Ok; please don't troll me cuz im feelin fragile enuf as it is
There's sum1 i know- not well enough to call her a friend but well enough to know that she's funny & serious and comfortable with me & we know and like pretty much the same stuff & equally enjoy our differences. The handicap that's holding me back is her handicap. She's in a wheelchair & she looks quite priv8 & traditionalist. i want2ask her out but I wouldn't enjoy it if she didn't appreci8 my attentions Of course there r practical &really intim8 issues to think about but i'm fine with all that bt she's bound2 feel funny about all that & I wouldn't want to share a night out with her friend And her; I want just her
I'd hate 4 her 2think i'm a freakish fetishist but I am quite an open and forward person so it wouldn't be unimaginable possibility for her2feel this :-| But she fascinates me; cute clever, i won't bore you. I want to give (&get) so much more from this fledgeling 'us'
But how do I approach this
2006-10-01 08:51:13 · 12 answers · asked by Can I Be Your Pet? 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think it's cute. You're obviously really into her and worry about how she'd feel about it all.
Keep doing what you're doing. Talk to her, enjoy her company, make sure she enjoys yours. And casually drop things into the conversation like what was her last boyfriend like?, how would she feel about dating a non-disabled guy?, what's her ideal man like? If you're getting green lights on questions like these, then try asking her out for a meal or something.
Take it slow and don't pressurize her. Let her control how fast it moves, and she will be able to build trust in you.
I really hope it works out for you guys, and three cheers for being so open-minded and caring.
2006-10-01 09:07:16 · answer #1 · answered by Fifi L'amour 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Before I can give you any type of advice, I would like to share an experience with you. I was at a bar once and there seemed to be some sort of a group of a few handicaped people. The one guy had something around his chest, I am not aware what it was and what it cured. Someone took his chair at the bar not knowing he is using it, so the guy threw a tantrum.. His friends joined and asked how come that other person did not see he has a handicap, he cant stand for long on his feet. I started talking to one of this guy's friends, a person without one leg. I really wanted to know something about handicaped people for long, and I saw the opportunity. My question was, if you offer your chair to a handicaped person, would he take it as an offence assuming you feel sorry for him and treating him like he is not good enough to just stand? And if you dont, would he think you are careless? He told me that is best to ignore the disability, but bare in mind that when a person really needs the chair, they will ask for it. I guess where I am going with this is that everyone would react different to the issue, and for some its best to make them feel that you do not pitty them, whilst for others its best to be most helpful. If the girl you speak about does not want to be pittied, that means she has the self-confidence of coping by herself, and if she feels uncomfortable in any way because of her handicap, then the problem is within herself, and whats best for you to do is to make her feel comfortable with herself. I suppose you have heard the popular saying: to be able to love someone, you must learn to love yourself. Once she does that, she won't reagard your relationship as a difficulty because of herself. I hope this helps!
2006-10-01 16:33:53 · answer #2 · answered by Q 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If her handicap is no issue for you than ask her out as you would a 'normal' able person.
She will (im sure) let you know where you stand as would any woman. Who knows maybe she likes you as well.
I think people who are in wheelchairs and have disabilities have to worry enough thereself about being excepted etc, let alone having being fancied by a man who too see's it as an issue.. i hope that is not the case.. and im reading between the lines wrong.. Good luck.. :)
2006-10-01 16:08:14 · answer #3 · answered by Baby Dee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say you confront the wheelchair issue by
(1) ignoring the emotional side of it - it is your issue - don't make her feel uncomfortable purely because of your discomfort - just throw yourself into the situation like the deep end of the pool and deal with it. She has figured out how to cope with it, so can you. She is the SAME as you
(2) being completely open about the PRACTICAL issues, like, if you go to the cinema, you might have to book the wheelchair slot in advance. Ask her straight up, she will know.
Like (you starting)
- wadyawanna do tonight?
- how bout cinema?
- sounds cool, what about seeing SomeFilm?
- yeah, that's fine, it's on at SomeCinema
- OK, I'll go get tix. Do you know if i have to book in the wheelchair or not?
- yeah in that one you do, not in OtherCinema
- well why don't we go there instead?
- ok. We could have sex first.
- rocknroll!
2006-10-01 16:01:06 · answer #4 · answered by wild_eep 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To me it sounds you are in love with her, but what is worrying is that you think this is freaky.
You love the girl, so nothing else should matter. Her handicap is your handicap, you feel that by being her friend, or lover is a great favour you are doing for her.
However, it is quite the opposite you are scared to get involved with her cause what other people think.
If you love a person, whatever her situation, you will make sacrfices, and dedicate yourself to the person, whatever situation she is in.
Do not look at the person's disabilities, look at the person they are and talk to them, as you would expect to be talked to. Express your feelings, and things will be told in all honesty.
She can then only love you, or just be your friend. Be who you are, and let her be who she is, A WOMAN.
2006-10-01 16:05:27 · answer #5 · answered by kirsun10 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most guys have to screw up courage to ask a girl out whether they are in a wheelchair or not. You may make her the happiest girl in the world or she may be freaked out - just the same as if you asked any girl out or told her your feelings. I must admit, I feel for you guys, it must an incredibly difficult thing to do. Personally I think that because you are already thinking 'beyond the chair' you are incredibly special guy and she would be mad to turn you down!
Start by asking her out to lunch - that's not too hard is it!
2006-10-01 16:00:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ask the girl for a date, whats the problem. Disabled people are just normal people, normal rules apply.
2006-10-01 16:03:36 · answer #7 · answered by bowmanhlrc 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be bold and brave and ask her for a date she may be waiting for you to do it already !! Everything else will fall into place. Good luck
2006-10-01 15:57:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just ask, and if she says no for whatever reason then let her know that you really want to be with her and you will be waiting if she changes her mind.
2006-10-01 15:55:03 · answer #9 · answered by Trix 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why would you care muchbout her handicap?
go and ask her out for date, who knows she might interested?
2006-10-01 15:54:04 · answer #10 · answered by madpianist_hahaha 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋