Is it right for parents to ask something in return.....?

Question

When parents give their children material gifts, is it right for them to ask their children to give something in return? for example, okey i give this laptop to you but you have to show me really good grades because if you dont then I would have to get it back.

this reaches a point where the child prefers not to receive any gifts because he/she knows that he will have to give/do something in return.

Answer 1

I think teaching children that you work for rewards is a valuable lesson in life. I also think its good to teach them to do certain things without being asked.

Sometimes as a parent you have to lead the way. For example you may start out telling a child that if they don't clean their room they cant watch television. You would hope however that they get to a point where they will clean their room before deciding to watch or. It's what I have to do as an adult and being a parent is after all about raising a responsible adult.

I think a parent has to set realistic goals for a child. If you have a straight C student and buy them a computer expecting straight As then you are living in la la land and setting them up to fail. The computer may be a start but I think sitting down with them and monitoring/assisting with the homework is more valuable.

A child has to learn that their behaviour (good or bad) has consequences but they also have to learn the value of doing things for themselves.

I get paid by work but only if I turn up and do a good job. I get to live in a lovely home but only if I keep it lovely. I get to have nice things but only if I pay my bills so the bailiffs don't turn up and take them away. I get to go out and have fun but only when all of the above are done.

A child gets rewards but only if they turn up at school and do their best. They get to have a nice room but only if the keep it clean. They to have nice things but only if they do their chores. They get to have fun with friends but only when all of the above are done.

Answer 2

A gift should be a gift - no strings attached.

On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with a child EARNING something they want - that's fair trade and a valuable lesson in the ways of the world.

My kids have all earned video games and DS's etc - with deals agreed beforehand. They didn't like the idea at first, but now they realise if they work hard enough, they can have pretty well anything they want, just not when they want it.

I don't believe in handing out these things, because that's not how the world works, and I think my job is to prepare them for what's ahead.

But a gift is still a gift. If I chose to give it, then it should be given freely, and once a gift is given, there should never be mention of taking it back.

Answer 3

It would depend on the situation. If the child wants a new laptop, then the parent can ask the child to prove they deserve. In essence they are teaching the child to work for what they want. If the new laptop is a present such as birthday or Christmas, then no, they can not demand something in return. However they can use that as a form of punishment. If the child's grades suffer after the present is given, they can in essence "ground" the child by taking away certain priveleges such as computer use or something else.

Answer 4

No it is not alright. A gift is given from the heart with no strings attached. It would be Ok to tell you that if you get good grades you will be given a laptop but not the other way around. This sounds very selfish to me.

Answer 5

I think sure as long as you're willing to follow Thu and you and the child have ground rules about what good grades are not to mention being safe on the computer like being willing to only use it in front of you if they are on the net. PS my computers have never brought trouble for my daughter yet. I hope and pray it stays that's way.

Answer 6

I think the laptop example is a fair one. Parents just want to make sure the kid will get good grades. They are not saying it to get something material back!!!

Answer 7

My children aren't old enough to understand the concept yet but when they are they will be tidying their rooms for money etc.

I was given pocket money every friday, it was only £5 but that was a lot to me. I didn't have to do anything in return for that, my mum left when i was young so now i understand my dad was probably trying to compensate for that but i never learnt the value of money & am now in debt, not a lot but enough so that i'll be paying it off for years to come!

Children need to learn that money doesn't grow on trees & it has to be earned, I don't want my kids to end up in debt!

Answer 8

the correct way to do this is tell them if you improve your grades next marking period you will get a new laptop, etc.
tell them what you want and what they will get for doing it. They may even want to negotiate , that's OK,
but a gift is a gift and shouldn't have strings attached

Answer 9

usually parents do that, but the opposite. they give the reward AFTER the kids get good grades or whatever it is. it's much better because if they give their kids a present they will always be in doubt whether they can keep it or they'll have to do something to be able to, and that's not nice.

Answer 10

yes it is. it should teach you that nothing is free and to be appreciative of what you do receive. everyone has to work for the things that they have otherwise we would all be walking around with silver spoons hanging out of our mouths. quit being a lazy ungrateful child and be glad your parents CAN give things and ask so little in return.