My daughters are only one year apart in age and the older one is very popular at School while her sister has not even one person to play with at recess and lunchtime. Her sister refuses to play with her or hang out with her at school as her friends don't want to. I have had many arguments with her about this and it's become a daily battle. Her sister is very sad and has to sit by herself at both recesses and lunchtime. This breaks my heart. Her Dad spoke to her Teacher about this and she said she would try to work out a buddy system such as pairing kids up or putting them into play groups (I'm talking about nine year olds here) However the Teacher either forgot or for some reason didn't try this so we are back to square one.
What do YOU suggest?
Am I wrong for trying to FORCE my ten year old daughter to play with her nine year old sister at school?
2006-10-01 04:08:49 · 12 answers · asked by MAK 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My ten year old daughter is very mad at me about this-she says she'll lose all her friends if she's forced to play with a 'little kid.' She feels she plays with her sister at home and so she should have time with her friends too.
2006-10-01 04:15:24 · update #1
Yes, you guys are right-she's very shy -although not shy at home!!
2006-10-01 04:16:22 · update #2
Send her to school with a new hairstyle, purse outfit or anything to get the other girls in the class talking to her, even if its just i like your hair or cool purse. this might get her to open up. she might respond thanks my mom took me to this new salon or look my purse even has a place for pictures, thats me an my older cousin jason. do you see where iam going with this, girls at this age are realy into hair and clothes and boys. dont try and force your oldest to hang with her because this might make your youngest feel even worse.
2006-10-01 04:58:12 · answer #1 · answered by tracystacy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
particular because of the fact the older one will purely punish the extra youthful one for the compelled companionship,and the extra youthful one will resent the actuality of compelled friendship from the older one,your daughter will exchange into herseld at her own %. and could locate friends on her point,she would desire to be only extra of a loner which isn't a bad component she probable is an rather imganitive youthful lady and prefers her own corporation to that of the different childrens. If she seems depressed nevertheless and it keeps i might look for conceling for her,yet at this youthful of an age not something stable will come of forcing her sister or the different infants to play along with her.only take a seat alongside with your 9 3 hundred and sixty 5 days old and permit hertell you on her own without your prompeting something how she is feeling and what she would dealing with,stable luck & i desire this helped a minimum of somewhat.
2016-10-18 07:26:26 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You unfortunately can not choose your siblings so forcing your elder daughter to play with the younger one isn't going to help because they don't necessarily have to be friends.
If the school won't help then it obviously is going to have to rest with you, the parent to help your 9 year old out of this situation. Is your 9 year old not very confident? If that's the case try getting her to join after school clubs where she can make different friends and feel better about herself.
Does your 9 year old make enough effort with the other children at school. I'm 19 and I still remember that when I was at school I was painfully shy, the best advice my mum gave me is that friends won't appear out of nowhere you have to go and find them and make an effort to be nice. Once I started to come out of my shell a bit and actually talked to the other kids they soon included me in their games and I made lots of friends too.
At the same time 9 year olds can be horrid and if they are genuinely being awful people to your daughter they are not worth her time and attention anyway.
2006-10-01 04:17:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
my son who is 7 goes to school with his sister who is 4 and he ignores her when he sees her in school. she is so happy to see him and he totally ignores her. When i first saw it i noticed that she was so sad she burst into tears. That was the last time it happened. I put my foot down and let him know that it is not acceptable to treat his sister that way. they live together at home so i don't see why they shouldn't live like siblings at school. Your older child already realise that she is the poplar one and her sister is a loner so she is just trying to stay popular by proving to her friends that she will not hang out with her sister because she is not cool. you have to find a way to stop it. you don't want your younger child becoming depressed and start feeling unloved that can lead to other issues. force her to play with her sister if you have to but also encourage the other child to make her own friend. maybe you can visit the school at recess one day and ask her to choose a friend she would like to take for lunch and take them both to a McDonalds or some place fun so you can possibly initiate a friendship. do what you have to do but make sure the older one knows she has to look out for her sister all the times.
2006-10-01 04:22:10 · answer #4 · answered by sexylousleo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's natural for you to want your elder daughter to look after her sister at school - but you shouldn't push her too hard or you may jeopardise the friendships she has. Ask your younger daughter why the kids at school don't like her. Try to teach her how to make friends. I used to be really unpopular at school - i thought EVERYONE hated me. It turned out i was just paranoid and so i distanced myself from my peers. Once i became more friendly, i got friends - simple as that. It could be that the same is ture for your daughter.
ask the teacher why nothing has happened. Don't give in - this is your child's happiness. It's extremely important (if she feels unwanted at school, she may carry that through to adulthood and never learn to participate). MAKE the teacher do something about it - it's her problem too.
keep talking to both daughters. Let the younger know she IS loved, and try to persuade the elder one that she should WANT to look out for her little sister - don't push her, but explain to her gently that if she's not inclusive, her little sister may resent her later on.
good luck - i hope things work out for you!
2006-10-01 04:18:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
to be honest hun if you try and make them play together they are going to end up resenting each other. Try encouraging your younger daughter to makef riends or join a club after school it is a good way to make friends and it would solve the problem of having to make them play together. some times teachers do forget to organize these sort of things but maybe it should tell you something that you cant make people be friends with someone if they dont want to no matter how old you are.
2006-10-01 04:29:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
frankly, i think it's wrong to force ur elder one to sit with the younger one.. schools can be rather vicious.. i'd suggest that u take ur younger child out more often, i mean spend time with her.. there must be something that she is longing for.. else she will not bother about recess.. does she like to read books? or does she prefer to be popular? is it that she really wants a friend to spend time with? or that she really wants her sister's lifestyle? u might want to ponder on this stuff.. i kinda majored in psychology.. so, i learn about this stuff sometimes.. it will also be a big help if u observe the elder one.. what is the significant difference between both of them? and dont ever argue to the elder one about spending time with the younger one in school.. coz it will hurt ur younger daughter more cause it makes her to feel worthless that some else is to argur on her behalf.. like she doesnt have a life or something!
hope it helps!
2006-10-01 04:21:22 · answer #7 · answered by I need a vacation! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your younger daughter seems to be incredibly quiet or shy because she should have her own friends, regardless of her sisters popularity. She may have a lack of self esteem if she is constantly compared to her older sister, though.
It is not up to the school to get friends for your daughter. They have enough to deal with. Im sorry, but its true. You probably shouldnt force your older daughter to play with her sister, but you should talk with your younger one and try to build her self esteem.
2006-10-01 04:13:39 · answer #8 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, thats how sisters are supposed to do, take care of each other. And yes, thats a good idea, pairing kids coz other children may just be shy.
2006-10-01 04:13:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't force. it would be bad for both of them. if there is another school close-by that your younger daughter could go to instead, it would allow her to stop being in her older sister's shadow so she could come out and be herself. it's real hard to live in a shadow.
2006-10-01 04:13:13 · answer #10 · answered by Gabrielle 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋