A nasty divorce cost me my daughter 21 years ago.I went to pick her up for a visit when she was 5 years old,and she cried like crazy.I have not seen her since,except some photos on the internet.Im not sure if I should stay away or what?Her mother and grandparents have lied about me since the last time I saw her.I am looking for some advice.
2006-10-01 00:14:16 · 15 answers · asked by packerman 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
that means your daughter is now 26 years old. Old enough to make up her own mind.
My partners kids did not see their dad for nine years and when he came back on the scene they had a lot of mixed emotions. Luckily for him and them we had the attitude that dads are important too and encouraged them to give him a chance.
When her kids got to the stage that they could leave the past in the past and not seek restitution for all the lost years their relationship with their father really took off.
It really doesnt matter whether your daughters mother and relatives have lied to her or not. It only matters that you are her dad and she is your daughter. Dont try to explain or blame anything or anyone. Simply make contact and tell her that you miss being a part of her life and would love to see her. Then it is a matter of waiting to see what response you get.
When you make contact enusre you give her several ways of contacting you and if she lives with her mother still find a way to make the contact directly with her o her mother does not intercept it.
Dont stay away. Do make contact. You may get hurt. Life is like that but sometimes you have to take a risk of getting hurt to find your way to something better.
2006-10-01 10:02:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good morning....I think before you can decide to see you daughter or not you must first decide if you are ready and willing to admit that you failed in your obligation as a father 21 years ago. If you can do that then you stand a chance of reconnecting. You might have felt justified at the time in staying away but you were not. A true commitment to your daughter would have been to love her and fight for her when things were tough. I spent 20 years not speaking to my father because we had a very difficult relationship. He was a self centered abusive drunk. When he became terminally ill with cancer my family urged me to make an effort to talk with him. Even under those circumstances I found it very difficult because I needed for him to own up to what he was and how he treated me. He never did. When he died the only regret I had was that he never told me he was sorry. I struggle with that to this day and it has been more than 10 years. Now there is no way to fix it. A well placed since apology and owning up to your own mistakes will go a long way. The natural love that exist between parent and child can be a good basis to start but dint count on it to fix the problem. It will take allot of work on both sides. Good luck. Denise
2006-10-01 08:27:51 · answer #2 · answered by scalawagsdream 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot can change between the ages of 5 and 26. And, just because she's been lied to doesn't necessarily mean she believes them. I say take a chance. What do you have to lose? If you don't take advantage of an opportunity to see her, you will never get to know her or whether things might've worked out between the two of you. Besides, she just might find that she likes you when she sees your true colors shining through.
2006-10-01 07:23:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I'd go ahead and try to make amends with her, just be sure to take it slow and spend some time with her, and explain why you weren't able to come around and be with her for all those years. If you really care about her and make an honest effort to communicate with her, and spend a lot of time with her, in time she may just be able to learn the truth about whom you really are and know that you really care about her. If she doesn't want anything to do with you, you can at least give her a way to contact you that way you show that you are sincere, and then if something goes wrong she'll have a way to contact you and then she'll see that you really do care when you help her. I'm sorry that this has happened to you and I hope that you and your daughter can reconcile. Best of luck to you...
2006-10-01 07:23:29 · answer #4 · answered by zekemilli4 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough situation. I would tell your daughter you want to be in her life. Let her ask questions and then you answer them as she asks them if she wants to hear them. Tell her there are always two sides to every story and since she is an adult, she may be more willing to listen and understand. Just be there for her and show her who you really are. I probably just wouldn't start blurting out all the bad stuff as she probably wouldn't listen. Just show her who you really are and she will know. Best wishes to you.
2006-10-01 07:19:21 · answer #5 · answered by Stephanie F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that depends if the lies were things like you don't have a father than you need to prove them wrong go and see this girl/your daughter.Although you need to make sure that there's no restraining order against you and if not go for it, but make sure you plan for the right time to go like a birthday or somthing.
2006-10-01 07:18:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go find her. Whats the worst that could happen? She could say she don't want to see you but then at least you know where you're at with her!
Good luck whatever
<3
2006-10-01 07:21:14 · answer #7 · answered by Me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go see her. She is not a 5 year old anymore. She is an adult
now and hopefully she will understand.
2006-10-01 07:17:55 · answer #8 · answered by angelblueeyes618 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better late than never. True love does not keep a record of wrongs.
VR
2006-10-01 07:17:50 · answer #9 · answered by sarayu 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do know she's thinking of you and wondering when you're going to walk back into her life. Everyday is one day longer.
2006-10-01 07:51:09 · answer #10 · answered by Amber C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋