Grandparent and Great Grandparents and a 3 year old! HELP!!?

Question

My son is 3 and his grand parents and great grandparents let him do things that we dont approve of-- I have heard the saying that "that's what we do- spoil them" but how do you handle a situation such as letting them play with REAL tools (hammer, tape measure, ect..) at the age of 2/3. Or them telling you that you disipline your child too much, that "he is only 3 and doesn't understand" I am not saying that my child is any better than another but he is really smart for his age and they tend to give into his wants-- then when he comes home it is nothing but a battle for us to get him to mind. Any suggestions would greatly help!!!!!!!

Answer 1

I totally hear you on that one!!! I have tons of trouble with my son when he comes home from grammy's house...I finally had to sit her down(without my son around) and have a serious talk with her. I told her that I knew she loved him and spoiling him was her "job", but that I was the parent and she needed to abide by my rules. When I say something is not ok, I expect her to listen. After a one on one talk over lunch...things have been much better.

Answer 2

Well I'm living that, I'm the grandparent(NaNa) & I'm the babysitter too. Before I started watchin the 1st one I told my daughter, now listen, if you don't want me to disipline her, just let me know & you can find someone else. We had to make an understanding that she would be disiplined in the manner that she was. Her/my son-inlaw all agreed that when she is with me, I make the rules for her safety as I might see them. When she's with you, you make the rules. We are lucky we have a great relationship., especially since there was another one that came along 15 mths later. Everyone tells me that the girls are very well be-haved, polite, and respectful to others. It just had to be settled with us all agreeing that she had to mind or find another sitter. I spoil the girls, but I have limits, toys fine, tools, never!!! ARE you stupid??? Even a tape measure can sever a finger with a quick snap shut.(Seen it on an adult, can you imagine a child?? You just need to sit, talk, and explain, you are the parent, & the 1st boss, they have to follow your rules in order for the kids to not get confused. Don't feel nervous about discussing it with them. Hey they were parents & probably had the same trouble when you were little. Just tell them, ok?? ITs for the kids anyway, right??? Good Luck!!

Answer 3

I;d like to say that we've all been there, and I don't think there is a mom in the world who can't sympathize with your plight.

First off I would remind them that all toys and games have age recommendations on them, and seeing how tools are meant for adults, it's not appropriate for a child to play with them. If they put the notion in his head that he is allowed to play with adult things it could get dangerous.

Second you need to remind them that while you think it's great that they love your son, and want to spoil him, it makes your job more difficult. Seeing how they too were mothers they should be able to appreciate the fact that being a mother is hard enough without adding to it. You also need to remind them that the discipline of your child is your dission. If he is a well behaved little boy then that is largely due to the way you raise him and the discipline that you practice. I'm sure that they don't complain because he's well behaved. Lastly you need to remind them that they should respect your position as his mother and not try to interfere. If they undermine and ignore your requests and rules (especially in front of your son) that is only encouraging him to do the same. Best of luck.

Oh and as a side note, I think that people who are saying that three year olds aren't old enough to be disiplined, and that they don't know what's going on and what they've done wrong, that is total crap. My daughter is three years old and she knows very well what is and is not acceptable behavior. I don't have to explain to her what she has done wrong, because she knows. Don't be nieve, kids are smarter than any of us give them credit for.

Answer 4

What's wrong with a 3 year old using a hammer and tape measure under supervision? I think you are underestimating your child here.

If your grandparents and great-grandparents tell you that you discipline him too much, then you probably are. Remember that they come from generations that had parents that used switches to spank them and were brought up hard, so if they tell you that you are being too hard, then you are. And they are right 3 year olds normally do not understand the why's of doing and not doing things.

Answer 5

Tell them that if they aren't going to at least humor you on this issue, that they will have to see your son at your home, and under your supervision. You are his parent and have every right to demand taht they comply with your wishes for his upbringing. They need to be made aware that they are creating conlfict between you and him by not being consistent. And Grandparents' sole purpose in life is NOT to spoil kids. Ask them how they felt when they were raising you if THEIR parents gave you 2 dozen cookies b4 supper and then threw up all night from all the sugar. Tell then that the shoe is now on the other foot, and if they don't cut it out, that shoe will be firmly planted in their a**es as you kick them out of the house.

If you are between 20 and 35, your parents probably used the "no spanking, let your kids explore, buy them everything they ask for and never say no" method. They were hippies or of that generation, and grew up hating authority. They probably stood in line for 4 hours waiting for Toys R Us to open so they could buy you a Cabbage Patch Doll for X mas, and you probably had a new Nintendo box every time the company updated their hardware. They are now trying to pawn off that spoiling attitude onto your kids. Don't let them.

Answer 6

Be grateful the child has grandparents who are happy to play with your boy. If he is being well supervised I see no harm in playing with a real hammer etc. Your child will challenge your authority its only natural stick to your rules but let the grandparents have some fun.

Answer 7

i couldnt have found this quest at a better time..as i sit here reading questions ..i'm battling w/ my parents...for the moment we are staying w/ them and my 2 kids are their 1st grandbabies so u kow how that goes w/ the spoiling....there have been multiple time i've said not to do something and they still do it to spite me, so i think. like just a few mins ago they gave my 6 month old ice cream...i was just going nuts.....the tools thing...its the exact way w/ my parents....but it not a bad thing once it not tools your son can actually hurt himself with. it'll actually a learning experience. letting him experience these thing is actually a good thing. my 3yr old knows more than his 5 year old cousin b/c his grandparents (my husbands side) has that kid too sheltered..the poor child is afraid of the vacuum for Gods sake. let them play.. once they cant hurt themselves...trust me I've learned!!!

Answer 8

Yeah Grandparents are good at that.

Tools are good with supervision, my 2 1/2 year old loves working with me in the garage.

But make sure you lay down the law with your child when he is in your care and set some ground rules for his grandparents. You can't expect him to have identical rules and discipline with other people.

I know from growing up it was good to let loose with the grandparents and its good for my son and daughter too, but I and they know the rules at home because of consistent discipline.

Answer 9

first...as for the playing with tools. simply ask them to be a little cautious when giving him things to play with. lovingly remind them that you are the mommy and even though they did a great job raising you and/or your husband, you would appreciate them respecting your parenting wishes.

second, they are grandparents and they will spoil and treat your kid differently than you do. that's just how it works...sorry. i'm the aunt that lets my neices get away with all kinds of things. i am a mother, too, but when it's not your kid, you see things differently. my husband and i parent differently, it's o.k. though, b/c "it takes a village to raise a child". you child isn't getting anything bad from being a little spoiled, he is just getting a different kind of attention than he gets from you. just help him realize that certain things fly at grandma's that don't at home....

third, as for your discipline of him....once again....politely and lovingly remind them that you are the parent and you will do how you see fit.

good luck and take care.

Answer 10

playing with real tools with supervision isnt a bad thing, it is actually helpful in that your son is learning. - a skill, craft , eye-hand coordination, gross and fine motor control. as for them commenting on your disipline of him, i would wonder if perhaps you are over doing it because you feel threatened by them. i am not saying you are, but not knowing what disipline/for what offense its hard to make any sort of comment. try telling them that you have a hard time with him when he comes home and perhaps you all can come to some sort of middle ground. good luck.