need to make a decision about putting my elderly mom in a nursing home. this is a tuff and sad decsion but needs to be done. how do i handle it emationally without feeling guilty
2006-10-01 12:16:27 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
hun if your close to your mother, just talk to her let her know the reasons you just can't keep her living with you, but you need to assure Her that you will always be just a Phone call Away. visit as often as possible, show her,shes not far from your Heart.good luck hun
2006-10-01 12:21:00 · answer #1 · answered by rpoker 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I manage an independent living retirement community and I've seen many of our residents move to a nursing home after their needs change and require more care than we can provide. It's not an easy decision but ultimately one that most people eventually have to make. I don't know what kind of condition your mother is in, but is it possible for her to help in the decision making process? Take her to different facilities, discuss together the pros and cons, get her input on what she would like. The more she is part of the process, the more she feels she has at least some control over the situation and the more willing she will be to make the move, making you feel less guilty. Even if she refuses to cooperate, please don't beat yourself up over it. You're only doing what's in her best interest. Good luck to you and your mother. I hope this helps you.
2006-10-01 19:33:50 · answer #2 · answered by Patricia S 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Instead of putting your mom in a nursing facility, have you ever thought about an in home hospice nurse. These nurses are like angels! They come into your home and take care of whatever needs to be done. A hospice also has volunteers that can come into the home and clean, cook, bathe, etc. You could have 24hr care or whatever the situation is. I'm pretty sure your mom would want to be in her own home. This will make her feel safe and secure. I have nothing against nursing homes, but a hospice is always a secondary choice. I hope this helps you in this tough situation.
2006-10-01 20:22:20 · answer #3 · answered by Kim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister and I recently placed Mother in a nursing home. Actually 2 of them. It was a tough decision and it was sad. Mother did not get along with the staff in the first home so we moved her. Now Mother is happier than she has been in years. She enjoys the attention she gets from staff, having lunch and dinner partners, Sitting outside in the sun to gossip with new friends. My sister lives a few minutes away and visits frequently. We have lunch with her sometimes, but no longer take her out as it seems to confuse her.
It is still sad, but we don't feel guilty now. Fitting your Mom with the right group is important. Getting to know the staff at the nursing home is important. Talk with them about your mother, her moods, her needs, her health .... I do wish you and your family the very best with this tough decision. Not all nursing homes are bad and not all nursing home experiences are bad.
2006-10-01 19:32:42 · answer #4 · answered by lollipop 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, I want to say, I believe if the children are able, they should care for their elderly parents. It may be inconvenient sometimes, but I'm sure kids were inconvenient sometimes for them. Elderly parents do better in familiar surroundings. IF it is impossible to care for/ hire someone to care for her, and you have contacted the welfare dept, the assistance for elderly dept, checked into home health care, and contacted a social worker at a near by hospital and received no assistance then check the nursing home carefully. Patients get poor care, worse in some, in most nursing homes that I am familiar with. I had to temporarily place my mom in one and the care was horrible. I still regret doing it, but it seemed necessary at the time. In hind sight, I would have found another way. I can't tell you how to not feel guilty. Just be sure you did your best to care for her at home, then check several nursing homes, talk to the patients, make your decision and learn to live with it. If it was for her best and not for yours then it simply has to be. I can sincerely say I sympathize with you, but ONLY you can make that decision. It is a very, very difficult one.
2006-10-01 19:29:59 · answer #5 · answered by Dan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think any of us could identify with feeling guilty and sad. If you have looked at all of the options and this is what you have to do, then honor yourself for having the courage and the responsibility to do it. No one likes these feelings but they always accompany a decision like this. You are a good person for taking care of your Mom. Try to focus on the next step of choosing a good home for her. My thoughts are with you.
2006-10-01 19:40:52 · answer #6 · answered by whrldpz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will feel guilty at first, however, you must remind your self that your mother NOW needs help that you can not give her at home.
Try to visit her daily so her will become use to you coming and going, and help her to get used to the new surrounding. It may take a while for both of you, but remember that her health comes first.
Be strong, its alright to cry and feel a little down, but don't let it keep you down.
Good Luck!!!
2006-10-01 20:02:11 · answer #7 · answered by Sandyvon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a difficult decision. As much as you dearly love your mother, I assume you are neither a trained nurse, doctor or someone her age. So if the home provides better care and companionship than you are emotionally and physically able to give her without you becoming frazzled along with your other obligations, and you are able to call and visit her several times a week you can reduce your guilt to a minimum. If it doesn't work out you can always bring her home.
2006-10-01 19:26:56 · answer #8 · answered by greenwillowtrie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
1. By choosing one conveniently close enough for you and other family members to make regular visits -- that's the best assurance she would always get the care she needs. (In cases where patients in understaffed facilities are neglected, it's usually those patients who don't get outside visitors.)
2. Chose one where she can still pursue her interests and make some friends too.
This way her physical and emotional needs can be met and you won't worry every minute of the day whether she is safe. You are doing it because you love her.
2006-10-01 19:31:03 · answer #9 · answered by Lynda 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought of home health care? It really depends what kind of medical attention she is needing, I totally understand what you mean. I feel for you. I wish you the best in what ever decision you make. Most of all please check out the nursing home in every detail and visit her often as possible.
2006-10-01 19:25:20 · answer #10 · answered by uniquehzleyes 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi there, first of all my heart goes out to you, as i would feel guilty myself if i were ever in your position, talk to your mum and reassure her that it would be in her best interest if she did go in a nursing home, as they are professional people there 24 hours, take her to look round a couple of nursing homes and let her choose one herself, that way she won't feel like you are disowning her, also reassure her that you are not that far away and that you will see her every day, when possible, but try to make her realize nursing homes have round the clock care workers, also reassure yourself that it will be better for your mum if she had round the clock care, something that neither you nor me could give our parents as much as we would like to it is impossible.........good luck and god bless
i hope this helps
Yvonne
2006-10-01 19:41:32 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋