How can i get my 9 year old to help me out with the house work without having to ask her all the time?

Question

I do not believe in given an allowance to help clean up things that she uses aswell. I have tried sitting her down and talking to her.. Explaining that i would have more time with her if she would just help me out.. I have a 7 month old baby aswell. And yelling isn't working either...

Answer 1

There are other ways then just allowance. We learned in psychology that you don't always have to use allowance as your only source of positive reinforcement. You could reward her in things like getting her favorite food one night if she does her chores for the whole week or going to the movies with the stuff that is harder to get her help with and she actually does it without asking really praise her for it and really make her understand how much it really means to you that she does this, that type of stuff. I will say though, if you sit down and think about it what do you end up doing when you grow up? You work to be able to get money to reward yourself in the end, so why not start this with your 9 year old now. They begin to understand at an earlier age what the "real world" is all about and it helps shape and mold their expectations and desires as well. I see no harm in using allowance, but this also isn't my child either so I respect your thoughts on this issue. Funny story, my parents gave my twin and I money for allowance but when we got out of hand she used to take the bowls that had dried up cereal in them still from sitting out in the living room(and trust me they sat out there for a while) and she would put them on our bed! LOL....that cracks me up to this day....I loved that about her! Try not to be too hard on yourself. I have attached an article for you...hope it helps.

Answer 2

Write a list of chores, complete with what is considered the "right" way of doing them and a set time that each chore must be completed (Dishes must be washed, dried and put away by 7:00pm, etc.) Then turn the list into a contract...after each chore have your daughter initial to show she has read and understood what her responsibility is. At the bottom, have a list of consequences attached..what will happen if she fails to complete the agreed on chores, in the agreed upon manner by the agreed upon time. Loss of TV time, earlier bedtime, no video games, extra chores on the weekend are all good consequences. Put your "contract" on the fridge. Print extra copies and post one in her room, in the family room and/or in any other areas she frequents. Remind her to check her list everyday when she gets home from school to see what needs to be done. If she has consequences in place from the day before, remind her of them and why they are being enforced. No yelling, no constant reminders or nagging. Just simple cause and effect.

It is worth knowing this isn't unusual behavior in a 9yr old...or a 16 yr.old for that matter! And while I am sure she would love more time with you, my bet is she is still feeling displaced by the baby. Try not to take away your time with her or use that as a punishment, but once she does start doing things on schedule, make a big deal out of how her helping gives YOU more time to do things with her and how much you appreciate it!

Answer 3

She is nine years old you have to keep asking her all the time. it's a part of being nine years old...weren't you ever nine? Here is a thought, make new rules. No television, no videos, no games, no computer unless she does her chores. When she does her chores for a day she gets an hour of her choice, t.v., videos, games, computer. If she doesn't do her chores, nothing. The best way for this to work however is to have started it right from the beginning, that's how we did it. Certain things were privileges, not rights and my daughter got her privileges only when she earned them. There was no television/videos/games/computer in her bedroom, everything was in the family room where she could be supervised. It seems to have worked, she is now 20 and helps out.

Answer 4

Well allowance cant be looked at as a brib to clean up, but more as an incentive to do better.. I mean when she gets old enough to get a real job .. she'll get paid right?? Just try a small allowance.. cause sometimes that really does help..an allowance may actually make her WANT to help you just so she can get her little allowance... its hard to get a 9 year old to do chores and stuff like that.. Maybe you could compromise with her.. ask her to help you out with the baby .. NEVER give an allowance to help out with the baby, but tell her look.. ill set specific chores and if you do them daily you'll get a weekly allownace.. do it by week so she has to keep it up everyday!! or if you are just really really set on NOT giving allowance then set like a mother child day.. like if your 9 year DOES all their chores all week and helps out then Saturday let them pick out something special to do, and no matter what it is do it.. like if they want to see a new movie, or want to rent a new video game.. or something like that...

Answer 5

The best way is to give a sum of money or treat (like letting her do something she wants to do) for each time she does the chores, she will slowly learn to do it everytime even before u even tell her to because she knows u will reward her. If that doesn't work, then u might try to punish her for not doing her chores by taking away privileges (like the sleepover at her friend's house on the weekend or not letting her watch the tv). Hope that helps.

Answer 6

I have a 9-year-old boy and at the beginning of the week I give him tokens. Each token is worth a different amount of time. If he wants to watch tv for 30 minutes, he gives me a token, if I have to ask him to do a chore, he gives me a token. You have to decide what is a fair amount to start with, but this way you are teaching her lifestyle "how to get along in the real world and make it" philosophies. See if that works, then you both are involved. Like the saying goes, "We pick our battles" good luck

Answer 7

Might I suggest that you make a point to tell her that if she doesn't help clean up that for every day she doesn't do at least one thing (start out small) that she loses a privilege such as going outside or going over to a friend's house. Then make it stick. she should have been doing something for you before now. She's old enough to do the dishes. Good luck.

Answer 8

Ok if you dont give any allowence. Just give her a list of her chores tell her they are her responsibility and that if she doesn't do them then you will start taking things aways.

Chores are no different than homework. She lives there and it is her job to help around the house. So tell her that she has a new job and that if she doesn't do it then you will start taking away priviledges.

Answer 9

Make a wall chart. When she fulfils her duties each day give her a sticker or some other kind of reward. After a few weeks of positive accomplishments, take her out for ice cream. It's not bribery, just making her feel special, like she is valued too. There's no way she can understand what kind of stress you are under, nor should she. Try to make it a bit fun for her.

Answer 10

First, no matter what the age, you are going to have to tell your child reguardless what to do. that is your job as a parent. you could try punishing her by taking away the phone, her bike, not being able to go to a sleep over, etc. things like that and you can tell her that until she starts to remember to help more often, than she may not be allowed to do the things that she likes most. yelling, and giving her speeches... sounds like they are not the way to get through to her.