I have a 16 year with a 10 month old baby boy, she and baby still live at home with me. The father is somewhat around but does not pay for ANYTHING. Her and I get help with food stamps and WIC and the state is helping with paying for daycare so my daughter can work. She is IN LOVE with the father of her baby. I dont have a problem with that, my problem is how do I get them both to start paying for things. Yes, I have tryed almost everthing. The father is working but all I hear from him is he has car insurance or no gas or what every. With my daughter she gets her pay check and will by very little for the baby. She is a very good mother in taking care of her baby but seems to think that just cause I make more money then her I should just pay for everthing,. Tomorrow I am putting my house up for sale cause I am wanting to move into an apartment, I am tired of taking care of a house, not beacuse of my daughter, I told her that when I do her, baby an daddy need to find there own place.
2006-10-01 18:15:23 · 23 answers · asked by LadyCatherine 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I have applyed for child support on the baby, my daughter is a minor so in my state I can apply on behalf of the baby.
I tryed to not paying for things but when there are no diapers or formula I can just say 'oh well, you should have bought some".
Yes, she is sort of in school, she is studying for her G.E.D. and has been excepted to a tech school near us.
2006-10-01 18:23:29 · update #1
The father's partent are a waste of time.
The father of the baby now 20 he was 19 when the baby was born.
His parents just call my daughter a wh*re and say that she suduced there son. YEAH RIGHT!!
In my state unless my daughter admits that he is the father the court will not do anything about him being over 18 and her under.
Since i have applyed for child support, a DNA test will be done but if he pays child support they will not put him in jail unless I hire an attorney that I can afford.
2006-10-01 18:26:52 · update #2
No I do not live in a trailer.
I am selling the house cause I am tired of having mow the law or worry about the roof or the gutters or anything leaking.
I have owned a few homes in my life so I am looking forward to a nice small apartment with maintance.
No at 16 I was horried with money but when I had my baby yes I was 20, but I paid for everything and did not look at my parents and say to them, 'you've got the money you pay for' 'im trying to save my money' or my favorite 'you got paid today I need clothes'
2006-10-01 18:34:13 · update #3
I love you all for your wonderful ansers, You have been great help.
As for those who say I am responsible for my child and grand child. I like to think of myself sometimes as a good mother and sometimes I think I am just going by the seat of my pants.
But I have to say I am sick and tired of hearing that, I have to pay for everything just because I am the mom and grandma. I get to go broke or no sleep or what ever just because she F*CKED up. I can't kick her out.? I love my grandson to death, he is the best thing around. and only want the best for my daughter. I only had one child and dont want any more. So I am not going to take custody of my grandson, that will make it easyer for my daughter. Again I say she messes up and I get to pay. As for his parents, he's 20 now and they are not responseable for him any more. So he messes up and I GET TO PAY. Maybe if I say you leave with the baby that may kick her butt in gear to do what is right and pay for things.
Thank again.
2006-10-02 00:39:59 · update #4
You are a good mother for taking care of your daughter-- your daughter is just young, and isn't thinking of her future yet. (although she should be, since she has a child now)
Is she still in school? That's the most important thing at this point, for both her and your grandchild.
Maybe you and she could work out a monthly plan when it comes to finances-- figure out how much you are spending on diapers, daycare expenses, formula, clothes, toys and doctor's visits, and show her how much it is every month. Babies are startlingly expensive. Tell her how much you expect her to pay and stick to it-- she is a mother now, and when she's grown up with a child to support she won't always have you to lean on for support.
After reading the extra details you added I have to say I am worried... I had my son young, but I would never let the diapers or formula run out... I'm worried that your daughter doesn't seem to understand the implications of being a mother. You need to impress upon her that her child is not your responsibility and that only she can be a good mother to her baby. Money doesn't grow on trees, and neither do diapers, food, or clothing for children-- if she cares about her child's future she needs to take a much more active role in providing for that child.
2006-10-01 18:19:47 · answer #1 · answered by Lanani 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh my god! mom?? is that you?? well, no... but you sure sounded like my mom 6 years ago! i swear! i was 16 then, my mother was doing her best to help me but the dad didnt care(i cant really blame him) i was the one working and my boyfriend stayed home w the baby. first of all, i sure hope your not selling your house bcause you want to get away from being the granny, you realize that when you sell that house that she is still your daughter. also, why do any legal stuffs, that will just make things worst, that it is already. i mean, what if they end up being together for a long time, that child support payment/garnishment if not paying will make their life misrable.how do you expect a 16 yr old and a 20 immature old men to be responsible. pls take my advise, support your dauughter a little bit more longer, she is stressing having a pc. of sh%^ boyfriend and i bet she is hiding more from you. once u see the men is doing a little better, then go ahead. buy diapers and thats it! dont show that you wanna give more than that. i know its hard for you, but its harder for her! believe me. believe it or not, this could be the best thing that happened to your daughter, have u ever imagined her getting a job at 16 and spending it for bills and things needed to live and not for perfume, shoes and tank tops? YOU can only be the reason why she is still holding being strong, other teens will just leave their baby to the granny and run off w the boyfriend. they probably cant live by self yet, but does she have an aunt or any close by relative where they can rent a room? thats better. youre a good mom, just like my mom, now, im 23 and i own my own house and running my own business with my 2 kids and same boyfriend. if i didnt get pregnant, im probably working in mcdonalds or homeless thrown away by my parents years ago for being a wreck. just listen to her, and wait for her to adjust, she will show it slowly. be patient with her and for her.
2006-10-01 22:12:40 · answer #2 · answered by MaRitA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok i have to say this. It was her ADULT DECISION to go out and have sexual relations. And with that decision you have to accept the responsibilty if something happens. I go by the rule if you are old enough to have sex than you are old enough to support taht child. So lay down the law and tell her that you will help her but only so much don't keep bailing her out. And for the father you know what his broke *** needs to get a second job. He had a FUC KING KID so he needs to take the responsibility and take care of the kid that he had because of his immatureness and stupidity. And if he doesn't like that take him to court because he should be paying child support. He may give a little but you know not what the child needs from what it sounds like. You can't be expected to be their cover for their stupidity you know. You have been through that you have raised your daughter now she has hers and it is time for her to learn. And you need to tell her this. Don't be easy on her. YOUR 16 Y/O DAUGHTER HAS A CHILD. I mean come on she needs a little learning to do. So let her learn the real way. Just like any other mother would. We are all animals in a sense, we always find a way to care for the child. Just like momma bears with her cubs. And you know she may love this baby but you know if she can't take care of it it isn't fair for the baby and should be put up for adoption. As for the attorney i think you could probably find a pro bono lawyer that would take your case
2006-10-01 18:28:12 · answer #3 · answered by Ben H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was a teen parent. Damn it was hard, but I am thankful that my parents and his parents made us do it on our own. First of all it helped me to realize that when I decided to have the child, I was now part of society and had to pay my dues. It made us both much more responsible parents and people.
I worked full time, and went to school full time. My husband (boyfriend then) worked 2 jobs. Things were tight and sometimes we truly did need help. Sometimes we had to call and ask for $20 to get diapers and wipes, but it always got repaid.
I think that you should stop supporting them, you daughter made the decision to have this child, which makes her an adult in every sense of the word except legally. If they are working hard, but just can't seem to make ends meat then lending a helping hand once in awhile is ok, but otherwise how are these two going to learn that they must raise and support their child?
2006-10-02 09:40:51 · answer #4 · answered by jmlmmlmll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, you are doing the right thing by helping with your grandchild - but your daughter needs a hard kick in her backside.
She's a MOM now, not a "little girl" and as a mom, she's got responsibilities, get her up and drag her around with you so you can show her what she needs to know- it's obvious she has no clue.
Second of all, get that loser boyfriend of hers involved in his son's life or have his testicles surgically removed.
She's not a good mother, don't bother telling us that. A good mother is there for her baby and would do anything to see that the baby has everytyhing the baby needs.
I hope all works out for you, both for your sake AND the sake of your grandchild. Your daughter needs to grow up. And stop having sex.
2006-10-01 20:41:16 · answer #5 · answered by vamedic4 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has your daughter fought to get child support from the father? That would be the most logical place to start to get him to take care of his responsibilty. It will force him to pay regardless.
Start telling your daughter that she has X number days and after that point you are no longer buying anything the baby needs. She will have to budget her pay check in order to pay for the things that she should be paying for anyway.
I know you don't want to support your grandchild , but why would you want to kick them out of your home? You are responsible for your daughter until she reaches 18. It seems like you are trying to rush her into a live in relationship. Just because she claims to love this guy doesn't mean that she should be out on her own with him.She can't even apply for child support on her own and you expect her to live on her own?
I had my first child at 16 and there is no way my mom would have ever given me the satisfaction of moving out of her house especially to move in with the father. I was stuck at home . I finished school and moved out at 18.
2006-10-01 18:24:38 · answer #6 · answered by Jen 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with Ben H. If you are mature enough to get pregnant then your old enough to take care of it. I know it will be hard, but if that baby has to lay in poopy diapers,no milk,etc, then let it. Then if they won't take care of the child, go to Child Welfare, get custody, and let those people know the father needs to pay child support. I can guarantee he will be gone in a flash when he is forced to give up money for anyone besides himself. Then your daughter will see that this guy is a jerk, grow-up(maybe) & take care of her baby. She's not the first, and she won't be the last. Good Luck!!!
2006-10-01 18:50:53 · answer #7 · answered by twanda_C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your kid is 16. How mature were you about money at 16? I know that most of the people I knew at 16 were still depending on their parents...which is just what your daughter and her boyfriend are doing. If you want them to become responsible, then theymust learn that there is no more money coming (or they must at least expect that). The father is being a complete jerk thinking that gas for his car is more important than diapers. He is a loser.
2006-10-01 18:30:15 · answer #8 · answered by huckleberry 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have a question...since the father of the baby was obviously an adult (over age 18) when your daughter got pregnant why can't you take him to court for statutory rape? An adult (over age 18) impregnating a minor (under age 18, and obviously your daughter was at the time she was pregnan, I would say 15?) is against the law whether she consented to sex or not. That's something you can bring up to his parents next time they call your daughter a whore...remind them that their son is a rapist...
2006-10-01 21:44:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
16 year olds are still considered children in Australia! How old is the father of the baby? A court will award her child support from the child's father if she wants to stay with you surely! What about his parents - have you approached them about support? I think your daughter still needs you - sorry
2006-10-01 18:21:26 · answer #10 · answered by girl from oz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋