If a girl wants to be "just friends" when sober but changes her tune when drunk, what's the message?

Question

I have a very close (and attractive) female friend who I went out with this past weekend. We have always been friends and nothing more has ever happened. She got rather tipsy (smashed) and began grilling me with questions like "do you wish we could be more than friends" and statements such as "I love you more than life itself." Had she not been such a close friend, this would have been easy. Instead, I give responses such as "well, your goals are going to take you around the world and I'm anchored here; I don't want to get between you and your dreams" to calm her down. Please note that I am a guy, and as such, I want to be more than just friends, but things would go south between us real quick if I took advantage of her drunkness and it turned out she was not interested in anything other than friendship (and she's absolutely my best friend). Any friendly female advice on how to walk this minefield without blowing myself up?

Answer 1

First I commend you on doing the right thing and not taking advantage of her while she was in a drunken states. Believe me she'd remember later when sober and would think completely different of your motives that night.

You mentioned you want to be more than just friends, since your so close and you have that between you . I'ts not far fetched for you to have a sit down serious talk with her. ( but only when you position yourself for the worst answer she can give you) if your not ready to hear it then don't suggest the talk.

But when your ready. I would talk to her about how your feelings are towards her and let it be known once and for all. That way its off your chest and you could be so much more than best of buddies. See what she says. Either way this will keep eating at you and you need to know sooner or later. and hey by chance she feels the same way you'll both laugh about it later. heck she could be the right girl for you all this time under your nose. nothing ventured nothing gain right.

And a news flash for ya. Could be she's to shy to tell you when she's sober or afriad your answer would be no too. so when she drinks she's more loosen up to talk to you about how she's really feeling for ya.

Go for it. best outcome you guys are nuts for each other. worst situation your just still friends. best to know right. think of the possiblities out there for you both. and you'll never know if you both wait for the other one to start.

good luck

Answer 2

Wow.. I have finally met a sane man.

I think she would not want a 'relationship' with you, but i guess all these verbal cues are indicative of her intimacy with you.
Go with it, but dont use her. She'll appreciate it. I'm sure she would also realise that she was foolish when drunk.

Graduate a level up in friendship but stay off the relationship mark..
Whats the difference??
Spent time with her, but keep atleast one day for yourself and your other friends. Call her once maybe that day, never more than once. This is needed so that you can have your space and she hers.
And more over, you would also have time to reflect on your intimacy and if you miss her a lot, and she misses you too, then it IS love.

Move very gradually and build a very strong communication routine. Remember just because you said something when she was drunk, doesnt mean she wanted it. She may have said it, partly conscious, and wanted to know how you will handle it and whether you will take advantage of the situation.

All the best!!!

Answer 3

Honestly that friend of yours like you but did not want to hook up with u that way. And if i were u, just be the best friend u can ever be and dont do anything that will ruin it for both of u. She had a lapse in her better judgment when she was drunk, meaning she loosened her inhibition and told u what she really felt, but knowing that she cant admit it to u when she's sober only tells u that she is withholding that feeling for practical and realistic reasons....u can avoid the minefield by not walking through it....

Answer 4

Well, you're answer to you're question is: She was drunk. Drunk girls can do/say some crazy *** sh*t. (I would know :P)

I would suggest on leaving things be. If she's your best friend? Absolutely? Do you really want to risk losing that?

If it's meant to be, maybe some time later down the road things may change and develop between the two of you. Just keep in mind that you shouldn't let the stuff you're best friend says to you while drunk affect your friendship to this degree. Let things play out the way they're supposed to. And stay out of the bar in the meantime... until things fall through, eh?!

Answer 5

First of all, under no circumstances, do not take advantage of her while she's under the influence of alcohol. I applaud you for not doing so, know matter how tempting it may be. When she's going through her drunken escapades, just listen and laugh and so forth. Approach her the next day and ask her about the things she said, if she can't recollect anything of what she said, just let it go, than you'll know that she was just speaking silly and so forth. I can be silly and goofy like that too when I drink too much. If you feel like you're really interested in her with more than a friendship, sit her down and talk to her, since you both a good friends. Explain to her that you want to be more than friends with her and that you love her or care for her. I know that you don't want to make things awkward, but if these are your true feelings, share them with her. Friendships, in my opinion, are based on honesty, trust and communication. But when she's being drunk and silly, just laugh along with her and so forth, but don't take things any further than that.

Answer 6

I would speak with ehr abut that night and see if she recalls anything she said.

now yeah she may not know it all BUT she does remember some of it, and if you know her so well you can tel lwhe nshe is fudging on an answer.What closely and see the signs and you will have your answer whe nshe trys to answer those questions .
Yeah drinking does impair thought or feeling , but it does not WIPE out all memory .
At some point she does know how she feels towards you and she will show it either by you catching her in a lie or her stumbling over words and not being able to say ... I do have feelings for you better then friends.

I been down this road and we are still friends eve nafter we dated for a over a year.

Answer 7

Just keep being a great guy. The fact that you wouldn't take advantage of her while she was drunk, says Alot about you. Maybe her being drunk gave her the courage(?) to tell you her real feelings for you, maybe she was just drunk & being stupid. Wait til she's good & sober & see what happens. If she seems like she's embarrassed by her actions, then wait til you think the time is right to talk to her about what happened. This'll give you some time to think about if you want to pursue her as well.

Answer 8

If youre not interested in pursuing a relationship with her then dont take advantage of her intoxicated state. She may or may not be interested in taking it to that level either so it's good that you restrained yourself. Advice on what? Whatever her message is of no consequence. It seems that youve already thought the situation long into the future. Stick with it. Then neither of you get involved for the wrong reasons.

Answer 9

If I were you, I would respect her sober side. She want to be your friend only just go with that. ---- My friend, had a guy friend crushing on her and when she got drunk, that sis a little canoodling. yeah it's gonna hurt you, but her words of love that night were to show you that she does care about your feelings and she understands you are hurt by her decision. She might say she loves you when she drunk and says she wants to be with you, but she means she loves you as a friend and she wants and cherishes your friendship.----- Yeah, I know my answer sucks! But keep your head up, there is probably another girl right under your nose, waiting for you to get over your friend!!

trust me, it always happens......

Answer 10

Be careful it may be the alcohol talking. You need to know the type of love she has for you. Maybe try to talk to her and remind her of the thinks she said when drunk and see what response you get. This is a tough one. But you have to take a chance or you will never know.

Best Of Luck To You!!!