We are due to be married next year after 19 years together but lately i just seem to find fault with everything he does or says. I suggested putting off wedding till 2008, he said no then he says ok we will wait, but to be honest im not sure if i really love him any more and im not sure if he really wants to get married. Most of my friends are now married and i feel as if he just proposed to me to make me happy. .Please help as we are at each others throats at the min. We are so stressed out.
2006-10-01 05:20:33 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It sounds like marriage is something that has never been important to either of you and that you are doing it as you feel that its what you are 'supposed' to do.
Ha sit occurred to you that its trhe upcoming marriage that is putting the strain on your relationship. With so much tpo organise and worry about. What is the point if its not something that you feel is essential to your relationship.
Perhaps think about cancelling it and see whether your relationship improves. Don't worry that everyone else is married, everyone is different and it sounds like you don't need to be married to enjoy your relationship[ as you have done for the last 19 years.
Whatever happens, the best of luck honey xxx
2006-10-01 05:35:09 · answer #1 · answered by kerrykinsmalosevich 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My personal opinion is that marriage can make or break couples.
I can't ever see myself getting married as I don't believe in making a contract out of my love for someone. Although getting married shows commitment, it is lawfully binding. I chose to show my commitment by the exchange of rings as though I were engaged to that person - is that not saying the same thing?
To legally bind yourself to someone is a daunting and overwhelming prospect.
Without this proposal would you still have been happy with him? You say that you're not sure that you are still in love with him. This raises 2 questions in my mind. Why would he ask you to marry him because he wants to make you happy? If you don't love him, then its counter mount to making you leave him.
Secondly, after 19 years most couples have already divorced, the very fact that you're still together shows some strength to your relationship. Why put it in jeopardy now?
If you go through with it, with the doubts that you have, it could end up very nasty.
If you continue the way you have been for 19 years, with no pressure on each other, maybe you can go back to what you had.
Marriage is an unnecessary pressure which affects too many people into ruining what was perfectly good.
2006-10-01 05:46:24 · answer #2 · answered by sammi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if this is causing stress, then maybe it's not a good idea. If it is time to move on, then marriage will not hold it together, it will simply complicate the break-up. You may not feel the same spark that you did 19 years ago, but is there anything else in your life that has kept it's shine for 19 years? This may simply be your reaction against changing something you are both comfortable with. Maybe you should find out exactly why he wants to get married.
2006-10-01 05:32:41 · answer #3 · answered by Joe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only get married if you really want to, make sure you do truly love him. After being with someone so long you are probably going to find faults and get on each others nerves occasionally. relationships go through phases and bad patches you just got to ride thought them and take the bad with the smooth. You don't have to be married to show you commitment to each other, 19 years shows that clearly so don't do it just because you both think you should. I have know couple who have been together years and never got married as they just didn't feel it was right for them and couples who have got married after 10 years because they had always wanted to. Do whats right for you and if you are arguing lots at the moment sit down with your partner and try to find the reason why.
Good luck!
2006-10-01 05:28:06 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see you have some good answers below, but I would like
to point out that you do not mention children, Yours/His or
from both. This could change a few answers. I am married
for the third time, four kids from first, one from second, and
none with current wife, which I am officially married as in the
last two cases. Have divorces from last two, but was still
having problems with kids and inheritance, so we married to get things straight and clear, we are happy and are not willing to accept impositions. Now everything is clear cut for all to understand. In your case, with or without kids, my vote is for you to get married and live happily ever. Tell him this or otherwise, but you must have a common decision. I do not know what the law
will decide in a separation, but it seems that after 19 years you
should be in consensual agreement, if notarised or not.
2006-10-01 06:26:45 · answer #5 · answered by Ricky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry him just because everybody else is doing it. If he proposed just to make you happy then I would say that he does really love you. You need to have a heart to heart with yourself and decide if you really love him. If your both happy not being married keep it that way. Just be aware if anything ever happens to him you lose all rights to say what needs to be done or what happens if your not married. Same goes for him. Good Luck on your soul searching.
Remember it's just a piece of paper.
Just talking about marriage causes stress,so quit talking and do it now if that is what you want. Once it's over you'll both be back to normal.
2006-10-01 05:34:52 · answer #6 · answered by unicornfarie1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess the question you have to ask yourself is: Are you still in love with him or do you just love him out of habit??
I suppose after 19 years, its very easy to fall into a habitual compassionship relationship.
Only you will know if marriage is the right thing for you or not but my advice would be not to rush into anything until ur 100% sure. Maybe its just nerves or the fear of the unknown?
Even if u do postpone the wedding, at least it will ease the tension in the home and hopefully u guys will stop fighting!
Good luck whatever you decide to do! x
2006-10-01 05:26:07 · answer #7 · answered by sweetfemaleattitudeuk2076 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In most states you are what is known as common law spouses already. A marriage now will only legitimize 19 years together.
Go for it and do it soon. Enough with the cold feet for both of you. After 19 years nothing will change other than your legal status and a few tax breaks you will both get.
2006-10-01 05:25:46 · answer #8 · answered by my_iq_135 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-04-22 09:30:17 · answer #9 · answered by dann 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. Do you know that you are supposed to follow your intuitions, as it is never far from the truth. It's been 19 years so why get married now, don't get me wrong nothing before its time i really do believe that. If your intended other half as only proposed to make you happy, then something is not right. Will he be happy? That is the ? you both need to ask yourselves.
2006-10-01 05:42:21 · answer #10 · answered by classychick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋