I know that a lot of the times, before a person deploys, that they become distant from the people that care about them most. As I have several friends with husbands in the military, I was told to expect this a long time ago. While I don't have a husband in the military, I DO have a best friend in the military. We've always been close for years, and he is like a big brother to me. He is leaving VERY soon. My problem is, lately, he has been acting in the most hurtful way. I know that he is busy, so I can understand the lack of communication; however, he has also been saying the most hurtful things ever. It's like he is deliberately being mean and obnoxious. He has always been a very sweet person, and has NEVER acted this way before. How can I be there for him and try to help him through what has to be a very hurtful time, without at the same time sacrificing my feelings? I want to stand by him, but it's tearing me up when he says the things he does.
2006-10-01 06:55:37 · 15 answers · asked by Sassy 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
But if I kept my distance, wouldn't it be unsupportive of me?
2006-10-01 07:00:34 · update #1
In this case, the harder they push away the more they love you.
2006-10-01 06:57:36 · answer #1 · answered by Teacher Man 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am the wife of a soldier-and I can tell you, every single deployment has been like that!! It seems to be a very common occurance since all of my other Army wife friends complain about this as well!! Bickering, fighting, last minute binge drinking...I think this stems from feelings of fear, and anticipated seperation. In a weird way they think if they can build up a wall around themselves, this will make it easier to leave those they care about! He is doing this because he cares about you, the best thing to do for him is be there...through all of it!! This is most likely the most stressful situation he will ever have to endure and he needs his friends and family-even if it seems he is pushing you away. Let him know you care, and you support him, and be there for him during the deployment-send letters, care packages-but don't be upset if you do not hear from him often, they are extremly busy over there! He will appreciate the constant contact, and your old friend will show himself again-I promise!! I hope this helps, and know you are not alone!! My prayers go out to your friend for a safe return!! Feel free to contact me if you need to talk!
2006-10-01 14:20:46 · answer #2 · answered by lilbit1231 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This may be his way of preparing for the separation.
Do not take it personal!!!!
Just be there for him.
Just tell him no matter how much of a horses PATOOTIE!! he is being,,,,,,,you will always be there when he wants it... Don't forget to write even if you don't get a letter back. Just keep writing.
PS I have a son in Basic Training, many times the letters you send if not addressed JUST RIGHT get returned to you. I know I have had 7 of my 12 returned for putting the wrong Company letter on them... MY BAD!! ;-) Anyway they need letters that shows your thinking of them. Send NO FOOD!!! And just keep them up on current events. They can't have newspapers or Magazines, But you can photocopy things for them to read. Short notes are great!! This is better than getting nothing. Oh and don't forget LOTS OF PICTURES!! No Nudes tho!! ;-) When in the military,,, Mail is a highlight of the soldiers day!
2006-10-01 14:26:58 · answer #3 · answered by kitkatish1962 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
gotta understand he is goin to be gone for a year or more and is gonna be in the worst spot that is in the army. he knows that if he is thinking about home and missing his friends and family too much than he may get shot. he is peobably nervouse as hell id be scard outta my mindif i knew i was goin to the desert half way around the world and have a good chance of getting killed. id ry to harden myself too so i doint get all sappy and stuff. when he gets back he will be better dont worry he is tryin to save himself and you. becasue he probably thinks its better you be mad and not cry for him if he dies than go into a depression if he dies because you will miss him. its all an attempt to save you and him some heartache and also there is alot of stress to deal with that will take a toll on anyone if they let it and he probably just cant handle the stress is all just tell him that you are sad that he is leaving and give him a big hug and tell him you are there for him anyway
2006-10-01 14:01:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Most likely he's stressed out. Mentally, he's already left. I assume he's young and still a little immature -- so yes, he is acting like a jerk.
On the other hand, why do you think it's your job to "help him through"? This is something he has to work out for himself. Be there if he wants support, leave him alone if he doesn't, and don't take any junk -- tell him, 'I know that you're undergoing a stressful time, but that doesn't give you the right to [fill in the blank]. I'm here if you want me, but if you continue to treat me [another blank] I'm leaving / hanging up / logging off now'...
2006-10-01 14:05:29 · answer #5 · answered by gerardw 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Emotional setup
he is little bit deviated from balance
it happens with every human being(Home sickness)
some r more reactionary other can control ntheir feeling well
so try to calm him down by staying in touch with him
he shld never feel lonliness
try to write letter
i dnt know much
2006-10-01 14:00:56 · answer #6 · answered by rav 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's just a defence mechanism. Leave him alone for a while. After he deploys send him a letter and maybe a care package.
2006-10-01 13:58:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i know what your feeling and going through. my husband is leaving this week for 7 months and he is doing the same thing. i dont know why they do it. and it does hurt. alot. i wish i had more advice for you but i dont i guess they want to disconnect so i doesnt hurt when its time to leave the ones they love.
2006-10-01 15:05:54 · answer #8 · answered by kleighs mommy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say to keep your distance he is pobably a little nervous...men act different than women when nervous or scared about something. Just wait for him to come around he may need to be onhis own for awhile.
2006-10-01 14:14:00 · answer #9 · answered by LadyL 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is distancing himself from you for his own reasons. He is probably thinking that in the event something happens to him while he is deployed, and he has sufficiently distanced himself from you and your friendship, you will be hurt less. In effect, he is thinking that he is protecting your feelings from getting hurt as much, should something happen to him.
2006-10-01 14:03:34 · answer #10 · answered by dathinman8 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's his way of dealing with the stress of a pending deployment. Some people shop, some people drink. Have you told him that he's being a jerk? He might not realize it.
2006-10-01 15:00:31 · answer #11 · answered by DOOM 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋