will I ever be normal?

Question

I don't feel normal, I never have been normal. What is normal when I look like this? The prominance of my depression stems from deep inside me, I'm a lost soul.
The Scars on my arms tell stories of my fathomless unhapiness. I struggle to fit in, I feel there's no way anyone will accept me. I'm a mess, walking death. I can't smile, I am meaningless to anyone, even myself.
What is normal? Will I be normal?
Don't tell me it's a teenages thing when i know it stems from deep inside me. My parents look at me, what do they see, the big mistake like the atomic bomb. Their son, walking misery, depressing looking, messed up boy.
My illeterate friends tell me I'm messed up and taking things too seriously, that i cut for attention and make them look bad. What do they know, they haven't seen life through my eyes.
I feel my life is slowly ending. it hasn't spawned to be anything but a black hole. What is normal?
Could I be normal and others not? No, that's ridiculous.
What is normal? anon

Answer 1

You're a really good writer. What you said in that post is very vivid and emotional.

I know what it's like to be depressed, not feeling normal. But you have to tell yourself every day, that no one is normal.

The person you look at as being 'normal' may have something that he or she hides inside, and because you don't see it, you think that they are this perfect person.

I think you have a talent, and if you use it, you may not forget about how bad you feel, but you could sure make the world a better place with what you give it.

Answer 2

In regards to your cuts there are some websites out there that will help you threw self harming, I know some people like to use a red pen to give them the same effect. Don't listen to your friends this is not an attention seeking thing it's a way that some people can express the pain and "lost" feeling they have by punishing themself with physical pain. You should be asking yourself why do you want to be normal it's individuality that people crave for, look at the good qualities on life and enjoy being yourself trying to be something you are not is never gonna work. I know people probably say this all the time but it doesn;t really matter if you fit in if you are strong and individual people start wanting to be like you and part of you because they dont have the guts to be themselves and people admire the strength in others when they are.

Answer 3

i'm basically a layman, a shopworker, yet I even have helped shield older persons, and function a common sense of anatomy, and this would not sound solid. at first, does a colostomy negate the would desire to empty one's bowels often? I ask this because of the fact, as I realize it, the bag utilization is in lieu of standard bowel strikes. How might you get a mass that length, whilst the colostomy is in place, and the decrease bowel is close off decrease than the colostomy? I continually understood a C.B. became into an the two /or subject, the bag or typical defecation, not the two. If I have been you, i might call for an evidence for this mess, and if accessible, yet another set of expert eyes to look this subject over , earlier you have a malfunction of a poorly achieved colostomy , and the bowel ruptures and kills the one you love with peritonitis, ( the bowel ruptures and fecal count invades the abdomen , making for a hellacious an infection, bringing on a depressing loss of life) by ineptitude and stupidity. the faster the extra valuable. God bless and robust success. Run , do not walk.

Answer 4

CAST OFF
I fell again, this time to far
Sometimes life makes us what we are
The race is won, but I never started
I lay here bleeding, broken hearted
Disgraced, reviled, out of hand
Torn inside so much I can't stand
The pain is all that I can see
Don't look at, feel, or pity me
Because I'm poison burning black
Like my wounds from my attack
Yes I'm wounded, yes I'm maimed
But so obsessed I can't be blaimed
Disgraced, reviled, out of hand
Torn inside so much I can't stand
The pain is all that I can see
Don't look at, feel, or pity me
I fell again, I'm glad I fell
Fell out of life and into hell
I'd rather be maimed than like the rest
This is my lot ilea iacta est. - 1/10/2006 ELK

Most people have felt utterly lost and hopeless at some point. For many years I cut my body to pieces, using razors, knives, cheese wire, soldering irons, sand paper... and so on. Then suddenly I realised that hurting myself was meaningless in this way - physical pain really means nothing (also I was beginning to develop some pretty disturbing habits like talking to myself while I cut myself in a manner not dis-similar to Gollum...).
In the end though everythin you are going through now will cease to matter to you, either you will abandon this path in favour of happiness, or like me you will hurt yourself so much that you can't feel misery anymore. I would try to seek some help because if you cocoon yourself in misery you won't emerge as a butterfly.
There is a way of turning things around and finding the "normality" you seem to want. If you think long enough you will find the way. If you want a clue then as they say in the movies "follow the yellow brick road"...

By the way this is the first time I have written any real sort of poem in over five years so I am sorry about how poor it is.

Answer 5

That is very sad and depressing, I will tell you the same things you have already been told most likely. but I will tell you again. People care and love you but you haven't let them get close because of your out look on life and your life. you are pulling away from everything that has value. and your life has value no matter how bad you feel and no matter how you feel about living it. being in it. there is good in everyone given the chance and the chance starts with you. weather this is your outlook or someone Else's( anon) as you wrote. Your family cares about you but are not really looking at you. if they were they would and could see your hurt . just in your eyes alone tells a lot .go to them or go to a friend . talk . tell all your emotions and feelings about everything you are depressed and scared of. and tell them why..Don't put your emotions to a halt . don't put your mental health to a danger, and don't let life pass you by, live and be loved and love .

Answer 6

There is no such thing as normal, we all struggle to fit into the pattern of society we are born into. We can't choose our family but can choose our friends. If your friends don't understand you then see your doctor. Everyone see's life as a black hole until they fill it with what they want to fill it with, and put up with the things they have to include into it. If you've lost your way then your doc can help you. Stop putting your head in the dark sand and look up to the positiveness of life, it's there, it's a challenge and an adventure waiting to happen. You've put your adventure on hold. If you have a chemical imbalance your doc can help you with that, but you may have another health problem. Go get an MOT from your GP.

Answer 7

the word "normal" should be struck from our language!! It is nothing but trouble!!! You are you. I am me. We are different but neither of us is normal. I am almost 40 and have spent most of my life working out that noone is normal and that most people are happy making compromises and trying to fit in. For those of us who are not happy with that there are problems. But those problems are within ourselves.

You are right, this is not a teenager thing - but it is indicitive of your age that you are no where near finding out who you are yet. It took me a very very long time. Do not give up on yourself. If you are strong enough, you will move forward and eventually, you will be one the more interesting ones - someone who knows who they are and are comfortable with themselves. I know it sounds ridiculous right now. But experience tells me it is so.

If you cant make this part of your journey on your own, get some support. You are quite intelligent (and this is partly what blights you - you are a thinker) and you can and will help yourself. Ignore the inevitable rubbish some people will post to you and take the bits you need from people's answers. Best wishes.

Answer 8

Everyone has a song in their heart. Everyone has a reason for being here and a season for making their highest, greatest most auspicious contribution. No one knows what that is or when that is for anyone else. Only our own heart knows what and when it is for us. Your heart wants to sing. Don’t die with your music still within you. There is a reason for everything and a purpose to your life. Too many fail to listen to the song in their heart and therefore fail to find their purpose and their part. What makes your soul sing and your heart dance? Actually you heart is your soul and you are both! Ask this one question of yourself but don’t be in a hurry to answer it. Live in the question for a day, a week, a month. Let it invite your heart to speak to you. And when you are absolutely sure what your heart is saying is true then begin to invoke the changes necessary in your life so that you live in alignment with your song. Be patient with this.

Answer 9

You are not abnormal. You are depressed as in the physical illness. Go see your doctor and talk to her/him. Really. It will help so very much more than posting questions in cyber space. There is no fear nor shame. It's a genetic thing, and you are just more prone to becoming seriously depressed and then slipping into a funk that persists. Sounds to me like that's where you're at, and the only way out is to ask your doctor for help.

Answer 10

there is no such thing as normal. im sorry but u will never be normal neither will i or anyone else. in this world there are too many differences to make a normal person. you are unique. i know many others are too but you should be proud of who you are. You are unique in such a way no one else is. you have feelings and see things in your eyes and point of view different from the whole world. no one will have the same features as you inside or out. you should smile and even if you can't you should accept yourself. you see others and you think that is normal. its not. do not look at others in hope and wishing to be normal but look at yourself and see who you are. and know that you are the only you there ever will be. you are no one else. and that there just knowing you are different and never will be normal is unique. life is imperfect but its amazing how everything in life is soo imperfect that we see things perfect like you. so smile and be proud.