My husband and I live in Europe. We had a very spontaneous, very small wedding in the US (while we were on vacation visiting my family) and only 3 guests were able to make it. Some of the European family did not even know about it until after we came home from our vacation, some of my family still doesn't know. Before the small wedding, we decided that we were absolutely going to have a vow renewal ceremony for our friends and family on our first anniversary, and everyone would be invited to the large wedding.
I am sure that some of our family and friends would like to get us presents/know where we are registered. Here is the problem - I know that it is rude to ask for money, but we live in Europe and shipping for presents will cost a fortune for whoever does it. Presents given at the ceremony or reception would either have to go into our luggage or be shipped over. Also, the registry websites don't allow you to register if you live outside of the US... What should I do?
2006-10-01 09:08:30 · 9 answers · asked by Only_my_opinion 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I was only married a bit over a month ago, so I am still a newlywed. We have the wedding announcements/save the dates at the printer right now.
2006-10-01 20:42:39 · update #1
Do you not have a regisrty there that your friends and family could access via the internet? They can purchase the gift that way and have it shipped a friend of yours to be wrapped ot just sent to you.
I don't think it would be rude to add a note stating that if anyone wishes to send you a gift it would be appreciated but that with the cost of shipping, it would more economical to send a gift certificate/ cash/ money order. I have shipped to the UK from Texas and it was not really all that bad.
2006-10-01 09:19:44 · answer #1 · answered by mommakaye 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You'll need to rely on word of mouth for this. Definitely DON'T put any info about it in your invitations. If you just tell a couple of the women in each family (the ones you and your husband are closest to) that usually goes a long way for spreading the word. Taking a few gifts in your luggage shouldn't be too bad, and many people ship the gifts early anyway. If you aren't registered for much, it should make money the obvious choice for most people. Hopefully they'll realize the problem and write checks! Also see if you can find a place to register for something (like silver) because you may want something special to take into your marriage from your loved ones, and there are certain people who will want to send an actual gift. (You may want to go with something small that will fit into your luggage easily.)
2006-10-01 15:20:26 · answer #2 · answered by Jenny Alice 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost it's kind of tacky to be registering for gifts especially since you're not a newlywed anymore. You can put on the invitation or announcement that monetary gifts are welcome,BUT before you do that do some research to find out how much it would cost to ship items if your guests choose to give a gift and where in Europe you are wanting the items to send. Actually it would be more appropriate to do a wishing well since registering gifts is what engaged and newly married couples do not a couple that's been married for a while. This time if you're doing a vow renewal send out invitations to who you want to come and announcements to relatives and friends who may not make it and even consider putting the announcement in your paper or go online and see if there's a website that allows you to post special occassion announcements so you can reach more people. But if you're doing it in the states again contact the post office to find out cost to ship items to Europe and get a general list of things from clothing(make sure you specify exact and correct sizes) to appliances you want as gifts to get an idea of the cost to ship so you can let your guests know ahead of time. Good luck.
2006-10-01 11:11:43 · answer #3 · answered by nabdullah2001 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Do not ask for money, regardless of your situation. There is no polite way to do so.
People who know you already know where you will be living, correct? So they can put two and two together on their own. Really, they can!
(Your friends can hint to people by word of mouth, like if they overhear someone dicussing buying you a breadmaker, they could mention that it would be difficult for you to travel back with.)
I really do not think you should register for a vow renewal anyways, nor do I think you should expect gifts for one. Miss Manners has actually written several articles about how vow renewal ceremonies themselves are usually not appropriate, as they are re-runs of a sacred event, and repeating the ceremony dilutes it. So she would actually advise you to simply have the anniversary celebration without the vow renewal ceremony.
If people directly ask you about gifts, you can say "Oh, we are not really interested in gifts very much, we just want to be sure to see as many of the people we love as possible."
2006-10-01 14:10:08 · answer #4 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I suggest that you get your wedding party or close friends and family to spread the word that you would prefer a monetary gift because of the cost of shipping gifts. Most people will say that it is rude to put "Presentation or monetary gifts" on an invitation. You invite people to your reception without the expectation that they are to bring you a gift. Although we know it's customary to bring a gift it's not required. However in some circles it's perfectly appropriate to write that on an invitation. It depends on the circles of people and whom will be there. Have you seen this done in your circles of family friends. If so then put it on the card. If not I would refrain from it as it could come across as insulting and you are looking for a gift.
2006-10-01 10:52:05 · answer #5 · answered by Violet 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You shouldn't really be expecting gifts because of these circumstances. I hope you are just inviting people to have fun at a get-together for your first anniversary - it certainly isn't a wedding, so you shouldn't call it that. If family members or close friends aren't sure what to get you, they can contact your family.
2006-10-01 09:35:56 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't register. A registry card should not be included with a invitation unless it is to a wedding shower. There is absolutely no way to say you would prefer cash. However, if you do not register, it's not like there is an option.
2006-10-01 09:12:53 · answer #7 · answered by treday25 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Because of the situation, i do not believe it would be rude to request money instead of gifts. Just explain on a simple note the reasoning behind the request. Then for those that would like to go through all of the added expense may do so. If might be little more time consuming however, I think a very thoughtful idea, considering some may not be aware of these issues. Good luck
2006-10-01 09:18:27 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
instead of registering you can in small font at the bottom of the card write
"Monetary gifts appreciated" (or i have gotten cards that even say requested) "monetary gifts requested"
i know i have gotten many many invites with that and i don't mind at all its a lot easier i don't have to shop around for gifts and #1 thing all newly weds need to start on the right foot is MONEY
2006-10-01 09:41:04 · answer #9 · answered by Big Turbo 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋