All my life, i've been trying hard to get her attention, aproval or a slight gesture of love, after all she seems to love everyone else why not me? im her daughter. She has never told me she hates me, since i was little all i heard was "im not saying i dont love you, im just saying i dont like you" or "im bad and mean to you cuz you have more guts than yor brother", or things like "why dont you just go away", nothing that i do is enough for her, everything about me seems to disgust her. I'm a hard working woman, and a single proud parent, i've had certain money problems and she has helped me, but thats as close as i get to a gesture of kindness from her, she has always been like that with me, im 29, and now i realize that all of my insecurities are based on the fact that she has always rejected me. How can i just get her out of my system? i dont want to hate her, but i also dont want to love her, i think there is a limit, and she has done a lot of psycologycal damage already
2006-10-01 05:43:35 · 8 answers · asked by MaG 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She loves you , maybe she is not happy herself. Some people love and yet have a difficult time showing it. Others feel to show love is a sign of weakness.
2006-10-01 05:49:51 · answer #1 · answered by Sugar 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first things first... This is not all that unusual. I had precisely this problem with my father. I wondered why he sent me away to a bording school at seven years old. I grew to really dislike him because of it. As time past I came to realise he did me a huge favor. I didn't learn any parenting skills from him. None at all, because he was a tyranical bastard. Hmmmm, ok - so maybe it was a really good thing I was sent away.
Anyway, now I have my own children and I love them as much as a human being ever can, and I tell them so every day. And this is really where the answer is. What your parents think of you is pretty much their problem. I still love the old bastard, but I expect nothing in return and have absolutely no problem with that. In the meantime I will give my kids every bit of love they can hold, because when all is considered that is all that matters.
It sometimes takes us a lifetime to relise that our parents are fallible too. Almost as fallible as we are ourselves. I don't worry about their imperfections, or even question why the SOB is so misguided. It simply doesn't matter anymore.
One last thought... In my relationship with my wonderful son I have the greatest bond a man can ever have. What a fool my father was to miss out on such a thing!
2006-10-01 13:00:01 · answer #2 · answered by j_f_sebastian82 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you that I have a similar relationship with my mom. It tore ma apart for quite a long time. She has been controlling and manipulative my whole life.
I married and she hated my spouse.
One day, when I saw her repeating her behavior with my children I decided enough was enough. I decided that I did not care what a mean, selfish and sad person thought of me. I have nough people in my life who know what a great person I am. Not to say that it hasn't;t been difficult sometimes. But now what I feel for her more than anything is pity.
We do not choose our family. You do not have to like them. They can be as different from you as a perfect stranger. You are under no obligation to love her or even like her for that matter. It sounds to me like she is venting her anger and frustrations at life on you which is unfair.
The good news is that your being aware of how horrible she was to you as a child, should help you be a better parent. You know how it was to feel unloved by the one person who should love you. Take that and flip it. Make sure your child/children know how much you love them.
That is a gift she gave. An example of how not to be.
2006-10-01 12:53:08 · answer #3 · answered by Amy Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is so sad to me and I feel for you and what you've been through. Be proud of yourself and the woman you've become. You have your own child now and have the ability to show your child all the love, praise and affection you didn't get. Counseling is a great way to work through the pain and mental pain she's caused you. I went to counseling for a similar reason. I grew up with a bi-polar mother and an angry father who found fault in anything anfd everything I did. The counseling really helped me move forward and get rid of the nightmares and insecurities my childhood caused. I wish you all the best and like I said. Be proud of yourself and love yourself for the unique individual that you are. Your Mom is really missing out on something that could be wonderful...a loving relationship with her daughter. That is not your fault..remember that!
2006-10-01 12:53:25 · answer #4 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but your Mom has a problem. All I can suggest is that you print out a copy of the words you've written here, and hand her the paper. Or, hand it to her and go to work or for a drive, or even mail it to her. This way, it will give her time to think about it. If she ends up being hateful to you, "then" try letting her find out what it's like to not have you or your child in her life....let her "miss" you for awhile. And if she's a Mother at all, she'll eventually realize tha pain she's inflicted on you, and perhaps she'll come around and apologize for her actions. Good luck & God bless.
2006-10-01 13:36:37 · answer #5 · answered by Republican!!! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to speak to a counselor. We can all give you kinds of advice, but nothing for something as serious as this.
It sounds like she has been harder on you to make you "amount to more" but I think her efforts are misguided.
Something I have done in my life, is that I have found mother figures at work or church or other places.
Good luck.
2006-10-01 13:16:15 · answer #6 · answered by Beth M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to a psychiatrist now. Life is too short. You deserve your own life without feeling responsible for her baggage. Good luck.
2006-10-01 12:45:25 · answer #7 · answered by Teacher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
temperaraly isolat your self than see how she reacts it could be that she haas know way to express her love for you until she figurs out that she really misses you . and as for your insecurety its your life and you can do anything that you put your mind to and don't let anyone tell you other wise.
P.S. at least you still have a mother
2006-10-01 12:54:39 · answer #8 · answered by Riklionheart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋