Dilemma! What would you advise?

Question

A friend came up to me and asked for advice. When he told me about his situation, i was stumped. here it is, in point form.

His mother gives him astrological rings to wear.
He is an adherent of a religious group, led by his uncle.
The religious group is very much against the wearing of the astological rings.
He can't wear rings around his neck
He knows if he doesn't wear them, his mother would be deeply hurt.
His uncle declared that if the rings are worn, it is a sign that he is not truly faithful. (No room made for error in this religious group)
To be "docile" and to wear the rings to please his mother is a sign of weakness.

my friend does not want to lie to anyone, nor does he want to hurt his mother. He doesn't want to waver from his spiritual path as laid out by his uncle.

What advice would you give to him?

So many good answers. (I agree with all of them, incidentially.)


Many thanks. I will leave the best answer for you to vote on, and than I will show the best answer to this man.

cheers.

Answer 1

My advice to him would be for him to find his own spiritual path. This is something that he needs to do for himself, and something that brings him peace and happiness, it should not be something that makes him feel bad for being nice to his mother.
His spirituality should be for his benefit & only then will others also benifit from it. If he is going down a certain path to only please his uncle, no good will come from it.

Answer 2

You wrote: "His uncle declared that if the rings are worn, it is a sign that he is not truly faithful. (No room made for error in this religious group)"

That is not for his uncle... or the religious group... to decide. He needs to tell the uncle that the ring is not a sign of anything at all... but if his uncle cannot accept that, and keeps insisting that it is a "...a sign that he is not truly faithful...", then he needs to take THAT as a sign that he has made a bad decision pertaining to his religious path. He needs to find a different one.

Answer 3

The best advice is to tell his mother how he feels about the ring. I think the best way to do this is for the mother to be "docile". Now, we must understand what the word "docile" means. Docility is not giving up or us becoming a door mat for others to walk on. That is the modern distortion of the word. The true meaning of docile is "to be teachable", in other words, to have the disposition to be taught something.
And so, the son must teach his mother why he does not wish to wear the ring. However, he must be articulate and not offer platitudes such as, "it's against my faith and against the first commandment of the ten commandments." This offers no teaching to the mother. It is better if he were to explain fully of why it is against his faith in God' s care and providence. It is more pastoral for him to explain why it is an infracture of the first commandment. This is so the mother learns clearly why he has chosen not to wear the ring rather than her thinking it is just a personal dislike.
In fact, the dialogue would be enhanced if he also allows his mother to teach him why the ring is given to him. N.B. (Nota Bene; note well) that the ring was given not to lead him into evil. She is a mother and is offering what she believes is good and for his good. However, she is mistaken in its form. She requires correction and that comes from the honest, clear, and kind teaching from her son.
This is the only way the situation can be resolved. May the Lord bless and keep you. May He let the light of His face shine upon you.
God's and your beast of burden
Fr. john

Answer 4

Well, the religion situation sounds suspiciously like a cult, so I'd be inclined to not support his involvement. However, let's assume this is some legitimate religion. His mother probably knows about this and is trying to manipulate her son out of it with her beliefs. If he wants to continue this religion, he just needs to explain the situation to his mother. If she doesn't understand, then she doesn't understand. He must follow what he believes, while trying to accommodate his mother, but you can only put your own beliefs so far aside for others. He should try talking to his mother to help her understand his beliefs, and that he does still care about her.

Answer 5

How about he grows a spine, figures out his true religious beliefs on his own, and then acts accordingly?

If he does not believe in astrology, he should not wear the rings. If he does not believe in his uncle's religion, he should leave the group. If he believes in both things, he should keep doing both things.
Helding a belief just to please your family is extremely stupid.

Answer 6

Screw his uncle and do what he wants for himself. His uncle made up some stupid rule about what freaking RINGS you can wear, he's clearly much too strict with the religion he has set out. There are much more important things religions could spend their time on that worrying about rings they can wear.

Answer 7

I agree with the person who said he needs to follow his heart. What does HE believe? If he believes this don't wear the rings stuff, then he needs to be up front with his mom and explain why he can't wear her gift. If he doesn't believe it, then maybe he needs to reconsider his belief in this particular religion.

Answer 8

would suggest he wear the rings around the house and mother. when going to be around his uncle " conveniently forget " to place the rings on his fingers.

Answer 9

Sounds like a sequal to the Lord of the Rings... does your friend have elf ears and long white hair? If so, give him my number...

Answer 10

I would tell him to find a better spiritual path.