You may or may not have seen my last question but I have frequent troubles in my relationship with my mother. My last question was asking how to deal with my mum's partners and ho much I didn't like the current one which meant that my mother and I fell out.
The thing is now my dad (my mother has always remained great friends with my dad) has told me that this current partner has upped and left.....AGAIN. Its all he ever does, in the past year he's gone about 10 times, no exaggeration here.
The ting is, do I now resolve the issue with my mum and just go over and comfort her at a time when she needs me or just carry on ignoring her as I have been, which now feels rather selfish, though I don't know how she'll react.
PLEASE help me.
2006-10-01 03:25:31 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am a single mother of two who finally came to the understanding that my dating life was wreaking havoc with my children. I needed to put my kids first. Exploring oneself by getting intimate with men you don't know well enough to know if you want a permanent commitment with, or if their character is decent (kids pick up on that faster), leads to breakups, and the whole process is VERY hard on a family. Frankly, I can see why you might have broken with her.
Be compassionate with your mother, but don't go to comfort her. You are the kid, to go and comfort her (or feel like you should) is a role reversal. Realize that she loves you and is doing her best, but that her choices are hurting you and it's not disloyal to be honest about that. Our first job in life is to learn to take good care of ourselves, and to do it. You are doing it, and I say good for you.
So the short version is be respectful of your mother, noncritical, compassionate, but don't abandon your true feelings. The relationship-hopping she does creates a very unstable environment for you to live in (it sounds like you've found stability with your dad, and good for you, stay there). That continues to be true. Maybe she will realize in between relationships one time that she is choosing her sex life over her children.
2006-10-01 03:40:17 · answer #1 · answered by Singinganddancing 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I suspect she was there for you when you needed her when growing up, and now she needs you. She is lonely. I wonder why she's put up with this current partner leaving her 10 times. Obviously he doesn't love her or doesn't know how to love. She needs to move on. This guy's not worth all her heartache. She's letting him walk all over her. Sounds like you need to form a new friendship with her, take her shopping, go out to eat, share some quality time together. Maybe just call her up and invite her to do something. Let her bring up the subject of the partner. Be understanding. Tell her you hate seeing her so upset. TELL HER YOU LOVE HER! Good luck.
2006-10-01 04:40:34 · answer #2 · answered by Blondie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
many years in the past, i'd have stated, "yet another rejection slip for my novel." yet no longer some thing hurts like receiving the files that someone you adore better than life itself has died. highly at the same time as that lack of life is unexpected and unpredicted. My heart is going out to each and each of the posters right here who've experienced that.
2016-11-25 20:24:45 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother will always be your mother and you should comfort her in her time of need she may or may not accept your comforting but stick it out and be there emotionally. As far as your dad goes it seems to me he has relationship issues if his partner keeps leaving.
2006-10-01 03:30:59 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A loss of a relatinship is a loss... It is not your responsibility to make her feel better. It seems like she has some personal issues that only she can change.
Your relationship with her is another thing,
You are a daughter and she a mother... that is the relationship that should be present... It takes two people to make it work,,,it seems to me she has put herself second in these relationships..many times
It is not up to you to judge her, even if you disagree with her choices, but if these choices are harmful to her, then I understand your quandry.....Maybe you can only have a surface relationship with her and you will have to be satisfied with that.... You have your own life to lead, so please put your energy there.
If you are able to forgive her for whatever history lies between you two, please do so and let it go..... Be her daughter and not her mother.......If she asks for your support, give what you can , but do not judge......
2006-10-01 03:31:31 · answer #5 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u definately MUST go n comfort her, burying all ego problems & other issues behind. Shez yor mum, u are in this world becoz of her, dont be so ungrateful to ignore her nd move on. Whatever way she reacts, u must try to give her a shoulder to cry on and a patient listning.
2006-10-01 03:31:10 · answer #6 · answered by fantasyland 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that you should comfort your mother you never know if the day that she feels like this may be her last and try to get along with her i never liked my mothers boyfriends because i knew that they would hurt her and i was the on that got to take care of her but i didnt mind it and it brought my mother and i closer together so comfort her make her feel that she is loved good luck
2006-10-01 03:31:33 · answer #7 · answered by tawni T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Visit your mother and comfort her. Don't bring up the past issues, leave them in the past where they belong. Take her out to eat, make her laugh. You'll be glad you did.
2006-10-01 03:38:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If i were u even though u have had a bad relationship with ur mom i would stop ignoring her b/c she rilly needs u and this may be ur only chance to repair that bad relationship.
hope i helped
2006-10-01 03:30:39 · answer #9 · answered by cutie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom has a real personality problem doesn't she? Make an effort to console her. You can do this by phone. She is your mom, you will always love her, but you do not have to like her.
2006-10-01 03:31:40 · answer #10 · answered by It All Matters.~☺♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋