Is my boyfriend abusive? He tells me it's all in my head.?

Question

examples:
1. he has a new night job so i started cooking him dinner & pre wrapping it for him, and baking cookies, cakes, etc. that have his favorite ingredients in them. after a few months though he would complain about them, spit them out etc. Now, when I cook for myself, he calls me "self centered" and "selfish" and "lazy" because I don't make double for him.

2. Everything I take an interest something new (like a new genre of music) he makes it a point of laughing at it & telling me how awful it is.

3. When I drive the car, he points out every little stopline I went 1 foot over, I drive too fast, I follow the cars too closely, I got the seat wet with rain, etc. etc. so I'm so nervous I can't even drive!

4. I love interior decorating so I redid his entire apartment for him (paint (I painted), furniture, dishes, etc.). He complains that I have OCD because I "rearrange" things and how much money I overspent (my own) etc. etc. etc. No compliments, ever.

5. we are living in his apartment now & he goes around the house EVERY night & looks at the baseboards, the counters, the appliances & checks for stratches, cuts, nicks that weren't there before. then he says "what's this", "who did this, " etc. This happens every day, many, many times.

6. Every time I make a noise (like a dish too loud,etc. ) he moans, sighs, makes nasty comments like "god, what a klutz" or "never a moment's piece" or "what was THAT"

7. when I tell him my career plans (which are rather ambitious), he laughs at me. he tells me "i'll believe it when I see it" and "you're never going to do anything with your life."

8. when i do cook/ bake etc. for fun or friends or myself, he all of a sudden is sweet & nice to me & kisses me & says "oh please, can't I borrow just one cookie", or "I'm too lazy to cook, can't you share with me?" & if I say no for some reason, he gets all p***ed off & calls me selfish.

Answer 1

I would cook him dinner and dump it on his lap, i would put his clothes in the shredder i could go on...I would run far away from this guy and fast....

Answer 2

I suggest you read back over all that you wrote. Now ask yourself if I were on the outside looking in at this situation, what advice would I give this woman? You obviously see the emotional abuse for yourself. Would you want your dad to treat your mom this way? And he's only a boyfriend now, do you want to invest time in a relationship that could be going nowhere or do you think you'll want to spend the rest of your life with this man and life as you know it with him?

Answer 3

Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner may include:
# embarrassing, making fun of, or mocking the victim, either alone within the household, in public, or in front of family or friends
# criticizing or diminishing the victim’s accomplishments or goals
# not trusting the victim’s decision-making
# Feel like you have to "walk on eggshells" to keep him from getting angry and are frightened by his temper.

Answer 4

He is being really negative and ungrateful. You need to let him know that the things that he says are hurtful. You shouldn't be giving your best to someone who clearly doesn't appreciate it...Maybe something is going on with him and he's taking it out on you instead of facing his own problems...Talk to him, put your foot down and let him know that you're not a sponge that's gonna sit there and soak up his negative behavior...

Answer 5

Sounds like emotional abuse to me........but I'm not there and am only hearing one side of the story. Only you know what's going on there not people online. If you in Danger or could be GET OUT NOW!!!!! if not then talk about it and try and work it out. Good Luck

Answer 6

Yes that what abusive want us to think they have to make us for low about our selves to make themselves feel good and beat us down mental to control the sitution so they can have all the power over us

Answer 7

Get out of this while you can.
You got a control freak on your hands. He wants you to be dependent on him. By him laughing at you worries me, he is taking your self esteem down and you are letting him.
Get out of this while you can, and hope he stays away.

Answer 8

Not abusive, just an ungrateful a$$hole.

Man, if a girl would cook and decorate my house for me, I'd love her to death! Not literally of course...

Answer 9

Yes. He's abusive. Leave him, and find yourself someone who will treat you with respect. You sound like an awesome girlfriend. Don't be a doormat.

Answer 10

He may not be abusive, but it would seem that he is calling the wtong one self centered. It seems like you are doing everything you can to make him happy.