Best way to over come shyness?

Question

Im 23 now and the older i get, the shyer i get. I have no job, no friends. I dont go out much at all and i dont like going to bpus or clubs at all so dont just say go there for god sake, i wouldent be able to afford to anyway.

Answer 1

The first thing that you should do is go out and find a job. Having a job will certainly boost your self-confidence. Another tip in being less shy is just stop caring what other people think, just be happy about your self and other people will see your self-contentment and self-love that they will eventually appreciate you for who you are.

Answer 2

Get Your Self A Part Time Job, Doing What Ever You Enjoy The Best,
Start There And Move On As Your Confidence Grows
I was A nursery Nurse ,Had My Children When My Youngest Went To School I Wanted Something To Do.

I Started Work As A Lunch Time Supervisor An Hour A Day Was Very Shy at First,
Now I Am Working 25 Hours A Week Love It,
More Confidence,
More Friends
Just Good,
You Can Do It Good Luck.

Answer 3

There is no real way. Just remember that this life is not a rehearsal: this is it, the real thing. Don't waste the gift of life by opting out of it. You are shy because you're afraid of making mistakes - so what! Make the mistakes and put it down to experience. The reason why you have no job (or money) or friends is because of YOUR perceived shyness. You have to grab the bull by the horns so to speak. You don't have to go to pubs or clubs. Have a look on the internet for people who you think are in the same position as yourself. So who the hell am I to give you advice? Well only the most shyest person on the planet, that's who. But it's all an act anyway! I'm what you might call a closet shy! I'm afraid my friends will discover I'm really a secret shy person, so I must never let them know it's all an act.

Answer 4

The only way to solve your problem is to mix with people, you don't need 'professional advice' I think all these 'advisors' are nutters and rip off merchants!
It will be painful mixing at first, you will feel very isolated , you will blush a lot, people will maybe take the pi**!
You have to bite the bullet, you will eventually develop a thick skin. Sounds frightening doesnt it??
There is no other way, you must join some sort of club, do you play chess? You must read books, join a book club which meets to discuss the books they have read, join anything and talk and mix with people!! That wont cost much

Answer 5

i know how you feel. when i was a kid i would talk to anyone and ask girls out all the time. as i've got older i seem to have lost this ability. first you need to get a job. on your interview tell them you can be shy at first if you dont know people too well. once you get a job just be yourself people will talk to you cause theres always a chatterbox in the work place. eventually you will have friends at work who you can start to socialise with outside of work. if you have hobbies join a club at least you will have something in common with the people there. your shyness wont go away over night but hopefully some of this advice will help you to overcome it. all the best.

Answer 6

First thing, check out some websites online that deal with shyness. There is some truly good material out there. Here's a few:

http://www.shakeyourshyness.com/
http://psychcentral.com/library/shyness.htm

From there, realize that shyness is all in your head, and that with time and effort, it can be toned down a great deal.

I myself was and still am in various situations, shy. However, like you I believe, I realized that shyness can waste our time spent here on earth, and that it's really up to ourselves to do something about it. So, I started out by reading stuff online about shyness, and found out some interesting, fundamental ideas that helped me overcome much of my shyness. Here's a few:

- Shyness is often a form of extreme self consciousness - in other words, if you are out in some social situation - quit thinking about how you appear to other people, or how you are acting, and instead just focus on everyone else
- Being nervous is a result of focusing on the fact that you are nervous - another example of self consciousness
- Staying confident, staying cool no matter what, even when you do something you know is stupid, really trains the mind to not become self conscious during social interaction - likewise, it trains the brain not to over analyze situations both during and post fact - everyone makes mistakes, focusing solely on them is just another one
- A quote: "Imagine if you created a daily habit of not caring what everyone thinks of you. That is real power."

Hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 7

hey man...

I'm also a sufferer of depression, I'm 24 and also called James (weird hey?) maybe we are more likely to get it???

anyway

read your last few questions...

seriously...
try reading some "cognitive therapy" books
like "feeling good" by David burns

just give it a read, and you will begin to see yourself and ways of looking differently at your problems

DO IT NOW
go and buy it
its £5 on amazon the ISBN is 0-380-81033-6

£5 that's not much is it? and it will arrive in the post... that's all you need to do
why not try it, if it doesn't work then you haven't lost a fortune!

i wont patronise you by saying the old "get better" "good luck" stuff

just do it! OK!

Answer 8

Three words "just do it"... I know it sounds trivial but it worked for me.. I was terribly shy as a kid and as a teenager but then I pushed myself into situations where I had to talk to people. One of the best places that I got my practice talking to people was at department stores.. like electronics, furniture, etc... ask questions to the sales people and get them involved. Specially on slow days they will talk to you just to keep from getting bored, being especially bad with girls I tried to talk to female sales people. Funny thing is that I've always had more female friends than males... and they were cool enough to help me with my problem too. I'm in my mid 30's and cant say that I'm totally over it but I can pretty much talk to anyone or even start up a conversation out of nothing... so try pushing yourself to do it, its one of those things that you have to do yourself. Good Luck.

Answer 9

if you can, get some counseling with a professional. If you have family to talk to, start working through this with them.

I've never been shy, but I have friends who are.

You can always spin it in a good light: Those who listen rather than speak, learn more. Perhaps you are a good observer? Why don't you try watching how others start conversations and interract and then try mimicking it, first practicing with your family? There's an adage that I like, and it pertains to confidence: "Fake it until its real."

Answer 10

You should force yourself to go out to pubs or clubs or if that seems too much, go to other social events like church or shopping malls. Try to be informed by reading newspapers, books & watching a bit of tv. That way you could have something to talk about like sports or local events & you wont seem as boring to the other person. Once you have the attention of the other person you will notice that you shyness will fade away slowly.