My SIL smokes pot and drinks around her baby, should I confront her?

Question

I feel so sorry for my neice growing up in those conditions, and my relationship with my SIL is on the rocks already so I'm afraid to tell her to quit that stuff. Should I call social services? If so how do I get ahold of them?

Answer 1

i know how you feel my brother is a drug dealer and he among other people are always smoking in his apartment building, the sad thing is that he has a 10 month baby with him all the time and his g/f is due to have their second child soon. and at times i worry about the safety of the child. i wouldn't call s.s on him unless he started to mistreat his baby. if your niece is healthy and you dont fear for her life then dont do any thing that will cause her to know the bad side of her mother when she gets older. Social Services only take the children away to place them in sometime worse places. just talk to your SIL and tell her the consequences of her actions. if she loves her baby then she will quit.

Answer 2

Only involve social services if you feel your niece is in imminent danger because of abuse and/or neglect and neither your brother nor SIL is willing to take action. Otherwise, mind your business. Most parents who smoke pot know better than to do it in front of the kids, no matter how young or old, and drinking is still socially acceptable so unless your SIL is falling down drunk and high 90% of the time and unable to adequately care for the child, mind your business. Where's your brother in all this?

For as long as humans have raised children, there are those who have been raised successfully in dysfunctional households, usually with the support of extended family. Substance abuse isn't the only dysfunction they've suffered under either. That's not condoning things, of course, but sometimes the best you can do is support the child, not criticize the adult. Try taking a bigger part in your niece's life if you are so concerned for her. Offer to babysit or have her over for the weekend on a regular basis. Be a positive force in her life, but never, ever, criticize her parents to her. If things are bad, she will learn to do that herself in time.

You will find that if you concentrate on your relationship with the child, your relationship with her mother might improve. There is a very thin line between being supportive and being enabling, so always make sure your relationship with your niece is on your terms, not on her mother's terms. In other words, don't run to take your niece every time her mother decides to get high/drunk (that's enabling), but if her mother chooses to get high/drunk when you decide to take the child, that's her lookout. That doesn't mean that she won't indulge otherwise, but that's also her lookout.

Concentrate on being a positive force.

Answer 3

I have worked for child protective services before. Some agencies will make a big deal over pot use, and others simply won't. (Due to overwhelming caseloads, bigger fish to fry, too few workers, what have you.) So let's look at the relevant issues:

I'm not anti-drinking.

But IS your sister in law breast feeding?
Then she should definitely NOT be drinking with any regularity. The one way to get around this safely if drinking occasionally party, is to pump off and bottle extra 'clean' milk in advance for the baby to drink while there's still alcohol in mom's system, then 'pump and dump' the milk she produces while there IS alcohol in her system.

I'm not a fan of parents using pot, but I'm a realist. So let's talk about what's SAFE.

No, she should never smoke MJ in her baby's air space (i.e. inside the apartment, let alone the same room).


RELATED TO ALL SUBSTANCE USE:

As the baby ages, she must ensure that the baby/toddler/child can NEVER find or get into her stash (LOCK IT UP!), or get their hands on 'roaches' from the ashtray or disposal container. Flush them ASAP - or dispose of them away from the home.

Same thing goes for any drug pipes, needles, or pop cans converted into pipes, etc. - keep them locked up at all times when not in use, or get them AWAY to where a curious, exploring child of any age CAN'T find them. A small personal safe can be purchased for $30 or less at business supply or department stores. Keep the key out of sight and out of reach.

If Mom and/or another parent/adult in the home is spending so much money on alcohol or drugs that they are unable to provide adequately for their children, there's a problem.

If spending is so out of control that there are debts to dealers involved, the parent has just given some of their power away, and that makes the kids VERY vulnerable. I won't go into details. Use you imagination for 20 different scenarios.

Maybe this goes without saying, but parents who want the best for their kids should keep their illegal habits to themselves. Kids learn more by what you do than by what you say. If you don't want your 8/10/12/14 year old to get drunk or use drugs, don't set an example by letting them know that you do. It's not lying...it's protecting. You don't share the details of your sex life with them either. (I HOPE!) Some things are just adult things. Keep it away from them.

I knew of one mom who 'needed' to get blitzed every so often. So the kids spent a weekend a month with grandma or their aunt on a nice 'visit', and had no clue that Mommy spent that Friday night through Saturday night getting stoned. But she was ALWAYS sober around them. And she was a great mom.

And the final KEY issue is this:

There HAS to be at least one responsible adult (or teenage babysitter) who is SOBER enough to adequately supervise and care for the child, and respond to their needs as well as to small and large emergencies, AT ALL TIMES. Some people can drink a couple of drinks, or smoke a joint, and still parent effectively, some can't, and some truly believe they can, and can't. When in doubt...have someone else take willing responsibility for the child's well being while using.

(BTW... In my experience, crack is NOT one of those drugs you can use and still parent effectively while it's in your system. Neither are heroin, meth, or most other street drugs besides basic pot. But then you have to know your pot isn't laced with anything, so unless you're buying organic from a grower you trust.....better not to try caregiving while using. It's too variable.)

I hope this helps you figure out what to do.

Answer 4

MYOFB. People live long lives this way. If I opened my mouth about all the stuff I know about, I'd be bounty hunted in the streets.

How would you feel if your niece was put into foster care and molested by some disgusting pervert? When she was safe at home with her terrible, horrible loving and caring, but pot smoking and wine sipping mother? Jeez lady. Have a shot of common sense on the rocks. Watch the news and grow the hell up.

Answer 5

LISTEN!!!!!!!!! this is absolutely none of your BUSINESS!!!!!!!!! you best keep to yourself but if youre so F'in concerned talk to your brother OK... you will never ever in a million years be forgiven if you call social services on your sister in law. EVEN YOUR NEICE WILL HATE YOU FOR CALLING THE COPS ON HER MAMA! THINK ABOUT IT CHICK!!! s h i t ... try smoking a little pot with her .. she is probably the coolest chick in the world...



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btw... BELOW IS YOUR BEST ANSWER BY Jellybean...

Answer 6

there is going to be a funds bar at my bathe the following day. LOL even nonetheless it rather is a "couple's bathe" and surely in simple terms extra of a party that my fiance's kin is throwing...they are all exciting, party loving human beings so it rather is fairly in simple terms an stunning excuse for them to party and drink. i've got not got a difficulty with it, yet it is me and that i understand my friends and kin nicely sufficient to appreciate that no person would be offended by potential of slightly booze. according to probability you will desire to evaluate having 2 separate showers? one that your sister-in-regulation can placed on, and a various one for all your elderly church friends and co-workers? i realize it is extra handy suggested than achieved considering the fact which you do not throw your individual showers generally, even nonetheless it rather is an thought so as that each and every physique could be chuffed. you will not offend your sister-in-regulation and you will not offend absolutely everyone else who would desire to be miffed approximately alcohol at a baby bathe...

Answer 7

Yes you should call...or better yet, have you mentioned anything to your brother(not sure if he is around)? That is a terrible environment for a baby to grow up in. Even if her clothes and food needs are being met...Her emotional needs certainly aren't. You could contact your local police department and ask what you should do...hopefully they will give you the number to Child Protective Services...if not Look them up in the phone book.

Answer 8

CPS can't help you until after the police are involved. So the first step would be reporting it to a police officer. Talk to your sil if you want to, but i don't think it would do ant good. She already knows she shouldn't smoke around the kids and she does it anyway. Why would she care if you don't like it?

Answer 9

Not only should you confront her, but you should report to the child protective agency. They are in the phone book or you can ask information for the phone number. She is an unfit mother. Does her husband know what she is doing? The whole family should have an intervention and tell her that she is a terrible mother.

Answer 10

You need to get the baby out of that house. That is no way for a child to live. Call the police dept (not 911) they should know the number. and another thing tell your brother let him know whats going on if you can. good luck