My adult daughter moved back into my home. She won't help around the house,(much), and expects me to either drive her everywhere she wants to go or let her use my car. She doesn't work, but does provide some grocery items. I'm not in the best of health and am expected to have surgery in the near future. I pay the bills, take care of the housecleaning, cooking, laundry and yard work. Any suggestions on how I can get more help from her without making her mad?? (She is EASILY angered)
2006-10-01 16:14:11 · 17 answers · asked by Becca C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I know this may sound mean but she can't except to live off you forever. She needs to learn some responibilities. If someone does or gives her way and everything she wants all the time she's going to think thats the way life is. And we she has to get out and do it her self, she's going to be lost and confused. I been out on my on since almost 16, raising a kid with no mom that cares and my passed away. If someone that young can get out there and do it so can she. Don't feel bad. It's going to help her in the long run. PROMISE. She may get mad but she will get over it soon a enough. You're not her slave, you're her mom. She should be greatfully she has one must less one who really cares for and about her. Cause she really doesn't know how bad it is without one. Good Luck. And remember you are helping her for the better.
2006-10-01 16:26:28 · answer #1 · answered by lilmoma4202006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow....how about telling her to get a job and be an adult instead of a fly-off-the-handle spoiled little brat.
And yes, I think I'd be that blunt with her. You DO NOT need that kind of drama from your own child. Obviously, she's learned this from her upbringing (not necessarily the obnoxious behavior, but the idea that there are no consequences for that behavior), and I'm not trying to be mean when I say that; I'm merely pointing out that you probably aren't seen to her as a true authority figure, and she's acting accordingly.
She's grown, right? I don't care if this is your flesh and blood, how would you react if some other adult just showed up at your door and started sponging off of you and then having an attitude when you ask them to do their fair share? If you would be offended at some acquaintance doing that, you certainly should be offended when your own daughter seeks to take advantage of your hospitality.
2006-10-01 16:20:00 · answer #2 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your house so you should set some ultimatums or ask her to find somewhere else to live. Otherwise you might find that you're messing up a relationship that could have been helped by her just having moved out. If you don't think it's necessary that she pays you rent, like if she can't get a job or something, then she should at least be doing all the housework and possibly the cooking. You guys just need to sit down and decide who does what. And if she's mad enough that she decides to leave, then that's her problem not yours. Just relax and prepare your body for the coming surgery. You don't need the added stress. I hope things go well from here on out! God bless.
2006-10-01 16:17:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds humorous but what my parents rule is, when you graduate, you have a list of things you do to help out or else you pay rent...or you move out!
For example, dishes, feeding the dog, making dinner once a week, and treatin everyone else with respect.
Those were my rules!
If you guys can agree on some guidelines, it will make life a lot easier AND happier because she wont get tired of you asking her to do stuff all of the time and you wont get upset that she's not doing anything!
Good luck.!
2006-10-01 16:17:42 · answer #4 · answered by suzanne g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about making her mad, it's more important to teach her how to be independant and to be a productive adult. Tell her to get a job and help out around the house or find her own place. She can't mooch off of you forever. It's time to grow up and there's NO reason to not have a job or help around the house when not working. She has NO excuses.
2006-10-01 17:36:17 · answer #5 · answered by when's my next vacation??? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her motivation to go out and find a job. You don't have to actually kick her out to get you point across. When you start doing things around the house ask her to help. If you're frightened of her in your own house things will never change. If she doesn't agree with what will seem to her like nagging, she will have even more determination to find a job and somewhere else to live.
2006-10-01 16:35:45 · answer #6 · answered by bre714 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh, sounds like my situation except my mother dosnt do anything, i pay for everything (bills and grocerys) clean EVERYTHING!! even with my 1 and a half yr old.
It will be hard for her to accept you asking for more of her but if you play on your illness, that may click for her. (only because shes angered easily) Try and make her feel a little bad, our conscience is the reason we tell the truth and do good deeds.
2006-10-01 16:18:08 · answer #7 · answered by ♡MaNda♡ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is abusing you. Try to confide in a trusted friend about your daughters behavior who can help you during your surgery and recovery. Ask your daughter to move out asap! Leave her a note while you are out, then you won't have to deal witih her anger.
2006-10-01 16:32:57 · answer #8 · answered by nene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LIsten, would u have done that to ur parents?
I believe not! So why are u letting her get away with this.
Make her an example, do whats right.
Talk to her and let her know that in the real world, NOTHING is free.
2006-10-01 16:32:15 · answer #9 · answered by Photographer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ADULT DAUGHTER ALLOWED TO COME HOME.
She has two/three months to be "home". It's time for her to find a good job & move out.
Adult daughter "allowed" to move out of home. She'll get mad; I'll bet she got angry all her life. What is different?
I hope all goes well with your surgery.
2006-10-01 16:18:21 · answer #10 · answered by ThomasR 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋