Question about healthy relationships and sex?

Question

This is extremely embarassing to ask, but here goes. I just turned 19 this August, and I am concerned about what my relationships in life are going to be like...Allow me to elaborate: I've never had sex before. I had a few girlfriends last year in college, and found myself to be very happy just being together, but I never felt comfortable kissing. I always thought the problem would just go away, but it never did.

I went so far as to question my sexuality, and after an extremely awkward, short relationship later, I knew that I wasn't gay. For some reason, it just makes me feel very uneasy thinking about Sex or kissing. Everytime I think about a woman, I don't fantasize about her breast size or looks; I only think about how good it would feel to be close and lay next to her in bed...I have no idea why I feel like this. It's puzzling me to no end...Does anyone have any advice, or does anyone else feel like this?

Answer 1

It seems to be a common thing in guys and girls. You just don't have a high sex drive. You get satisfaction out of being romantic and close with a girl not sexual and that's fine. I have a female friend who just does not enjoy sex at all. It does cause problems in relationships for her but she doesn't sacrafice who she is to be with someone who pushes her to do something she doesn't want to. So you are not alone in this world and will find someone who doesn't want to rush into those things. Who knows, someday you might meet someone, that after awhile will make you feel like being intimate and maybe not. Just dont listen to anyone who says because ur a guy you must crave sex, therefore you are gay, if you don't feel like kissing or having sex with a guy either, then obviously its not that.

Good luck and don't compromise how you feel to make someone happy!!!

Answer 2

I'll take you at your word that you don't really want to be with a guy instead of a girl. Maybe you need to focus more on the quality of your relationships, male or female, and see what desires develop out of the friendships you have.

Healthy sexuality is a natural product of closeness with other people combined with a normal desire to physically express that closeness. With friends, you hug or pat them on the back and are satisfied with that amount of closeness. When you are with the right person, you will feel an overwhelming urge to touch them, even if it's just holding hands, touching their hair, or snuggling with them in bed. Once you do that, the desire will grow into something more. That's "normal" human sexual response, gay or straight. There's absolutely nothing wrong with letting things develop slowly. When you finally do have the sexual experiences of kissing and everything that comes after that, they will be meaningful.

While it's normal for men to be more visually stimulated than women, it doesn't make you weird that you don't spend all your time falling over yourself to catch a glimpse of a breast or a rear end. I think that once you experience some physical closeness, you'll be comfortable with more. In the long run, sex is SO much better when you take time with each "step" along the way.

Answer 3

I would strongly encourage you to explore these issues with a qualified therapist. There are some core intimacy issues here that need to be addressed. You may just not be ready for the intimacy that sex involves and that is ok, I encourage you to wait. But I think you need to find out what prevents you from experiencing sexual arousal with women and in particular why you are uncomfortable with kissing and other aspects of physical intimacy.

Answer 4

I believe you are a fairly normal young man. I commend you on your taking your time before getting in to heavy sexual relationships. They bring on a whole other world of problems and you are just not ready for it. You have the rest of your life and finding that you just want to be close and lay next to some one is great. do not worry, the rest will come and you will enjoy all the joys and benefits in a committed relationship

Answer 5

You sound like me!

Only without the whole NEVER fantasizing about a woman.

Well, it may just be that you see women as something to love, not make love to. In time, you should get over this, but you have to give it effort.

It could also be that you doubt your own sexual potency.
Watch a few pornos. I know their ridiculous, and the acting is terrible but force yourself.

Answer 6

It happens. It may be that you're not ready to have sex- it's a huge step. Maybe you're afraid. Maybe you've been traumatized in some way. Or maybe you're just not terribly sexual. Take it slow with your girlfriends, maybe talk to the ones or one you feel close to. If you're really worried, you could talk to a counselor. Your school probably has one, and it's not something that they would be shocked to hear about. In fact, I doubt you could shock them at all.

Answer 7

You just got to take it easy meeting the right person makes sex magic, read up on what the opposite sex likes some girls do and some girls dont, just get your rocks off and stop being so shy!

Answer 8

Dude! You gotta just go for it! It's not necessarily the kill, it's the thrill of the chase. Sex is primal. It's human. It's fun. It's often amazing. If you dream about just laying there with her, that's love, and love makes sex even better.

Answer 9

Maybe you are asexual. I think its possible to be asexual. You should however consider therapy...there may be some things that has happened that made you feel this way. Or go ahead and experiment with the same sex...you said you questioned your sexality...try it and see...it may surprise you, but at least you will know. But seriously consider therapy.

Answer 10

Not everyone enjoys sex...

I'll be the first to tell you, I'd pick a sexless relationship with someone I was attached to emotionally over a sex filled relationship with no feeling.

Some people are just wired differently, it's nothing to be ashamed of.