my current boyfriend was drunk one night and my ex-husband ( his cusin) was taking him home . well the roads were wet and he was speeding and a deer ran out in front of them. My ex swerved to miss the deer and lost control of the truck and hit a tree and got killed. my boyfriend now blames himself and wishes it was him who would've died and is really depresses. My ex husbands mom tells the guy that it is his fault and that he killed her son. My boyfriend is really emotional about all this . we have only been dating for aweek but have known each other for years . the accident only happened about 7 months ago and i'm afraid that my boyfriend is going to loose this battle with depression . i don't think he will go to counsling for it and i really want to help him . he makes my life feel whole again and my son likes him alot too. I really want to know what i can do to help im over come this so he can be happy again.
2006-10-01 03:47:09 · 11 answers · asked by Tina 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
This reaction is called "survivor guilt" and it is a very normal response to a traumatic event. It is difficult for human beings to feel grateful for being alive while at the same time feeling intense sorrow for those who did not survive.
see links below for help
2006-10-01 04:02:11 · answer #1 · answered by BigBadWolf 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Very sorry for his, and your, pain through this ordeal. Your boyfriend had been drinking, well, thank goodness he wasn't drinking and driving - at least he can't be blamed for getting behind the wheel and killing others. Your ex was doing the right thing by driving him home since he was not able to drive himself. However, the deer running in to the roadway is something we can't control, and your ex's decision to swerve to miss it is something we can't judge as we were not there to know the circumstances. The tree being where is was is not something that could be controlled either. This is why these incidents are called 'accidents' - fate, if you will. The pain of being involved in a fatal accident takes a long time to deal with and work through -but I hope you can take some of our answers and help him understand it was not his fault. Always remember there are counselors out there to talk to also. Best of luck to you both.
2006-10-01 04:22:43 · answer #2 · answered by maj 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just to be sure i have this correct your Bf was not the one driving? It is natural to feel guilt to survive when some one you care about dies. I was out with my brother the night he committed suicide,we were at at the bar he was very drunk we offered to give him a ride home several times but he said no he had one. so my husband and I left.{ my brother was my husbands best friend} The next morning The police came to tell us that He was dead. When we found out that he was pulled over for drunk driving the nigh the night be fore we were devastated. That DUI would have cost him his job had he lived and we felt certain that this played a part in his choice. It hit my husband hard.He played the what if game " what if we had stayed a few minits longer and made sure he had a ride,what if we had made him come with us " He was horribly depressed, I thought for sure I would lose him too it took many trys to get him to go to counseling but in the end we when together. Be supportive,tell him you don't blame him and he should not blame himself. And above all Keep trying to get him to go. You can always call and talk to a counselor your self and see if they have any suggestions on how you can help him decide to go. good luck
2006-10-01 04:35:36 · answer #3 · answered by blue_eyed_brat78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they both were sober and this happened, nobody would be blaming anybody... an accident between man and nature. If your ex was sober and driving him home because he was drunk... same thing, an accident between man and nature that would have happened regardless. If it wasn't them on the road, a twist of fate may have seen the next car carrying 3 children startle the deer and hit the tree instead... one never knows.
If your ex was drinking, then they both made a bad choice that night, but your boyfriend can't hold himself completely responsible... he wasn't behind the wheel.
.
2006-10-01 04:11:57 · answer #4 · answered by mama_bears_den 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not much you can do he has to work through his demons and come to his own realization of the circumstances that played out.
at 17 I had a friend who was unlicensed and not an experienced driver, he needed me to drive him somewhere and I did not have time so he took his sisters car and went anyway. He wound up getting killed in a horrendous crash and I blamed myself for his death for nearly 15 years I still have issues coping with it. It will take a while for the actuality to register with him, right now all he can see is his friend is dead and would not be if he did not have to come and get him to begin with. Be patient and understanding and do your best to get him to agree to see a grief counselor.
2006-10-01 04:03:32 · answer #5 · answered by curiosity 101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lower back in worry-loose college, a woman i became kinda-sorta friends with died on the community swimming pool. No, she did not drown; she had an undiagnosed heart condition reported as long QT syndrome. in actuality what got here approximately is that once relax break, she jumped lower back into the pool. The surprising transition from warm to chilly made her heart end and he or she died. She became 8 years old. i became 11 or 12 on the time.
2016-10-18 07:25:56 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do except be a loving companion. Time will ease things..try to get him involved in something where he is helping others. Maybe he could talk to students about drinking and driving. Then you could show him that he is helping prevent another drinking accident.
2006-10-01 03:50:56 · answer #7 · answered by rcpaden 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe see if he will attend a church service or you could and see if a pastor could visit with him and assure him it wasn't his fault.
2006-10-01 03:52:40 · answer #8 · answered by mmshall 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you see you must tell your boyfriend that death is a beautiful thing, he must know that your ex is now in a better place among the stars. dont let him give up and stay close to his heart. stay very close to his heart and tell him that masterbastion is probly the cause of the depression, its messing with his fragile little mind, just stay close to his heart, close.
2006-10-01 03:54:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
he will see with time:)
2006-10-01 03:50:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋