My mother in law (who thankfully lives in another satate) is constantly disrespecting me by refusing to talk to me when I answer the phone and by recently verbally attacking me during a family tragedy that had nothing to do with her. I was trying to let my hubby get some sleep after he had just found out that his father was killed (his parents had not seen each other in over 25 years BTW) and she called and yelled at me to wake him up even though he'd been awake for 24 hours, was running on empty, and it took him 2 hours to actually fall asleep. He's only been sleeping for 2 hours when she told me she was losing patience with ME and I must wake him up to deal with things!
Well, my husband has yet to say anything to her about her treatment of me. I've waited for over a month to let him relax and deal with other more pressing things, but he talks to her nearly everyday and never says one word about her treatment of me. Do I have a right to feel angry? Should he defend me?
2006-10-02 03:35:50 · 11 answers · asked by brookebjpl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My husband moved away from his home state @ 16 because his mother has some control and mental issues. She has repeatedly attacked both of us because we do not do her bidding and do not agree with her. He loves his mother, but he isn't the "mama's boy" kind of guy.
I have tried for years to get along with her, but she refuses to even try to get along with me and bad mouths me to my husband. I have been understanding and patient for a very long time, but when she attacked me when we were in mourning, it was too much. I'm tired of playing nice when she tries to undermine and manipulate my marriage.
2006-10-02 04:05:46 · update #1
I've asked him to say something to her, in a very nice and patient way, but he still will not talk to her about it. He says he doesn't want to start anything, but I feel like it's already been started and he is abandoning me to the lion that wants to destroy my marriage. i want to support him and continue to stand by him unwaveringly, but I am feeling more and more betrayed.
2006-10-02 06:58:05 · update #2
In a perfect world you marry a person not their family. In our world you marry the family as well.
However, I can honestly say that your husband should politely tell his mother to either speak to you cordially or not at all. That is he duty and responsibility.
My husband and I told both sets of family that under no circumstances would we allow our families to come between us as husband and wife. This includes our children from previous marriages. It would not be tolerated and to do so would cause a break with them. We have not had any problems whatsoever and enjoy large get togethers.
It is the duty of a man and wife to support their spouse and to not allow anyone to disrespect them. Of course, then too, it is not to be tolerated for a spouse to deliberately cause a problem or be disrespectful to members of their spouses family either. Ground rules should be set prior to saying "I Do".
2006-10-02 04:04:02 · answer #1 · answered by mommakaye 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, judges tend to side with the mother in child custody cases. But it sounds like you have a very good case to show she's mentally unfit. You have an even better libel case because of the blogs. I know it sucks for the 12-year-old, but it will be even worse for her to be brought up by that woman, who is unstable and undoubtedly filling her head with terrible ideas about you and your husband. Take her to court for moving out of state without court's consent if you can and in your claim, include everything you did here, even if you've stated it in the past.
2016-03-27 02:02:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what it is time for you to learn to respect yourself and tell her exactly how you feel no bars on anything you say. Either she starts respecting you or it will be a cold day in hell before you let her talk to her son again. What right has she to tell you to wake your husband up to deal with her. No wonder her son left her at 16. This woman obviously needs counseling for her abusive,controlling and excessive behavior someone needs to tell her when to stop this behavior and just maybe you are the one. Good Luck I hope this helps.
2006-10-02 05:35:44 · answer #3 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is the best advice you are every going to get. Back away quickly from anything to do with his mother. No son is going to get crossways of his mother. Keep your head down and your mouth shut; be a loving wife and say nothing about his mother. Time will pass and she will eventually come to accept you. Mothers are strange creatures when it comes to sons; ask around among your friends and you can verify this fact of life. When you have a son and he marries remember history and try to be a little more tolerant. For historical reference about the strength of the mother/son relationship consider this tidbit. There was a fellow by the name of adolf hitler who rose to high power and tried to take over the world; his mother died of cancer. Her doctor was jewish and worked day and night to save her and help her; years before hitler rose to power. His mother's doctor was never bothered in any way, shape or form during all the years hitler was in power. Strange but true!!!
2006-10-02 03:46:57 · answer #4 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She isn't under any obligation to talk to you. That is her personal choice to make. All she is obligated to do is be polite when you answer the phone.
You aren't in charge of your husbands sleep schedule. This was an emergency situation, and if he did not want to deal with it or her ... it was HIS responsibility to tell her. That was HIS father who died, HIS mother who was calling and HER ex-husband. You are manufacturing outrage for a situation that has nothing to do with you.
Don't go inserting yourself into their relationship or expecting him to abandon or chastise his mother because you don't like her.
You stick to the husband-wife stuff and let them have their mother-son stuff. If you don't, you are going to have a miserable life.
"so show her who is boss" Sorry ... but you are his wife and she is his mother, and neither one of you is the "boss" of him.
2006-10-02 03:47:12 · answer #5 · answered by BoomChikkaBoom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My first marriage started with my mother in law wearing black to our wedding. It got worse and worse. If you cannot fix this problem soon, it will become a deep cut in your relationship. Talk to your husband and ask him what he thinks you should do, if he blows you off or tells you to get over it - pack your bags - or better yet send him home to mom.
2006-10-02 03:45:17 · answer #6 · answered by Christine H 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Dr Phil did a show on this;
http://drphil.com/shows/show/263/
I think you just have to take your control back really though...quit being nice if she isnt and tell her why. If your hubby complains...tell him why you did what you did and if he doesnt like that.....insist on marriage counselling. Stop being a doormat. If she doesnt like you thats fine....but she needs to be respectful and polite. Hubby is yours now...not her little boy....so show her who is boss...as respectfully and politely as possible.
2006-10-02 03:57:28 · answer #7 · answered by Scully 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you shouldn't deal with that s h i t. Stand up for yourself no matter what. Yes you have every right in the world! That is flat out rude and no one should stand for that.
2006-10-02 03:37:36 · answer #8 · answered by ♥Sapphira♥ 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ask your mother to disrespect your hubby. That way things would even out.
2006-10-02 03:42:16 · answer #9 · answered by ash_m_79 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Stand up for yourself and don't take that crap.
2006-10-02 03:38:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋