Me n my man been dating for almost a year... and we have had many arguments because he is soooo jealous,controlling and insecure.
Yesterday we went to the cinema and b4 the film started i went to the toilet,when i came back he was very moody and distant with me,so i asked him half way through the movie what was wrong with him, he then went MAD and started accusing me of flirting with some guys, he told me he followed me to the toilet and he saw me talking and flirting with some other guys!! WTF, i swore i never did that, i didnt even talk to anyone!! He then went crazy and threatened to take my bag and run of with it if i didnt admit to him the "Truth"... i know i didnt do anything wrong and he was so adament that he saw me!!
He made me cry so much and scream! He took cellphones and im sick and tired of his accusations, i know he doesnt trust me, what the hell is wrong with him, we both love each other and we are together everyday! what am i supose 2 do?
2006-10-01 06:02:55 · 49 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Its sooooo hard to break up with him because i love him, hes my first love and my best friend, i just dont know what to do... :(
2006-10-01 06:09:39 · update #1
He is very good looking aswell.. lots of women fancy him, so i dont get why he is so insecure, but i cant even walk down the street with him without him accusing me of flirting or looking at another man, he calls me names (eg -whore, ****, slag ) and it hurts so much!
2006-10-01 06:14:10 · update #2
Put him an ultimatum: either he gives you more trust or you'll leave him. However, if he doesn't trust you because of something that you've done in the past, you need to talk things over. Regardless though, your relationship will NOT last as long as he doesn't trust you. He's already hurting you because he believes that you are going to go with someone else even though he doesn't have proof. Imagine how things will be like once you two are married: He wouldn't even let you go to work outside just so that you don't start looking at other people. So without trust, there is no respect, and with no respect, there is no foundation for a serious relationship, and if you want to improve your relationship, you'd need to convince him one way or another that you're not like a hummingbird, going from flower to flower.
2006-10-01 06:16:13 · answer #1 · answered by Tony Walls 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi with him being your first love then of course its going to be hard for you. I would normally say break up with him. But you wont need to if you can talk to him and tell him what he is like. He is treating you like crap and he needs to control his anger and mental issues, may be you could go with him to see a counsellor. I would tell him that if he keeps behaving this way you will leave him as he shouldnt treat you like this. Just think what would happen if your dad or brothers found out how he is with you. When he does it record what he says to you on your mobile phone without him knowing. Then let him listen to it when he calms down. He needs to sort something out as he sounds like he is a paranoid sysophrenic or something he might not know he has this problem. My cousins boyfriend is the same they live together and he wont give her any money, he wont let her come down to see her parents alone, he went mad because she used 40p to get some cough sweets because she had a cold. He also accuses her of seeing other men even though he is with her all the time. Its a type of illness. She has left him now as she has a little girl and a new born baby and it was inapropriate all the arguements but if he gets help now it will be fine.
2006-10-01 07:57:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First love or not, you need to dump this "controlling" whatever you want to call him. This kind of relationship always turns physically abusive with you being the punching bag. He will end up doing that to you if you stay with him.What he is doing is NOT love. A true love won't do that to a person they love. He will apoligize for what he does, but he don't mean it and he WILL do it again and again and again. Please get rid of this guy and find someone better. There ARE better out there. You deserve the best man in your life. And the man in your life right now is not a real man. He IS psycho. Big time.
2006-10-01 07:50:03 · answer #3 · answered by dreamer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run. Run for the hills. Keep running.
This bloke is trouble, and dangerous trouble at that. How long before he gets so jealous he hits you, or worse.
Please believe someone who's been there, until he gets a grip on his jealousy and insecurity he is a threat to you and your well-being. It's easy to think that he's so jealous because he loves you so much, but it's not true. If he loved you he would not call you names and would trust you that even if you chatted to another man all night that there was nothing more to it.
He is controlling because he wants to possess you, and possessions are things not people. It is a short road to becoming a 'thing' (i.e. not human) to him, and people are capable of great cruelty when they have de-humanized a person.
Please leave this man.
2006-10-01 06:41:16 · answer #4 · answered by Fifi L'amour 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, I would consider your definition of love, on your part and his. Is your definition of love a useful concept to invoke in this situation? It is a far different concept than mine.
More specifically, if you care about this boy, then do what you can to get him to seek help. Do not shield his behavior from others. Make him accountable for his acts. In other words, don't cover for him. Be careful. Men in this state of jealousy often have it for months or even a lifetime. He will likely become violent in the near future.
The dynamics of his problem are involved and impossible to describe in a short space, and you will not be able to deal with them alone anyway. It will take far more people and authority figures for him to consider even the possibility that he is acting abnormally and harmfully.
I would advise you to never be with him alone, and tell him you do not feel safe with him. Make him regain your trust over weeks or months, if he desires. He may work through this stage, but not without consequences to him.
Don't trust him. DO NOT TRUST HIM. Perhaps you can trust him again in the future. For now, be with him only in public. Don't even get in a car alone with him. You might think he won't hurt you know, but your continued relationship with him (at least for a while) will only fuel the problem.
You might consider counseling for yourself. That's no slam. You may need help in dealing with your strong feelings for someone who is such an emotional powderkeg. It's going to get worse before it gets better.
2006-10-01 06:14:38 · answer #5 · answered by Nick â? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i can really understand how ur feeling but u have to weigh up wot is best for u. stay wiv him and take all that abuse or leave the man that u love. him abusing u is hurting u and damaging u and hitting ur self esteem badly and isn`t likely to change. leaving him will hurt u but then u have a future ahead of u that u could build on. lots of people including me have dumped someone or been dumped for want of a better word and yes it hurts tremendously but u do get over it. be kind to urself and give urself a future. so sorry if its not wot u want to hear but i see no other choice for u
2006-10-01 10:34:20 · answer #6 · answered by graham f 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is a control freak and really insecure!he will not change ever.the best thing you can do is get out now.i now this is not want you want to hear,but ,all i can tell you is that i am a 38 year old man and have met many people like this both men and woman.i dont know how old you are but i would guess you are in your early 20's.take my word for it.he probably does think he loves you but cant just leave it at that and is trying to protect himself against his own insecurity.get shot sooner rather than later,the best for both of you.
2006-10-01 06:14:18 · answer #7 · answered by Px 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's obvious this guy loves you so much! he doesn't mean to be this way with you. I think he is scared of losing you or it's something to do with his past why he is like this. His past girlfriends may have cheated on him and it's turned him into a like control freak! he may not be able to control his ways but your reassurance and love and care will mean the world to him. Show him and talk to him as well as tell him all the time how much he means to you and you want to be with him forever. If you love this guy that much tell him everyday he is your world and your everything it will mean alot i think. good luck and i hope you work things out x
2006-10-01 08:10:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you will have to sit him down and talk calmly to him explaining that you are starting to get worried with his behaviour. Stress that you love him so much and that he is your best friend and if he continues being agressive say that he is scaring you and that a life-time relationship cant be built on fear.
I truly feel sorry for you cos you are trying to bring back the old boyfriend.
Good luck - let us all know how it goes.
2006-10-01 06:29:48 · answer #9 · answered by theoldecrone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you love him but then tell him you cant be with someone that doesn't trust you in other words break up.
Relationships is hard enough, he will not stop doing the things he is doing he might try but its not going to work. This is a lesson he is going to have to learn the hard way.
Good luck
2006-10-01 06:26:03 · answer #10 · answered by rissienr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋