Why do some stay at home mothers...?

Question

Why do stay at home mothers (pregnant or not) neglect to do housework and then say they were tired or they had a bad day--several days in a row? If they aren't cleaning and maintaining the house what are they doing all day--other then caring for a child/ren?

I'm serious. I would really like to know.

If you go to college--you aren't a stay at home mom!

Actually I have a seven month old son and a five year old that is in my care.

LOL---Read: I have two children.

My cousin lives with me...he is in my care. Day and night. He has been for the past year and a half!

In my care doesn't mean I'm working...sorry for the misunderstanding.

Where did I call myself "perfect?" I am an excellent mother if that's what you are refering to. I hope every mother thinks of themselves that way. It's called self confidence.

I am going to repost this in a more polite manner. I still don't understand.

Since every one was so quick to give their *busy* schedules in their defense I’ll give mine

5:30 Get up, make coffee, make husband’s and cousin’s lunch for that day, feed cats, scoop the litter box
6:00 Wish husband a good day at work, make bed, clean room, get dressed and ready for the day
6:30 Make cousin’s breakfast, make baby’s sippy, pack diaper bag
6:45 Get cousin up, he eats breakfast
7:00 Baby wakes up--get him dressed and ready, while cousin is getting ready for pre-K (clothed, brushed, and just basic things to get ready
7:15 Load up the stroller with backpack and diaper bag. Make sure everything is packed and we didn’t forget anything

7:30 Walk cousin to school.
8:00 Get to school, talk to a few other moms, talk to teacher if necessary.
8:20 Walk back home
8:40 Check email, maybe ask a question on Y!A
9:00 Feed baby cereal.
9:15 Throw a load of laundry in, play with son on the floor while he crawls, and climbs
10:00 Read a book to son, give him some toys and a sippy, put him in his pack n play to fall asleep
10:15 Put load of laundry in the dryer. Unload dishwasher, load it back up with dishes from the morning.
10:30 Go into the living room--spend 15 minutes putting toys away or making sure it’s clean.
10:45 Go to the bathroom spray the tiles and tub with no wipe cleaner, rinse out the sink, get the toilet clean (takes about five minutes) I look on Y!A.
11:00 Baby’s up from nap. Go back in the living room and play with toys, read books, play in exersaucer, and just do whatever we feel like doing..
11:30 Walk to pick cousin up from pre-K
12:00 Talk with teacher, other parents, meet cousin’s friends

12:10 Walk home
12:40 Pull sandwich out of the fridge, put on a plate with some chips. Get bib, spoon, and baby food for son.
12:45 Cousin’s eating telling me about his day, I’m feeding my son
1:00 Cousin read books to son and we all play together. Sometimes we go to the park or on a walk.
1:30 Baby goes down for nap again while I spend one on one time with my cousin. We look online at his cool learning sites. We read books, we color, we learn about animals, we look at pictures, we just “hang out.”
2:00 We start settling down for some “quiet time.” This could be a nap or just time for my cousin to lay down for about an hour. Sometimes it doesn’t work out that way but it’s an attempt.
2:10 Fold clothes in the dryer. I go on Y!A to see what people have written about my question answer some questions, go on Myspace, or take a nap.

3:15-3:30 The boys are up again. I go into their room and we clean up. We throw away diapers from the pail, we clean up any toys cousin has left out. Just basic tiding of the room.
3:45 Feed son while cousin has a very small snack. We talk or he just plays.
4:00 Cousin has an activity book to help him (he has FAS and has a hard time with school.) I sit down and get him started on his work, tell him if he needs anything to just ask. (we have a breakfast bar where he sits and does his activity book while I’m in the kitchen. Son plays in his highchair with toys or whatever he needs.
4:30 I start cooking dinner. If my cousin needs help, I help him.
5:00 Husband comes home, gives us all kisses. He gets cleaned up (works on air planes all day and has greasy hands)
5:30 Dinners on the table. Baby sits with us but doesn’t eat--he has a sippy he can drink from and a snack.
6:00 I do the dishes and load the dish washer while kids are playing with their dad.

7:00 I have shows that I watch almost every night at seven so we all sit down to watch. Cousin plays or watches with us and son hangs out on my lap.
7:30 During commercial I get oatmeal and feed son cereal and flakes before bed time so he’s full. Cousin eats some cheerios if he wants to feel special.
8:00 Show is over I go get son undressed and ready for bath. My husband normally gives our son a bath and brushes his teeth while I hang out look at Y!A or Myspace. Cousin is either helping husband OR is helping me pick what they are going to wear the next day.
8:15 I get baby dressed and ready for bed. Husband is supervising cousin’s bath. He does whatever else he wants in the bathroom while cousin is bathing himself.
8:25 HUGE debate on wither cousin is getting out of the bath tub. We end up winning. Put on pjs, brush teeth, and brush hair.
8:30 Read a book and settle down. Hubby gets in the shower.
8:40-8:45 Lights out for the boys.

8:40-8:45 Lights out for the boys.
8:45 I get in the shower and ready for bed/
9:00 We settle down together and do whatever we feel like doing.
10:00-11:00 Lights out for us.

It's really not that hard to dedicate fifteen minutes to each room every day. If kids are older I expect them to clean up after themselves. If my cousin doesn't he gets privilages taken away. As you can see I spend plenty of time with my kids and still have plenty of time for myself. I mean more then plenty. I don't choose cleaning over my kids. I have just made it so that our schedules work together and not work apart. Sure we have bad days. Yeah, there are days when I don't do one thing or another. That's okay with me. I still don't understand how people (a) don't have time. (b) want to live in a dirty house. I don't do it all for my kids or husband, I do it for myself as well! Maybe it's because I was brought up in a clean home. I don't know? Now you know how I do it and hopfully you realized (for those who say they can't--and you know who you are if you know you can) it doesn't take more then maybe 10 -15 minutes in each room everyday to have a clean home.

Answer 1

In my mind there is no excuse for a stay at home mom to not have a clean house. There is just no reason for it. I'm a stay at home mom of two with another on the way. Every day I exercise, home school my boys, do daily chores, run errands, prepare meals and snacks (we don't believe in pre-packaged foods so this requires actual work), work on crafts that I sell, volunteer at our local artisans store once a week, run my own home business, drive the kids to sports practices, coach cheerleading. And I still have time to take the kids to the park, play games, watch movies with them, browse the net, and watch an hour of Angel a day. On top of all of that I used to do community theatre and had a pretty hoppin' social life. We're military and most of my good friends have moved so the social thing has slowed down a bit.

It is all about being organized and some of it requires multi-tasking. I've known so many women who claim they are just too exhausted to clean. Or the kids are running them ragged. I don't understand this at all. Why are women so tired? Why are they LETTING the kids run them ragged. Getting the kids on a schedule routine really helps.

I actually work out of my home as a consultant for busy moms. I help them manage their time and I also teach them about healthy eating.

There are plenty of hours in the day. You just have to know how to use them.

Answer 2

I"m a stay at home and I have a home based business. I have to admit that while I was pregnant the housework suffered. By the time I finished what I needed to for work, I was physically and mentally exhausted. Granted I had a really difficult pregnancy and spent the last three months on bed rest. My son is now three months old and the houework's not perfect but the major things get done (just don't look too close around object for signs of movement for dusting sake!)

I don't get how some women (and men) don't get stuff done either. I guess they're the kind of people who have nothing better to do than lay about on the couch, eat bon bons and get caught up in soap life.

Answer 3

I'm a stay at home mom right now and have been since our daughter was born. She is seven months now, and I'd say after that first month I was back to doing regular household chores as they needed to be taken care of. Even though my husband has been away training in the Army and I have no help with our daughter and NO time to myself, I still manage to do all the laundry, the dishes, the cleaning, and spend tons of time with my daughter. I'm just organized by nature and I happen to have a very easy-going baby!
I think every mother is different, some can handle higher levels of stress than others. Some can't take on as many responsibilities at one time.
From my end of it, yeah - I get all those things done every day, plus get in an hour & 1/2 walk in the stroller and lots of play time with my daughter. But by the end of the day I'm exhausted and I don't have time to do anything for myself other than basic grooming lol!
*EDIT*... why did I get the thumbs down? I wasn't trying to offend anyone. I just answered the darn question using my own experience! Jeeze, some people...

Answer 4

Okay, let me try...

I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old, and an 8 month old. Up until about 1 month ago I was a stay-at-home mom. The 4 year old is potty trained, but the 2 year old is not. Also, I was breastfeeding the baby. Now, that being said, by house is not in pristine condition. True, there are many things that need to be done, but frankly, it was very difficult to find the time.

Here was a typical day for about 7 months: The kids were home, not in daycare. Every time I would sit down to nurse the baby, the 2 year old would need a diaper change. Then I would get the baby fed, and she would fall asleep. I would try to put her down so that I could get something done. She would go down, I would start laundry or dishes. Then, the two older kids would start fighting. This woke up the baby, who promptly started screaming. So, I'd have to drop everything and get the baby. I'd finally get her back to sleep, then the 4 year old would be hungry. So, I'd put the baby down to start lunch. The 2 year old would throw a fit because she wouldn't want to eat (hey, she's 2, right?), waking the baby, and starting the cycle all over again. By this time, the baby would be hungry again, so I'd have to nurse her while trying to get the other kids fed. She'd fall asleep, the other 2 would be quiet for 15 minutes, and I'd just take a mini-break, before the next round broke out.

So, by the time I was able to put the baby down, I had a half-load of something done, and I was ready to start again, but then the 4 year old would want to color. By that, mom had to color, or the screaming banshees would visit the house. To keep the baby asleep, I colored. Plus, I enjoyed spending time with my kids.

So, in answer to your question, when you have a 5 year old, chances are he is in school. You only have one child during the day, so you can get more stuff done. When the kids are all under 4, you don't have the option of school. Plus, have you ever tried to get a house organized with 3 kids? It just doesn't happen with them home all the time. BTW, no friends or relatives close or able to keep all 3, since I was nursing.

Before you judge, walk a mile in someone elses shoes. And just "caring for a child" is a lot of work. If you have kids and you don't recognize that, I question what YOU'RE doing all day.

Answer 5

Unfortunately there are some days that I just can not get to the house work. I have 3 kid plus 2 foster kids. Between running 3 of them to school. Doctor's appointments, staff meetings with teachers, case managers etc. There are some days that I leave at 7:30 Am and don't get home until after 5pm. Plus when you take into consideration after school activities, that makes my day even later.
On days that I don't have so many obligations is when I try to catch up on house work and laundry, but it doesn't always happen. I do require some down time, like everybody else.

Answer 6

Well I don't know I am a clean freak and have a 7 and 4 year old. I have never really had a problem with maintaining my home. But don't be to quick to judge other mothers most of them do their best they may have a disabled child or add or adhd or a sick child, Being a mother is a very loving job and I believe that loving your child and showing them the simple things in life. If you are a mother and I mean mother not just caring for someone Else's child then you do not truly know what it is like. babysitting and parenting are two totally different things.

Answer 7

I would really like to know the answer to that. I have a best friend who has no idea how to clean. Oh yeah she is sick all the time that is her excuse. She didn't send her daughter to school the other day because she didn't feel like getting up. I mean come on now. I am helping raise my 6 month old twin grand babies and my 16 year old son and my house is clean. Her kids are 7 and 4. I have tried to explain to her that if the kids miss any more school child protection services are going to be on her door step but she doesn't believe me. (I am a stay at home grandma)

Answer 8

Depression is a terrible thing to go through. I can easily imagine an overwhelmed housewife with tons of housework and babies needing her immediate attention. Not many mothers get to stay home with their babies at all, so those who have a limited amount of time to spend soley with their children are probably more concerned with soaking up every possible minute with their children. Mundane tasks such as housework can become so monotonous, the mother becomes bored and sometimes disappointed with herself. The most important factors in this question are the children. As long as they are happy, fed, and clean, all else is trivial.
There are of course many mothers who just don't clean at all, and the excuse for this varies from person to person. It sounds like you may have a personal problem you may need to address. Is there someone you know who does this and it just keeps getting under your skin. Ask her.

Answer 9

i spend most of my time during the day developing my only child's mind and body. i spend part of the night time developing/ maintaining mine. we listen to music, dance together and separately, i sing, we play with toys together to stimulate brain and physical activity, baby plays alone (while i supervise, unseen by her). then, i spend some time shopping for household items online and at store. then, i do the laundry. then, i make all the necessary phone calls and appointments for baby, husband, veterinarian, self. then, i play with and pet each pet so they don't feel neglected. we go to the park and either visit or receive each of grandparents and friends. i also take baby with me to lectures and to interact with adults, in addition to children in the park. i organize the house, put everything away daily. but sometimes, i do not have time to actually clean the whole house. for me, stimulating my baby specifically, as opposed to just letting her watch me sweep the floor is more important. my house looks clean. people comment how organized it is. but i know i would prefer it to be cleaner. it is perfectly organized, but i would prefer to sweep the floor and clean the bathroom more often then i do. however, i cannot seem to find the time to do all the aforementioned tasks and clean as often as i would ideally like. at night, i spend time with my husband, pets, and myself, to make sure i am still an individual, and a thinking one. i also take a bath to relax, since when i am alone with the baby, i am not totally relaxed--i have to be responsible. when my husband is home, i can truely relax, knowing he will comfort the baby if it wakes up, and i don't hear it while in the shower. btw, i don't use the gender for the baby not because it is an "it" to me, only b/c i don't want any perv online to have any more details. these things happen, you know.

Answer 10

sorry, when I was a stay at home Mom my house stayed as presentable as possible, and clean. There are lots of lousy housekeepers out there, stay at home moms, and working moms. If you want to be neat and clean you can be neat and clean. I can't believe you said what are they doing all day. It is constant work. Very constant. Start with breakfast at home, making beds, changing sheets if need, laundry almost daily, oversee playing of kids, diaper duty every couple of hours at least, love and hugs, stories, sing songs, morning nap for little ones, bottle every 3 or 4 hours for infants, prepare and feed lunch, clean up lunch, think about and start to prepare dinner, more diapers, bottles, nap, bathroom duties for toddlers. Educational play.
They get nurture from mom better than from an outside form of child care, because Moms are willing to do it all with so much love she would die for them if she had to.