me and my boyfriend have been together off and on for 5 years now we were never serious about each other until a couple of years ago but its hard for us to trust each other because we messed around with a lot of people when we were younger we live in 2 different states and i dont know what to do because i really am ready to spend my life with him and have something real with him how can we gain our trust within each other ?
2006-10-01 07:22:44 · 14 answers · asked by sara s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Trust is so hard to regain after it is broken. But if you are both truly committed to the relationship, honestly want to make things work, and feel that it really CAN work, then I would say yes it can work.
You must both talk to each other and be completely honest and open about things in regards to the relationship, what you both feel you need from each other, and what you hope to gain from the relationship itself.
If you both believe in the relationship, don't let the past ruin the future.
2006-10-01 07:26:33 · answer #1 · answered by Momma2007 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, before you assume that you're ready for something real with him, look at your last sentence.......how can we gain our trust within each other?
it might help if you tried living in the same state first. not in the same dwelling, but in the same city. experience dating him when you both carry on your lives independently, while in the same zipcode. Only then can you gauge all those character issues. People will be forced to behave if they're living under the same roof -- and then a whole other can of worms develops if they are having issues with that. So, it seems preferred to live nearby. Do you have concerns about him? Or, are you finding that your fears are no longer necessary.
Only after you've had those experiences, does it seem likely that you can make decisions like happily ever after, with any reasonable chance of success. good luck!
2006-10-01 14:28:02 · answer #2 · answered by amuse4you 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing I can tell you is with time you will know. You can't expect a damaged relationship just start off how it used to be at one point. If you don't trust each other now and get into a relationship right away then it will never work. Give each other time and keep the communication open. If one person feels insecure about what the other is doing then it should be talked about and not ridiculed.
Let him know how you feel about your relationship and the next step. See how he takes it and allow him to come to his own conclusion. (NO PRESSURE) Good Luck. Sara
2006-10-01 14:29:35 · answer #3 · answered by * Wishfulthinker * 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try this golden rule:
If you love someone, let him go
If he comes back, hes yours
If he doesn't, he was never yours at the first place.
I know its going to hurt if he doesn't come back but then I don't think u ll b happy with a person who doesnt like you.....for a long term relationship both sides need to have that passion, that need for each other...otherwise it doesnt work for a long time...
and if you say u r around for 5 years, then I m sure he loves you...
Please note: While testing, please dont try or say anything that will hurt him or else you might lose him.
2006-10-01 14:30:45 · answer #4 · answered by Amit D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is something that will just have to grow back...my ex cheated on me and it took me a long time to learn to trust men in general..and sometimes i have a hard time trusting my hubby...but then i realize that he would never hurt me like my ex did...one of you just has to take the first step and say "i love you and i do trust you but the thought is always in the back of my mind",,,and kind of go from there...i really hope that helps you out....
2006-10-01 14:26:57 · answer #5 · answered by Heather V 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
trust and respect is something you have to earn,maybe in time the both of you will realize that with out trust there can be no meaningful relationship;the two of you have to learn to relay on each other again
2006-10-01 14:27:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no quick fix. It takes a long time of being faithful to ever regain trust once it has been lost. There's no time like the present to start. Ask him to help you regain his trust.
2006-10-01 14:26:12 · answer #7 · answered by delmaanna67 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont really think its possible. do u still mess with other ppl? if u dont, then just one possible way is to get closer to each other, dont be a part, cuz its not gona be good. just talk to him what does he really wants to do? does he want to be with or what are his plans for future with you. if he wants the same as you do, then be with him. love builds on trust. if you really love him, no matter what he did, just believe him, its hard, but thats just what u gotta do. thats real love. good luck.
2006-10-01 14:28:07 · answer #8 · answered by crazy-in-love 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is any way you two could live closer together that would help a lot.
2006-10-01 14:24:59 · answer #9 · answered by faybe 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you have to build trust over a period of time
2006-10-01 14:25:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋