i really want another child (i have a son whos 5 after christmas) with my partner but he always says he doesnt want any more, we talked about it and he said he didnt want to, he doesnt want any more of his freedom taken away, i explained that yes things would change but he would still be able to go to football training and stuff, what do you think i should do? i dont want my son to be an only child, i want him to grow up with lots of family around him.
2006-09-30 21:53:23 · 30 answers · asked by betty_boop81xx 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sorry, honey. That's a hard one (like I have to TELL YOU) to deal with. Keep talking about it. Tell him he'll have more freedom, not less eventually because the kids occupy one another's time. I had loads of sibs growing up and my daughter's an only.. (until I deliver in a week!) and I've seen the difference. Just keep asking, hon! When he asks what you want for Christmas, say a baby. When he asks what you want for your birthday, say a baby. When he asks what you want for dinner, say a baby. He'll get the idea and since he loves you I can see him coming around. If you want it, I always say, that desire is there (from God) for a good reason. Best wishes!
2006-09-30 22:45:07 · answer #1 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
worse than being an only child is bring an unwanted child into your relationship. Trust me, your partner will resent you and the child. Only wanted children should be brought into this world purposefully. I also think you should just find solace in having one child. Why have you not married? Is he going to committ to you? It's been 5 years and I would say he has some serious committment issues if he is still not ready to get married. If that is the case, I would move out with your son and when he is ready for a real marriage, have him give you a call. Dr. Laura Schlessinger would be all over this subject with you. He was the perks of beiing married but not the committment. Forget that. You are not his hooker. Leave him until he decides what he truly wants.
2006-09-30 22:41:57 · answer #2 · answered by oneradnursey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't just go and get pregnant, he may resent the child, and kids pick up on this sort of thing.
Don't get pregnant by someone else, that's just stupid.
You need to talk about this properly, find out what his reasons, are, tell him how you feel, have you friends that have more than one child, if so point out how it works for them. Explain your concenrs for you son growing up an only child. It could be he is worried about the financial aspect of another child, although if you waited till you could afford a child, nobody would ever have them.
The most important thing is sit down and really talk about it, if your feelings are so strong about wanting another child and he is adamant he doesnt, then you need to consider if you can get through this, as someone will have to give in on this.
Did anything happen in your last pregnancy that may be causing him to have fear, wanting to keep his freedom could be a smoke screen for other fears.
2006-09-30 22:08:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Betty
I have only 1 daughter shes is 22 now and has a son of her own, which makes me a granny. I really wanted a big family but after my daughter was born they told me i couldn't have any more. Its not good to have an only child the old saying is AN ONLY CHILD IS A LONELY CHILD. I can tell you that this is very true. tell your partner that is not fair on your son, he will always have to defend himself as he wont have any brothers are sisters to help him are vice versea, i understand your son at 5yrs old will have all the love from the both of you. I don't mean any of this will happen to you but it end up my hubby walked out on me after 18yrs of marriage took of with another girl and now the have a daughter. & years on i am still not over it. Let him read this maybe it will change his mind. You can always walk away from him. Dont let him lay down the law
2006-09-30 22:17:07 · answer #4 · answered by chass_lee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I fully appreciate your concern about your present child requiring family members around him for support. Yet, your husband's point is perfectly valid, too.
Look at this way: your present child will be the center of all your love and attention. He will enjoy all the priveleges that your money can provide, such as a better quality education, better entertainment, a better lifestyle, etc. You can give him the best of the world. A second or third child will automatically divide your love, your attention, your money, everything.
Lack of family members can be compensated by lots of friends who really matter. I have always seen individuals enjoying the depth of good friendships over the bickering with siblings.
A good alternative to channelize your motherly affection is to visit orphanages on some yearly occasion, such as your son's birthday or your marriage anniversary, and splurge on the small demands of the tiny-tots there. Believe me, your son will enjoy these occasions much more than the twenty-four-hour presence of a brother / sister he will end up resenting.!
Hth.
2006-09-30 22:05:11 · answer #5 · answered by ssjagrawal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi i would bring up having another baby again and see what he says just explain what you have explained to us that you want lots of family around you son and you dont want him to be the only child. I think its selfish of him saying that you having a baby together is going to stop him going to football training and seem to disurb what he wants to do. He should be greatful he even has a son. I think your partener needs to grow up think about yours and your sons needs. If he thinks that your 1 child has taken his freedom away then he seems not ideal for you. If he says he doesnt want to again. And you really do want one try and get pregnant without him knowing, what can he do if it just happends unexpected as obviously it can sometimes even if you are using birth controls. If he then trys for you to get rid of the baby or other excuses he will give you, you can find someone else who is better for you.Its up to you.
2006-10-01 07:43:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm , Thats a Toughy . You both have to want the baby or its prolly NOT a good idea. He might start resenting you if you 4get to take a pill , or something like that . Even if you convince him , you know that he didnt want to do it in the 1st place , & if u-2 end up splitting becuase of this , you will have 2 children with a not so perfect home-life. Seems like you have 2 options ....1: try & be content with the current situation . OR 2: Find a man who wants a larger family. My best buddy & his GF of 6 years , just recently split up because of this exact reason. You never saw 2 people who truly love eachother like these 2 , But , He didnt want children & she did. It was a shame. Well , whatever you decide to do , I wish you luck !! It may be a life-changing event. Think it over ...CAREFULLY!
2006-09-30 22:05:42 · answer #7 · answered by groggro 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A mans life doesn't change anyway when a new baby is born! It's the mum that has her life turned up side down, not the man! Tell him how you feel and tell him how you want your son to grow up having a brother or sister for company. Ask him if he would have liked to have been an only child.. and if he was one, ask him did he enjoy being lonely? Good luck.
2006-09-30 23:53:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep communicating about your needs, try to take time out for dinner to discuss just this subject real seriously. At this meeting go with an open mind and hear his side of the story more clearly, and then propose solutions together. You haven't mentioned cost of raising another kid. Usually this is a man's biggest concern when they want to give the best to their children. If all these issues are covered, then you two can agree on a decision. At that point, which ever way it goes, respect eachother's wishes. If you lose, and still feel very strongly about having another baby, go back to him and tell him, u feel strongly. and at this point, discuss how your unreconciled problem can be resolved together. Please don't go the route of deciding alone, it will be the beginning of a 'problem relationship'.
2006-09-30 22:02:23 · answer #9 · answered by jackbauer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some guys feel like a child would take, a lot of his "personal time" away. if you discussed this with him and he still says no. try artificial insemination, that way he would have no commitment to the child. Or try adoption. If you don't try these then get a new partner. There's only so long a woman has, until she can't have anymore children.
2006-09-30 22:02:35 · answer #10 · answered by advice_lady101 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋