Any good anecdotes about foreigners and the funny things they say in English?

Question

First, you should check out the site Engrish.com...

I am thinking about my husband right now...he speaks Spanish, but is trying REALLY hard to master English. He loves to talk, and sometimes he says things that make me laugh my guts out.

Instead of saying: "He takes medicine", he says: "He drink pills"...
Instead of saying: "Sorry, sir, but you are mistaken" he says: "Sorry, guy, but you are confusion"
Instead of saying: "I, too, am incorrect", he says: "I not right, too"
Instead of saying "I want to commit suicide", he says: "I want kill me by myself"
Instead of saying "She loved me", he says: "She was love me".
Instead of saying "I'm not hungry", he says: "I not have hungry"
Instead of saying "I won't pay anything", he says: "I not will pay nothing"
I don't know..this just makes me laugh until I cry.

Ahhhhahahahah!
You guys are making laugh my guts out! I needed a good laugh! Here's another one: My neighbor just got her first job as an elementary school teacher. She wanted to tell the class to take their "pencil sharpeners" out of their desks, which is "sacapuntas" in spanish. When she tried to explain it in spanish to her students, she said "sacaPUTAS", which means "prostitute taker-outer" hahaha!

ohhh i am crying..these responses are so funny. I just had to extend this.

Answer 1

Swenglish,

"Nothing sucks like an Electrolux." - Vacuum cleaner add that didn't turn out as it should.
"My car has a 'fart' control." - 'fart' means speed and the car had a cruise control.
"I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart and my wife wishes to thank you with her bottom as well!"
"The door went fast with such a 'smell' so I understood that there must be a 'drag' in the room." - 'smell' sounds like the Swedish smäll witch means bang, and 'drag' is the word for draft.
"Comb your 'whore'." - 'whore' sound like the word hår witch means hair.
"Have you got any 'piles'?" - pil in Swedish means dart and since the person asking wanted more than one dart it turned into 'piles'. (The Swedish word is pilar.)
"It´s been fine, but we had some troubles 'spoiling' the toilet." - 'spoiling' sound close to the Swedish word spola witch means flush.

Answer 2

Oh, there are many.

See, in Spain we pronounce Bus like "booze". So once someone asked me "How're you going to get home" and I answered "Im gonna take the bus (booze)". What???????

Another spanish guy was trying to explain why he came late to a meeting. He overslept. But he didn't know this word, so he translated directly a spanish saying into english, which states something like "the sheets of my bed were too heavy", meaning that someone actually oversleeps. Well, he said, "the sheets got stuck" and he pronounced sheets like "****"....

It works pretty well also with english speaking people trying to speak spanish. Once an american girl said in spanish "Me corre por el campo" instead of "Yo corro por el campo". The difference;

"Yo corro por el campo" means I'm running around the field, while saying "me corro" means I'm cuming around the field...

Answer 3

A Chinese diplomat at the U.S. embassy once raised a glass to give a toast and said "Up your bottoms!" in a very polite tone.
I was an ESL teacher in Poland. One of my colleagues asked for the Klatsch (not sure of spelling) to room 304, instead of Klutsch. She wanted the key. She asked for a female horse.

Answer 4

First of all, I admire anyone who speaks another language well enough to make these grammarian errors. Second, I see lots of "native born" speakers using grammar horribly. Third, there is a series of funny books called, "Anguished English" that include lots of items such as you offer. The funniest are typically signs to hotel guests. Here's one: Guests are forbidden to steal hotel towels, please. If you are not such a person to do such a thing, please ignore this sign."

Answer 5

My girlfriend is Polish. She sent me a text message once, "I have broken legs. I am OK" (twisted ankle). She sent me another text message, "You must forget me. How is your day?" (forgive). I finally told her that if she doesn't know a word in English and it is critical, write it in Polish and I will use my big dictionary. She was going to England and wrote, "I drive twelve hours after prom." Who did she go to a prom with? (I'm getting a bit jealous when I read that.) "Prom" is the Polish word for 'ferry'.

Answer 6

This one is the other way round. A friend of mine got her French a bit muddled up and she asked in a shop for "jam without condoms" when she meant "without preservatives"

Answer 7

I knew a greek woman who was always coming up with phrases that made us crack up...for example:
"hunchback" for "hatchback" (car)
will think of more. But my personal favorite...after caring for her newborn twins through a rough winter, someone called to ask her how she was doing. Her response: "I'm stir-fried!"