im a stay at home mother. I cook clean and everything else and my mil wrote my husband a note saying "i dont do this and dont
do that and it breaks my heart." and saying i need to grow up and im sick and tired of it
2006-10-01 14:59:57 · 10 answers · asked by Alisha B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
In my personal opinion, depending on her personality, I would explain to her that this is YOUR marriage and as much as you appreciate her concern, her intrusion in your personal life is not acceptable. I would explain that you want and desire to have a comfortable relationship with her as well. If this doesn't work, then it's time for your husband to step in and explain to her that her unwanted comments and/or actions will not be tolerated and until she changes her ways then she is no longer welcome in your home. Your spouse and your children come first! If she doesn't like that "you don't do this and you don't do that" then it's time for her to stay home so she won't worry herself so much about what someone else is or isn't doing. Hope this helps!
2006-10-01 15:11:40 · answer #1 · answered by Bill B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Either your MIL is over stepping her boundaries, and must be stopped, or you are not telling the whole story. If the former is true, then your husband is well aware of her tendencies, then her opinion really has no weight. If you are the domestic goddess that you make yourself out to be, then your husband knows it and you have nothing to worry about, do you?
2006-10-01 22:34:44 · answer #2 · answered by JillA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You should have a LONG talk with your husband. SHow him the note if he hasn't seen it and tell him he needs to tell his mother to stop. HE is the one who has to deal with his mom. MAKE him deal with her. He needs to tell his mom that it upsets HIM (not you) that she says these things about you. He needs to stand up a be a man and deal with this. Do not say anything to the mother in law yourself, it MUST come from him.
Or if he has any siblings, try to get them on your side to tell their mother that she needs to stop saying bad stuff about you.
Watch "Everybody loves raymond" cause it sounds just like what you are going through and maybe you can get some laughs from it.
2006-10-01 23:16:09 · answer #3 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have four older brothers. They are all married. No matter what happens, when something goes wrong or is imperfect in my brother's lives with their wives my mother blames her daughter-in-law. It is ridiculous. Oddly enough, my sisters-in-law adore my mother. You can never win, and if you start battling it will never end. Better to just make you and your husband happy and ignore her moments of ignorance.
2006-10-01 22:30:41 · answer #4 · answered by djk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did grow up when you got married. You have your own family to take care of. she took care of hers, now she needs to back the heck up. if she doesn't think you are doing a good enough job, send him back. If your husband had any complaints surely he would have said something to you by now. If you let her get to you, you will never earn her respect and she will never stop. don't ignore the problem, just pick your battles.
2006-10-01 22:13:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your Husband, not your mother in law, is who you need to please, as well as your self. Your husband is the one who needs to tell his mother, I Love You Mom, but I am grown with a family. I Love my Wife and she pleases me very much. Stop saying negative things about her, stop criticizing her, I do not want to hear it anymore. If you guys are living with her, things could be more difficult. As long as you are doing your part, she needs to be told to stop.
2006-10-01 22:12:59 · answer #6 · answered by kayboff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of showing her anger (it never helps the situation), ask her good questions like: "I saw the note you left for "Joe" and I think we have different styles of running a home. I like your style, but I feel more comfortable with mine and it works for me. Thanks for being concerned, but I don't want you to worry about me." In other words, to be assertive, you never have to be defensive and you don't need to be obnoxious. You can also ask good questions of her like "What makes you think I'm not a good mother/wife/homemaker?????" Put her on the defensive, but be gentle and kind--it works better.
2006-10-01 22:10:02 · answer #7 · answered by heyrobo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get into it with your MIL. Always try to stay on the good side of her. You may not always be his wife, but she will always be his mother.
2006-10-01 22:09:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit and talk to her nicely. If it doesn't go well, leave it be and get out of the conversation graciously and speak to your husband. It is his duty to talk to her and make things right.
2006-10-01 22:09:04 · answer #9 · answered by Nana 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its imposable 2 be nice 2 them when they act like that
2006-10-01 22:02:33 · answer #10 · answered by jariana87 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋