problems w. parents...please help.?

Question

how do you guys deal with your parents? i know they just want whats best for you, but sometimes my parents just go overboard. they are so over protective, they don't even let me walk down my drive way, or up my street because there afraid a rapist or something will come out of no where and kidnapp me. they wont accep the fact that i'm almost 16, that i need a permit to drive to school and work and tennis lessons and music lessons..its not a privelidge (as they say it is,) its more of a help to them, so they dont have to drive me everywhere. apart from the permit stuff, there just soo strict with going out and stuff..i talk to them, but they dont know half my life because i can't tell them anything becuase theyll flare up at me and just shoot me down (with words), which ends the convo. that happens like 99% of the time. ...how do you guys deal with your parents?? help

Answer 1

Well, been there, done that !!

Here's what's going on. Your parents still view you as a child. You are going to have to teach them about the person you are now becoming. Show them that you can make responsible decisions and slowly they will begin to see the image you project. Sowly, the little girl they love will begin to look like a young adult to them.

Remind them that your grades are up, your homework is done and that you cleaned up your room without any reminders. Dress like a young adult (this helps greatly because it is visual). Come home on time. Be where you say you are going to be. Call to touch base so they know you are still alive. (Your parents fear "what could happen" and rightly so. Just watch the news any given day.) Do the things that make them see that you can make a responsible decision for their child, even if that child is you.

Driving is a privilige no matter what age you are because it implies responsibility. No drunk driving, regardless of age. No not following the rules of the road, regardless of age. No running red lights, regardless of age.

Look into agencies that teach driving. Get a driver's handbook and study it. Find out about the Defensive Driving Class, take it, and get an insurance discount. Research insurance rates for children living at home. (MIne carried my girl for no increase while she had her permit. She even had an accident in my car, I was there, and they paid no questions asked.) When she got her license her payment was $100.00 per month when I added her car to my policy.

Find out the rates for taking driving lessons and sit down at the table with all the information written down in front of you. Tell your parents what lessons cost, insurance costs, and how you plan to pay for this. (You can barter chores: do the lawn on weekends, wash the cars, whatever.)

Irrelevant hint: When you do get a job, stick with it. Future employers want to see longevity.

Tell your parents that you are growing up but you do not want them out of your life. Tell them you are going to need their love and support to take the next steps into adulthood. Speak with respect. If they react, just listen. Think a minute ..calmly.......and then respond. You respond. Do not react back. This is maturity, and it is hard to miss when you see it.

You are not going to make rapid progress at first. They need to realize that you are not trying to set yourself against them, what you are doing is advocating for the person you are becoming.

This is a time when a child teaches a parent. You can teach them to trust or you can scare the hell out of them and live in lock down. Be the Teacher.

Answer 2

As a parent, I worry about my children's safety. One of the best things I've ever done was attend a "child safety" seminar conducted by an expert in the field when my oldest was still a baby. It opened my eyes to a lot of dangers I was unaware of. For example, never approach a car to give directions, as an abductor can pull you in through the open window you are standing by. So my advice to you, is to ask your parents to find some resources (seminars, books, dvds) that you can learn from as a family. Once, they see that you know how to keep safe, they'll probably be more willing to give you a little more independence. As far as driving, it is a privilege. And it is also important to let a teen have time behind the wheel to hone their skills. I didn't really drive until I was 18, and really wish I would have had those two years of driving experience. One last thing, you said you don't tell your parents "half (your) life." Trust and communication go hand in hand. If you are keeping things from your parents, it's going to be hard for them to trust.

Answer 3

i know you are not going to want to hear this but , you asked ,just put yourself in your parents shoes for a minute or better yet try to imagine you have a child & what it would do to you if you lost that child . it is so amazing to be loved that much, you must be so very special to them. right now i know it is hard on you but just give it a few more months & they will let up some. a 16 yr. old was killed this week trying to pass in a no passing lane & killed a mother with a 2 mo. old baby .he had cut school , so see your parents are not too old to remember how it was . are you involved in a church group. most of the church groups do lots of fun things with their youth. i suggest you look into this & while you are at it praise god for parents that care about you instead of not being there at all for you. you are so blessed ,may god help you to realize this ,in his name

Answer 4

I strongly believe that a family therapist will be able to successfully lead the three of you through all these land mines. But, if this is not a possibility, you all need to sit down at the table together when you have at least an hour to work on this, turn off all phones, and not allow any interruptions. You start by writing down the three most important things you want to have changed. Your parents should agree to listen - and I emphasize LISTEN - to what you have written and what you want to discuss. If your parents can acknowledge your requests, then write them down in a contract. Equally, your parents write down three things that they want you to do for them. You must agree to listen - LISTEN - to them. Talk to each other. Discuss with each other. And if you can agree, write down their three requests in a contract. All parties must sign and date the contract and agree to follow it no matter what. At the end of an hour (or more if needed) agree to have another meeting as soon as possible. If you cannot come to any decisions at first, agree to disagree and start again at the next meeting. Good luck!

Answer 5

Wow your parents sound like mine. I am turning 15 and I have yet to get out of my house. I am considered antisocial because of that. My advice would be to calmly talk to your parents about it and try to convince them that you should have your freedom. Tell them that they do have a point but let them know that you are smart enough to know the dangers of your actions and that you wouldn't do anything to put yourself in a dangerous situation. I hope you don't want to go out at night by yourself (walking down a street) because that will attract trouble.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope it works!!

Let me know what happens so I can try it with my parents!!!

Answer 6

Do you know what it is that is causing them to freak? Did something happen to you or a sibling? It sounds like they are reacting to something.

Talk to an older relative or someone that they will listen to about the problem. My argument to them would be that they brought you up correctly, why don't they trust that you will retain the knowledge when you are out of their sight? They also have to let you earn freedoms (& their trust) and they are not allowing you to do so.

Good luck!

Answer 7

you're going through the same situation loads of people have gone through before. you'll respect them and thank them for it when you're older but right now it feels like they're being pains in the arses. why don't you sit them down and try to come to a compromise. if you can use the car then you'll only use it for school and your music lessons etc and not for going out with friends and recreational purposes. it is actually a privilege and when you realise this your parents may be more lenient due to you being more mature.

Answer 8

It all depends on the situation i well help if you need it, im 13 almost 14 and have problems with my dad if you can IM me at mi1morgan

Answer 9

i just did the best i could and when i was 18 i went my own way for better or worse and i always told them i loved them and i fought them with the argument that at some point in time they would have to let me go, so tell them how it makes u feel and ask them to give u the chance that u are the good child they raised. when i went my own way i made it just that. no running home for held. so good luck

Answer 10

You need an adult you can confide in. If not your parents, speak with your guidance counselor at school who will help stear you in the right direction.