Stay at home moms say their job deserves respect for what it is?

Question

But why do they expect their husband or significant other to help with the housework and errands? They don't go to his job and help him do his job, right? So, why is it a double standard? Why do women up here line up to belittle guys who want to rest after a long days work instead of helping do the housework or watch the kids? Since it's the "job" of the SAHM that she martyred herself out for, and she wears so many hats, why do they complain buckets of snivel when the man doesn't help unless prodded with "her work"? Please, explain. Be fair, and don't be mad at me for pointing out the obvious. I have no issues with pulling up links and calling a lot of you out that were just up here singing this song.

I hear a lot of defense and some offense, and NO rational explanation or answer to my question.

Amanda...I am a WOMAN with two kids, and I currently am taking college courses. I still don't expect my husband who is in the Military to come home and fold clothes, vaccum, do dishes...etc. That's my realm, because I am HERE. I don't go to his company and help him with his soldiers. I agree they need to help with the kids, but aside from him tidying up behind himself during the week, I don't get pissy over him not helping with the brunt of the housework. It's unfair, and you sound incredibly lazy.

Everyone wants to dance around my question and offer no answer of substance. Fine, I'll label you all as lazy, and until someone gives my a true answer, Lovato gets the 10 as far as I am concerned.

Answer 1

Good though provoking question (and I'm sure you'll get many harsh responses as my question got!). They actually talked about this on GMA the other morning. One SAHM said 'I stayed at home to be with my child, not to take care of the house'. Sorry, but if you're at home all day, I can't see how you CAN'T get any housework done. I mean you can clean and still be interacting with your child. Heck, I work at a group home for 10 schizophrenics who I have to always be watching alone, but I STILL get all my cleaning/paperwork done/etc.!

Answer 2

Don't worry about having an immaculate house. I'm not a stay at home mom but personally I don't understand how some women keep their houses spotless. Their poor kids must have to stay in their rooms all the time or something. My house is only spotless on Saturday mornings - that's when I do my weekly cleaning. The rest of the week I do basic pickup and wipe down when I get home from work. I literally set a timer for 10 minutes and do nothing but clean. The 10 minutes a day keeps it from getting truly dirty but means I don't follow my daughter around all evening telling her to pick up her toys (actually she does that during the 10 minutes cleaning and it keeps them under control, if there's some on the floor when we go to bed so what, that's what the next days 10 minutes is for). If 10 minutes a couple times a day isn't enough time for you to get the house the way you want then my suggestion would be to advertise around the neighborhood for a mother's helper - a younger teenager who can entertain and take care of the kids for an hour or two while you clean house and do laundry.

Answer 3

OK first let me say that i am a stay at home mom. that is my job so there for 99 percent of the house work child rearing and other hats as you say fall to me.I think what other the mothers you are referring to are complaining about is this,OK so yes it is my job to clean the house and look after the kids but that does not mean that just because my husband works he does not have to be involved with his children. After all they are his kids to.And for that matter it does not mean that every once in awhile{not every day hell not every week just once in while} it would be a crime if he did the dishes, or even washed a load of laundry. My husband comes home to a clean house and hot meal, he is grateful he works hard and needs this, how ever he also understands that i work hard to and some times appreciate it when he does some thing so i don't have to. maybe these other mothers don't have that.It comes down to give and take. If you are willing to understand that he's had a hard day and mabey just doesn't' want to take out the garbage rite now He will be willing to give a hand with something when you are tired.

Answer 4

I understand with the housework but with the kids. Those are his kids too and he needs to spend time with them. The kids are not just the wives job. And, sometimes they are just so busy with errands all day they need the husband to entertain the kids so she can get everything else done and don't have to be doing housework all night. Plus, the job of housewife is 24 hours. The husband goes to work 8 hours and come home so why shouldn't he have to do anything but kick his feet up when he gets home? Taking care of your own children should not be forced on them, they should want to spend time with the children.

My feelings if I was a housewife is I do all cooking and cleaning and errands. But, when you get home I get you time to settle in then its your turn with the kids. The husband should also do the the outside work like take out trash, lawn work, and car maintenance. The woman should not have to work 24/7 and the man 8/5, you know.

Answer 5

If I were married and my husband stayed home and cared for the kids while I worked, I would expect to do something when I got home. I work for 8-hours a day (with breaks and down time during the drive to and from work). The person at home would have spent those same 8-hours running around after kids, cleaning, cooking, etc possibly without any down time to regain the sanity it is easy to lose around little kids. So, why should both parents not be equally responsible for household chores & parenting duties after that 8-hours? Maybe the better question is why do these men complain so loudly about spending time with their children instead of the TV set?

Answer 6

Because a most jobs have set hours - 8-5, for example - and when you leave the office, your work day is over. In addition, you get weekends, vacations, sick days, etc. A stay-at-home-mom is a 24 hour, 7 day per week, job. You don't get vacation time or weekends off. You're lucky of you get to take a nap when you have the flu!! And caring for a child all day is not the piece of cake people make it out to be. Small children are demanding and needy and they don't care if the laundry is piling up or that you need to start dinner. They want what they want! At the end of the day, we moms' are ready for a little break. Granted, a man coming home from the office might require time to "decompress" too and this is where the conflict comes in. I think it's important for a woman to understand this, but it's just as important for a man to do the same. Just because mom hasn't been in the office earning that paycheck doesn't mean she hasn't been working, probably, harder than you and she craves a break.

Answer 7

Well , the rule here is that if he doesn't like the way I do the job then he can do it. I am not a very creative cook so meals do get boring. He doesn't like it so he needs to pitch in now and then (he happens to be a great cook). Now we compromise - he tells me what he wants to cook for dinner and I prep it for him.
Cleaning is the same way - if he doesn't like how it is done then he can do it. He also took over food shopping for that reason, too.
So basically, he needs to learn not to complain about how I do my job or do it himself. Afterall, when he gets fed up with too much negativity at work, he can find another job.
And how about the little things like going to the bathroom alone once in a while or taking a shower? I also don't have two ten minute breaks or a lunch break. Sometimes my breakfast and lunch consists of what was left in my son's plate when he decided that he was done. When i am at the computer, my son is fighting with me for the keyboard. When he is napping, I'm ironing or doing dishes.
Yes, we deserve respect but we also deserve a break. But respect is a two way street and we should not expect it if we don't give it. I have no problem with my husband needing to rest when he comes home - as long as he is willing to give me a bit of time to myself at some point.

Answer 8

I don't think the husbands of SAHM's should have to come home and do a damn thing (unless it's something that the woman physically can't do...maybe climb into the attic and get down the Christmas decorations or mow the lawn or something). I know I would cut off my left arm if I could stay home with my two kids during the day. If my husband could earn enough to allow me to do so, I'd f*cking meet him at the front door with a martini and slippers every night. Forget asking him to take out the trash or help cook dinner. I'd be asking, "What can I do for YOU?" LOL

P.S. What's this thing you and Lindsey have going on? You guys seem to have an awful lot in common. Maybe you're not only bipolar or schizophrenic or whatever ailment it is you claim to have, but you also have split personality disorder? Good God.

Answer 9

Devil's Advocate here....the guy goes to work and has breaks. He also works 8 hours a day. Mom is on call 24/7

Anyway, I am a SAHM and I don't complain. All I ask my hubby to do is mow the lawn, and take the trash out to the curb. We have an industrial Bunton mower that I can't control, and our curb can is huge and usually VERY heavy. Otherwise, he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do as far as housework goes.

My hubby has no problem with helping out with the kids, because if I'm not mistaken Dad is a parent, too. That's part of his job, just as much as it is mom's. I do most of that work, without complaint, because he gives me time away.

Answer 10

I am a stay at home mother.My husband works full time & i barely ever ask for help with the house work.He has'nt done dishes in 15 mths.Every once in a while i will ask him to get up with the kids.He works from 4pm to 1am so i raise my 5yr old & 14mth old 99% of the time & do 100% of the housework.It is not easy having my job as a stay at home mother,but i would'nt change it for the world.I understand that he works his hiney off to support his family.I don't think that all the time he realizes how much i do & how hard it can be.My whole day consist of cleaning up messes,doing laundry cooking & meeting my childrens needs.If i do ask him to do something around the house every once in a while to get a little break he puts it off for days & does it half a**,so if i want it done right i just do it myself.I think it is fair for him to help every once in a while.That is normally once every 6-8mths.