I made 3 poems for English class but i think this is the best.
Beloved
Far apart yet close
My beloved was always in my memory
This was what I wanted the most
For all of my eternity
My beloved was by my side
Helping me in the dark
But you were swept away by the tide
Leaving me in the dark
My life was forever lonely
My future is broken
I was lost in the dark, frighteningly
Nothing was left to be spoken
Those who live in reality are lucky
Those who die in reality are strange
This was the point of our reality
My beloved, there is nothing we can change
In reality my heart made mistakes
For no reason I was set free
I was never awake
Nor could I flee
My beloved would neither answer nor her could I sight
I had lost my time and I returned
I needed to be brought back in the light
But I know that someday my beloved would return
My voice did not reach my beloved
She was lost and for her I yearned
Where was my regarded beloved?
I know that someday she would return
2006-10-01 04:19:51 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Performing Arts
Kelly you are right! The project was to make a poem like Edgar Allan Poe would!
2006-10-01 06:43:51 · update #1
Have you written this your self!
very very good
2006-10-01 04:26:29 · answer #1 · answered by toietmoi 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wanted to like it, but the meter seems a little haphazard in most of the stanzas. That would be okay if the mixture of rhythm stayed consistent, but it doesn't. The second stanza starts by addressing the reader, then switches to addressing the beloved. That kind of messes up the flow for me. It seems like you added words just for the sake of making a rhyme, but the extra words violate the meter. I would choose one or the other. You could make a fine poem with meter but no rhyme, but if you are going to rhyme, it needs rhythm to make it flow. If I were your English teacher, I would have you cross the major hurdle that all writers must: I would ask you to re-write the same idea, but choose your meter more carefully.
I can feel the yearning in it, though, so it isn't completely off the mark.
2006-10-01 22:07:34 · answer #2 · answered by anyone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The intent is glorious. I do however think you worked too hard to rhyme...let's take the third verse...
My life was forever lonely....
My future broken.....
I felt the need to speak, only,
Nothing was left to be spoken...
Sometimes simple is better...uncomplicate the verses...it isn't necessary...poetry will flow from you.....let it. When you intentionally use poetic sounding words to give your work flavor, you oversaturate...poetry has to be you on paper....not what you think would make a good poem.....
2006-10-01 11:31:21 · answer #3 · answered by Ice 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Terrible. Antiquated language, mixed and improper use of tense, and far too much concentration on rhyme rather than rhythm.
Quit trying to write "poetry" as you think poetry should be written, and instead write something from the heart.
2006-10-01 11:29:11 · answer #4 · answered by Cynanon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A love lost. A good poem
2006-10-01 11:29:03 · answer #5 · answered by mysticideas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds a lot like an Edgar Allen Poe poem I read. Do you read his work?
2006-10-01 13:38:43 · answer #6 · answered by Kelly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My personal opinion of this is very good. I think it could be touched up a bit but besides that it is very good. It is imaginative and is sorta realistic fiction. It is touching if you think behing of what is all says. I like that in writing. Well good job! Hope you get it published! I got quite a few of mine published in a school poert book once. :)
2006-10-01 11:29:59 · answer #7 · answered by Sara V 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The dark gray sky showered away the blood on the drenched fields. Once green hills of hope, now heard the whispers of death. The anguished cries for help and salvation still echoed across the cold wind, while the red liquid that coursed through their bodies spilled and mixed with the large puddles of mud all around.
His arms were weak, but he would not stop. His trembling hands grabbed onto the loosened and wet earth, pulling himself towards her. Each move was excruciating, but he could not stop. Somehow, he found the strength he needed to move forward stored in his heart and soul. He crawled slowly, losing the feeling in his legs. He reached her and thanked the good above for this final chance. Placing his arm around her small body, he felt how cold she had become. Uncontrollable tears streaked down his dark face.
“My beloved,” his strained voice managed to say as he placed his head on her chest.
“I am here,” she whispered, all feeling slowly leaving her.
He pulled his head up and looked into the green eyes he had always adored. He could see the twinkle in them fading.
“I have...I failed thee,” he told her painfully, more tears spilling.
“Never...never...you...you are the reason...the reason...I was born...You are my purpose for...for which I live....I love thee with....with all...all my..heart...Never forget me....never...You...you are my light...the light in..in my eyes..,” she whispered to him, wishing she could feel him one last time.
“Thou own my heart, thou art my soul. I shall love thee forever...and then even more,” his voice becoming lower.
“Forever.... I shall... shall see thee once more.... forever..,” she said, knowing her time had come.
He kissed her once more, tasting the blood that spilled from her lips. He pulled back and looked at her bruised face. She gave him a small, weak smile, her life with him flashing before her.
“Together... forever... beloved...,” her final words drifting into the blistering wind, over the lonely hills, the life in her gone.
He saw the twinkle in her eyes disappear and began to sob softly, knowing she was gone. He kissed her once more, then laid his head back on her chest. He now knew how blessed he was for each day she had spent with him. He closed his eyes, laying in her arms, thanking God above for their last moment together. He was ready and with his final words he whispered the words to his slain love, “Together...for..eternity.”
The hills went silent as the sky began to cry harder.
2006-10-01 11:29:55 · answer #8 · answered by Duane G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think thats a great poem ur a good writer
2006-10-01 11:24:01 · answer #9 · answered by Pooh Bear 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
u made this poem by ur self ??
if so, yes , than i m impressed n if it's true than i hope ur beloved
may return to u . good luck!!
2006-10-01 12:01:57 · answer #10 · answered by twinky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your poem sucks
2006-10-01 12:47:12 · answer #11 · answered by class4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋