A classmate of mine from high school was killed in a car accident. Since I graduated with 500 kids from high school, I did not really know this person well, but I was in a few classes with her. I can't say we were close, but I feel like I was still friends with her, seeing as we worked down the street from each other, and almost always run into each other.
I went to the funeral, mass, and burial, and then to the after party. I did feel a bit out of place, since everyone at the after party was a close friend or family member, but there were some other classmates of mine that were there, that I am close to.
My mother thought it was inappropriate to have attended the after party, but the family thought it was a nice gesture that someone she went to school with came. I expressed my concerns with her father and some of her cousins, and they all thought it was a nice gesture.
Was I right to have attended the after party?
2006-10-01 02:45:15 · 30 answers · asked by dropkickmurphyscasey 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It was right for you to attend
2006-10-01 02:47:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
Funerals are for the living and if you made this young woman's family feel better by remembering her and honouring her memory, you did the right thing. I'm not sure why your mother had a problem with it, but it is a fait-accompli and you did a good thing. Let your mom know you understand she feels it was inappropriate, but that in the end you actually did some good and you feel good about your decision. Agree to disagree and move on. Adults can respect their parents' opinions without being bound to them.
God Bless
2006-10-01 10:00:23 · answer #2 · answered by soobee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as you weren't going just to see who was there or something like that it was perfectly fine and a nice gesture to pay your respects to her family...Her family seemed to think it was a nice gesture so don't worry about it.....also...i'm not sure what it's called but i'm pretty sure its not an "after party"
2006-10-01 10:54:34 · answer #3 · answered by kuntry_guhl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, & as long as her family thought it was OK that is all that you care about. You let her family know that she was loved by people out side the family. 'll bet they saw a little part of her in the friends they saw at the after party.
2006-10-01 10:41:55 · answer #4 · answered by ancestorhorse 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not a after party.its called a 'wake'.
Your right and so is your mother.
I think It was nice of you to attend the wake....but you could have got into a few little sticky places.People really should know the person, to attend a wake...But you were lucky, to have nice people around...and they were cool with it.
On the other hand, your Mother may have been to one or two wakes....and knows, how they go.People talking about...the person they have lost...And...to you, really in all fairness...you didn't know that person. well.....but, it all worked out in the end....
2006-10-01 10:36:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it was appropriate to attend, especially as other classmates were there too. You were there for the family as much as for the deceased. You paid your respects to the family & I'm sure you didn't intrude. You did what you felt was right, so don't worry about it.
2006-10-01 10:33:28 · answer #6 · answered by Caro 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah. You knew each other and you liked her. I mean, are you just going to ignore her. I'm not the one to say this, but I think she would have wanted you there. At your funeral, wouldn't you want some old friends and classmates to show up. You're showing her your respect for her. It was defiantly your place.
2006-10-01 09:55:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the decease's family was glad you came then yes it was the right thing to do. I am glad you listened to your heart and not your mother. She is wrong about this. You sound like someone with good instincts. Bless you for the comfort you gave to your friend's family.
2006-10-01 09:52:40 · answer #8 · answered by al 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely,it was a sign of empathy and respect. It's a trying time for the family and all the gestures of support are welcome. I know, I've been there. It's a hard thing to do , you showed a good heart by going.
2006-10-01 09:53:03 · answer #9 · answered by selby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I think you did the right thing. Funerals, and the after funeral activites (I hate the word party in this context) are for all who want to come and pay their respects to the deceased.
2006-10-01 09:55:38 · answer #10 · answered by trishopesisters 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh darling, it's amazing how people have been living and dying for centuries and we will NEVER get used to it or know how to grieve. If you felt like you wanted to be there, and your intentions were geniune with honor, YES you certainly had a right to be there. My bro in law said to me when I didn't go to one (cuz I didn't even know the person) "you don't go for the person who has left us - you go to comfort the people you care about that lost him/her". Even tho u were not close to her, it sounded like you wanted to say good bye. Assure your mom that altho u didn't "know" her ~ you did have a sort of kindred relationship with her, and something told u that u wanted to be there.
No worries - God bless.
2006-10-01 10:07:31 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋