I am 20 yrs old, I now live with my Dad. My mother raised me by herself for 18 years. Now am living with him, he wants to treat me as a child trying to make up for his lost time. I keep telling him that that is not my fault and that I should not be punished for it. He takes the smallest issue and makes it into a big problem. All my life I've been trying to please people, and I am tired of it. I want to go away to college and he does not want me to leave(and I am tired of walking on eggshells around this man) I want to do something for me. I am a short tempered person, I really am trying to keep my calm and respect him in his house, but he keeps pushing my buttons. It has gotten to a point where I am very depressed sometimes I go an entire day without eating. What should I do and how do I approach this matter?
2006-10-02 04:37:18 · 16 answers · asked by naughty 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your father is having a typical reaction. He didn't get to go through the normal progression of things and he can only relate to the child he remembers. I would suggest you make a list of events that have happened throughout your life. Sit him down and start with your earliest memory. Then kindly walk him down the path of the progression of your life.
As far as him making nothing into a big issue, this is his way of becoming important to you. He can't admit you had it covered, he can't help with what you need from him now, so he blows things out of proportion and takes credit for being the cure.
Whether he wants you to leave or not, you're at a crossroad in Life. You have to make the next step or remain dependent. Do the groundwork for getting into college, line up your financial assistance, look into on campus (or off campus) housing, get your paperwork in order. Ask about help getting work if you're not working. They often have jobs for students on campus.
You sound like a reasonable person capable of making a responsible decision for yourself.
Try to let your Dad's behaviors slide. You're not going to make a huge difference in his behaviors because if you're leaving you don't have time, and a lot of it sounds like basic personality anyway. It's great that he finally got involved. You can say, "Dad it's great that you got involved now, but at this stage I have to...(work on getting to college, learn to make decisions for myself, whatever.) "
I commend you for allowing him to share this time with you. Keep your head up and do the things that will lead you to financial security and independence. Nothing is perfect, not even fathers. Hang in there and aim for your end result. You can do it.
2006-10-02 05:48:55 · answer #1 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A: I would continue to respect your father, he is your father after all. B: I would talk with him about you feelings and tell him the trueth in a non offincive way. C: I would listen to his responces and see if I am not missing something that he is tring to protect me from. I would relise that this is the situation that there has to be a resonable compermise and find it. I do understand the frustration of walking on egg shells for a man, how ever this is your father. He is the only one that is your father. So I would relise that as he probibly sees it, either of you are garented a tomarrow and he wants to spend time with you, he is probibly rushing to install in you all that he can with the time he has left. However you want to go to school, so maybe you should sit down with your dad and discuss a time when you will leave for school, say 3 months, 3 weeks or even 1 year. Then explain to him that you do not want to leave him after just getting the chance to live with him, however that you need to concider your futer. Tell him of how he will be able to visit you or you coming to visit him on holidays ect.. Assure him that he is not lossing you, instead he is helping you to better yourself. I would deffinetly assure him that you love him and that school will not mean you are gone forever. Then you will have the oppertunity to help comfort him about his fears and what nots instead of fighting him on what you are going to do. You may find that with a non offince compermissing discussion, and you lissening to what he is saying, and approching it that way, you bolth will feel better about the situation. No more egg shells. Good luck sweetheart!
2006-10-02 11:59:00 · answer #2 · answered by princesssarahchild@yahoo.com 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep calm about it all, next time an argument breaks out tell him that you are an adult now and want the respect that comes with it. Tell him that he missed out of 18 years of your life but by trying to keep you in the past he will miss the next 18 years as well. Losing your temper will only make things worse so try and stay cool.
2006-10-02 11:39:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously youre in a difficult situation and it seems like the best choice is just to get out of it. You can't rebuild your relationship with your father overnight, so maybe it's a good idea not to live with him right now. Go away to college if that's what you want to do, he can't stop you. Keep in touch while youre away and try to visit him often. Hopefully you can build your relationship from there. Even if you don't go away to school, it might be a good idea not to live with him right now. Just my two cents...
2006-10-02 11:40:41 · answer #4 · answered by Annette J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you say you are 20 yo., time to move out and get on with life. I believe that the button pushing is a test to see how far he can push you. And from what you are saying, you let him push very far. It may be hard to move out based upon money and friends, but do it. He could get violent and worst hit you. Be prepared to just pack and get out. Sorry to hear about how tough it is.
Edna
2006-10-02 11:40:44 · answer #5 · answered by edna_romano_1943 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
will you are 20 move back in with your mother and get your life together and go to college find your self a job and live happy ok
2006-10-02 11:50:37 · answer #6 · answered by Summer G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are living under his roof, so you have to put up with some of his rules and beliefs. You should try to act like an adult and not lose your cool. If you can't handle the way he treats you then you should probably find your own place to live.
2006-10-02 11:40:04 · answer #7 · answered by smoothie 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well i think when ever you have a chance you two should disccuss whats going on and how you feel....even though he didnt raise you he is still your dad...when ever hes saying something thats dumb or watever just ignored him pretend your listening to him....when your actully not....that works for me...anyway bout college thats your future not his and you should go away to school...hope i helped
2006-10-02 11:42:23 · answer #8 · answered by tennis068 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should tell your dad how you feel and let him know you love him but you need alife too and that its his fault not yours that he missed out on 18 years of your life and its to late to gain what he lost tell him you want to go to college to get your life started and want to have a life of your own and tell him hell still see you even if your in college
2006-10-02 11:41:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a job and get out of the house. You'll never regret it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or something.
2006-10-02 11:39:30 · answer #10 · answered by DomC 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋