Why do some some stay at home mothers...?

Question

I asked a question last night and I think I worded it very wrong. I got a very negative response and wanted to ask my question to people in a more polite way. In my question I asked why some stay at home mothers or housewives neglect to do housework and then say they were tired or they had a bad day--several days in a row? I understand a bad day or two but several days in a row…I just don’t understand! I would like to know what these mothers do all day? Of course they care for their children but what do they do during naps or when they have spare time? I really don’t understand. Is organization and routine that uncommon? Is tiding every room for maybe ten minutes each a day that hard and tiring?

I am not talking about mothers who go to work part-time, work from home, or go to college. I’m talking about the regular SAHM who is caring for children all day long.

EXTRA INFORMATION IF YOU FEEL LIKE READING OR WANT TO PASS JUDGEMENT ON ME OR MY SITUATION:

I am a mother to one (7months) and a full time care giver to another (5yrs). By caregiver, I mean I am not his mother but he has been in my care for the past year and a half--with no outside support. I consider myself a caregiver because I am not his mother but I do take care of him by myself with no outside help. I should also state I live thousands of miles from family and friends. My husband is in the Air Force and we live in Florida. Our families live in New Mexico and Ohio. My husband and I do this on our own. Another thing that might be useful in my defense--he was in Iraq when I had my son. He was there from November to June--the last trimester of my pregnancy and the first four months of my son’s life. Yes, my mother and sister came for two weeks to help out but that was it. I was able to maintain a clean home and I still am able to maintain a clean home.

I have “bad” days where things don’t get done--or I am just lazy but our house is clean and well maintained. I wash dishes, cook, do laundry, and keep the house in order. I am not a perfect mother and I don’t claim to be one. With this said I obviously know that being a stay at home mom is rough at times. I know that it is not a nine to five job. It is 24/7. I do not look down on others for not maintaining a clean home but would just like to know why?

It isn’t that I care that these people don’t have clean homes. This question is just like any other “why is the sky blue?” question. I’m just trying to figure out why. It is just a question--not meant to be taken personally and I’m sorry if you do.

Yes, I am a stay at home mother.

I'm choosing best answer now. If anyone would like to see my *busy* schedule--feel free, it's on my question previous to this one.

I must also add to my schedule--if you decide to look--there are so many other things that just come up--that I didn't feel were necessary to discuss because they aren't every day occurrences. As for people who say if you clean you don't spend time with your kids--GIVE ME A BREAK! I spend time with my kids all day and if they need me I'll put down my mop and bucket and say hey or help them out.

As far as I'm concerned Jellybean is right. Everyone brought up their best defense when it comes to cleaning. I've had bad days--in fact I've had bad weeks. At least I can admit I'm being lazy not too **busy** you can always find the time!

Answer 1

Its not just a mother question and that's your premise. There are people who work at jobs that are always putting off things, never meeting deadlines, whose work spaces are disorganized and can never find things. If they are not organized self-starters, then they are going to have difficulties cleaning their house, and supervising their children because all the little interruptions are going to throw them off schedule and its very difficult for them without someone there to tell them what to do to recover each time there is a set back. Really, if they are bad enough they never can keep a job anyway and so they do no better at home than they did at work.
As much as it pains me to say this, it seems to me the level of house cleaning and cooking have diminished so much over the past forty years that what most women consider accomplishments today would have been considered barely adequate back then. And yes, quite a few of us worked and/or went to school then too.

Answer 2

I understand where you are coming from, I am a SAHM of a two year old and a one year old. My house is usually kept well maintained, I live by my routine. I say usually because on top of that I am a full time college student, sometimes my homework load is so much that I let my household chores go for a week, but I always catch up when I can. My fiance has a few duties that he performs-mostly taking out the garbage. Sometimes dishes, and about once a week he does bathtime with the kids. Everything else falls on me: cleaning, laundry, paying bills, grocery shopping, etc. I'm lucky if I get a day off once a month, but this is the price I pay to be a mom. I'm happy with my choices in life, and I know one day, when my kids are a little older I won't have to work so hard, until then, I enjoy teaching them things everyday.

Answer 3

There is a big difference in a cluttered house and a dirty house. And there are so many different types of people. Some people aren't as concerned that everything is picked up as others are, it doesn't necessarily mean they are lazy. I stayed home with my kids when they were little, and it seemed like we got stuff out, picked up and then started the next thing and what do you know there was another mess. Laundry just seems to pile up. I still can't get it all done. As soon as I think I'm done, the hamper seems to be full again. Plus, there's a big difference in having 2 kids or 3 or 4. Some kids are easier than others. You seem to think that everyone should do things the way you do or they are wrong. As long as a mother's house isn't so messy that it is dangerous to her kids and as long as she and her husband don't seem to care then why do you care?

Answer 4

I imagine some stay at home mothers are lazy. I am a stay at home mother to 4 month old twins and there have been days where I just do not feel like tidying up my house. Being a mother is exhausting, it isn't like a regular job where you get a lunch break, 2 coffee breaks and at 5pm the job ends, the job of being a mother is round the clock, 24/7. Sometimes you just need to take a break from something. Mothering alone is a huge responsibility, nevermind tacking on mundane household chores whenever you get a quiet moment to yourself. The days I havent run around my house like susie homemaker, I am still washing bottles, sterlizing them, making formula, washing baby clothing and at some point taking a shower, finding the time to make myself something quick to eat. You can't tell me that previous to having children you never had a weekend where you really didnt feel like doing anything at all, just having a relaxing, worry free lazy weekend. If not, I feel sorry for you, loosen up a bit..you'll live longer :)

"it seems to me the level of house cleaning and cooking have diminished so much over the past forty years that what most women consider accomplishments today would have been considered barely adequate back then. And yes, quite a few of us worked and/or went to school then too."

If there is a husband, boyfriend, significant other in the picture why is it the sole purpose of the female to not only care for the children but maintain an entire household that she is not the sole member of. I am grateful that in the last 40 years women are not slaving over ovens, starching and ironing their husbands shirts and providing sole care for their children, day in and day out. More then one adult lives in the home, you should share the responsibility of a clean environment (the woman is not the only person who uses the toilet, walks on the carpet) 2 people made the child(ren) 2 people should share the responsbility that comes along with that. Yes, the significant other leaves the home to go to a paid job, but the stay at home mother never leaves her unpaid job.

Answer 5

Hi. College student and full time employment seeker with four kids and a husband at home.... Also have asthma, many allergies and a general tiredness. Tend to get sick a lot.

I know for me, on those days, it's because I put so much time and energy and money into making things nice and my husband doesn't fix things up when it gets messed up while I'm gone. I also spent all my premarried life doing chores and hating some of those chores because I was taught it's what women do and was made more important than my homework. My brother had no chores except the garbage. So it's part rebellion with me, and I'll assume other women too. I'd like to see my husband not make my efforts a waste of money and time. I'd like to enjoy SOME time, have fun, and not feel guilty for it. I bet other moms are like that too, and it's a matter of them taking better control of what goes on in their lives so they do what they want, but don't slack off on cleaning too. Oh, and often we don't have the money to do some types of cleaning every day. It SUCKS coz then people think you're just sitting around all day if they come over and see it not perfect one day.

Answer 6

as a nanny, mother and also a woman who works a full time job, I know first hand that being a SAHM is the hardest job there is. It is never ending-there are no smoke breaks or lunch breaks-no personal days or vacations. Even if there is a dad in the picture many of them come home with the attitude that they worked all day, and just got home so should be allowed to relax, well when does the SAHM get that opportunity, she never leaves her job, and goes home and has an opportunity for some alone time. It can become overwhelming-you can lose a sense of self and start to feel under appreciated, and almost invisible. There are no pay raises for time put in or a job well done. This is the real world, and nobody is June Cleaver or Mrs. Brady (even she had a Alice).

Answer 7

I am a stay at home mom. I have a 13 month old and a 2 month old. Some days I get a lot done but others I get nothing done. As per your question, I do not believe that moms neglect housework, perhaps it is just that something else is more important. Or perhaps they really are tired, I know that happened to me after I had my first , I couldn't seem to get enough sleep or get motivated. Good for you, taking care of another child, but whether you just want to understand or not, you have no business passing judgement or expecting other women to be just like you. We are all at different satges in our lives, so I say live and let live.

Answer 8

WOW! Do you stay at home? I am just curious because you mention "spare time". I am not familiar with this concept having 3 children under 6 at home! LOL! It is a lot harder to keep things in order when your children are actually in your own home all day instead of messing up a daycare. Many SAHMs are also much more directly involved with each child's activities throughout the day. Keep in mind that it takes twice or even three times as long to get laundry put away when you are allowing the 2 yr old to help but you are also building many skills and helping that child grow by allowing them to do so. It's not a bad trade off!

Answer 9

Hi, well I think the same thing sometimes.. Somethings you think in your head but don't say out-loud. Like when you are taking a walk and your neighbors lawn is over grown and you think mow the darn thing lazy.. sheez. I have two boys and keep a clean house with the exception of sickness it is always tidy. I do keep a routine on how that gets done. That is what I like, but it isn't for everyone. Some people are not bothered by clutter or dishes in the sink. So it doesn't matter. That is fine whatever works for the family. I think it doesn't matter if they have children or not. If you were messy before children you probably will be messy when you have them. Everyone is different and people handle things differently. Children keep you so busy that it is sometimes hard to focus on the housework. Anyways, you keep a clean house that is great that is what works for you and you feel comfortable in your surroundings. If your neighbors/friends and family don't meet your expectations with how they take care of their house keep it to yourself. Remember everyone is different, not everyone keeps a clean desk at the office either but if they get the job done who cares???

Answer 10

Believe it or not there is really not that much time left over in the day to make the house immaculate. It is near impossible to clean when my daughter is awake as she follows me around and demands that I stop what I am doing and read/play with her. While she is awake I do throw in laundry, but cant fold it till she is in bed unless I want to watch her unfold it for me. Now that she is 2 and can feed herself I can do the dishes while she is eating her lunch to save a bit of time. (When she was a baby it was just as hectic since she got up at about 6. I seemed to spend all of my time breastfeeing, calming a crying baby, bathing her, and changing diapers. she did sleep longer, but I was so tired myself by then that i sometimes would take a nap too) When she is asleep I still have to be a bit quiet and cant exactly clean around her room unless I want to wake her and have a crabby kid for the rest of the day. Also as she gets older her naps get shorter and shorter. I can and do clean the bathrooms when she is sleeping since that is pretty quiet. Then I also have to get dinner ready at some point. It is just amazing how quickly the day goes by. My husband is home from work pretty early so I can get more done then if he plays with her. I suppose If I ever had a whole day to myself and can seriously clean the house it would be very easy to maintain it on a daily basis, but these days to myself are few and far between. Right now it does not help that I am 9 months pregnant with my second and it is difficult to do anything, but my house looks pretty good since I am nesting a bit. It is also difficult since we just moved our daughter into her new big girl bed and room so things are not all moved yet so there is still stuff everywhere to be moved. I have no idea how people who work full time have a moment to do anything? You dont know how busy you will be till you are at home with a child.