11:41:43 · answer #8 · answered by Redd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Vanessa Manillo said If a guy says he loves you, needs you, wants you but is scared to move forward... he will never be ready, and you should move on.
2006-10-02 11:40:47 · answer #9 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i would stay with him. just sit him down and talk to him about it and see what happens then and if hes not ready then dont force him into it thats the same way with my boyfriend im ready for a commitment but hes not so im going to just wait until he is ready. but just stay with him. my boyfriend takes forever to cll or come see me so i just wait. its just his friends i mean he will come out of it. are yall married or has he given you a ring?
2006-10-02 11:46:17 · answer #10 · answered by debbie s 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋