Should parents invoke fear in their children in order to discipline them?

Question

I know of parents who take the reins when it comes to their children. Their reason? They are doing it for their kids' sake so they can finish their studies, avoid temptations and later on be successful in life. Does it work?

Answer 1

boy this one is tough. my parents always scared the living bejesus out of me and i didnt turn out so bad... they also beat the crap out of me (spanking, belt, face slaps, etc) and i still didnt turn out half bad... but when it came to my own kids i tried never to hit them like my parents did. ( to be honest i never did... i broke the cycle.) I think the total times i gave my children (both of them added together) was maybe 5 slaps on the behind. you should never hit a child in the face or anywhere but the behind. (butt)
but every child is different. if timeouts work do that ...or take away toys or sometimes just taking them aside and TALKING TO THEM would be better than instilling fear either by physical means or emotional means.

Answer 2

So if what you are saying is, if you do this, something bad will happen. I think is a good thing.It gives a child a sense of right or wrong. At an early age so that they can then build on these lessons thoughout their lives. You are teaching them that they will get hurt if they do this, thus protecting them, for the future. Fear on the other hand can be counter productive you can turn a child into a nervous wreck, and fearful of the world, if you do it too much. If you don't do it at all you have an over confident person who blunders through life causing havoc. You have to gauge you childs reactions to the discipline. Some Kids will respond well and some will need a little more reinforcing. Fear can be a good or bad experience. its all about balance, and judgement. and assesing what works best for your kid at the end of the day. All kids can be good or bad you've just got to give them a fighting chance, before they reach the perils of being a teenager.

Answer 3

Personally there really is no one way to raise a child. There is no one standard. What may work for one kid might not work for another.
I had a very healthy respect for my mother and a very healthy fear of doing wrong. In life everything has consequences. Put your hand on a hot stove you get burn. Keep hitting a dog it will probably bite you. So I don't lay a blanket on discipline. As long as it not beating the crap out of a child or making them feel like a dummy I don't really say your right or wrong.
When I put my foot through my mother's brand new coffee table and then tried to hide the evidence. Well let's say when she found out I got the belt. I learned many things from this form of discipline. One, take responsiblities for your own actions you still may get punished but it's better than disappointing yourself and those around you.
Two pretty damn stupid to stand on a coffee table in the first place.
Three there are boundaries and expectations I needed to meet and have as a child.

Sometimes a child does not need a friend they need a parent. How you deal with your child is probably just as ok as someone who uses another method.

I think there has to be a set standard in your punishments.

And yes the older I got the less whoppings I got. Until I was the age where my mother sat me down and talked and told me that this was my time and it was time that I was responsible for my own actions.

At that moment I preferred the whoppings this freedom was more scary. But I have learn to accept the actions that I take.

I am not going to sue Mc Donald's because I was dumb enough to pour hot coffee on myself. If I rob a bank I expect that I won't get away with it. Plain and simple it was my fault I take responsiblity for it. Just like my success are my own responsiblities and this all came from the sort of discipline that was set in my house.

Answer 4

Is the fear REAL, like if you run in the street you can get hit by a car and Killed, or you do drugs you can die or become a addict, that is REAL stuff and kids need to know that life is REAL and not make believe, so good for them. Some people learn from listening and some from the school of hard knocks, I tell my kids about the real world and also the hopes I have for them, but they will do what they want and I hope that they make wiser choices when I am not around because of things I have told them.

Answer 5

Maybe I'm misunderstanding your question or I'm really old fashioned. Fear is very important when you discipline children. I'm not saying you scare the life out of them and make them sniveling cowards in a corner, but if they aren't afraid of the consequences of their actions, then what's to keep them from wrong doing?

I don't kill people when I get angry at them because I'm in fear. I'm in fear of how it would hurt my family, how it would hurt that persons family, not being able to live with how I would feel if I were to do it, or going to prison. If I weren't afraid of the consequences, I'd do it.

My 3 yr. old doesn't stick stuff into the light sockets because she's afraid that I'll spank her again. She doesn't have the comprehension to understand that the light socket will hurt her, and explaining to a child that if she sticks the fork into that hole she'll have 220 volts of electricity run through her body is just generally a bad idea won't work. You're either going to have to make her afraid to do it because she'll be in trouble or somehow get her to grasp the fact that her toes are going to be blown off of her body therein applying fear of bodily harm.

I take the reins so to speak with my children. I push them. If I didn't they'd be laying on the couch in a pile of filth. My thirteen year old daughter is afraid she'll turn out like her dead beat Uncle that killed himself if she doesn't make an effort to get her education and a decent job. There again, implanted fear. I believe that it's necessary to some degree. Hopefully it'll keep her out of the court system, off of welfare, and enforce a morality that her friends will never give her.

Therefore I believe it works for serious matters. Smaller infractions don't warrant this. If it's not something that can hurt them or someone else then showing your disappointment in the action is sufficient. And then no consequences are needed.

Answer 6

No No No...Parents should not invoke fear in their children in order to discipline them... sit them down and talk to them, tell them what is right and what is wrong. A child will learn more if they are taught right. We, as parents have a duty to ensure that we give the best advice to our children in order for them to get the best out of their life, whether it be education, manners, good behaviour. putting the fear of god into a person will make them insecure later on in life.

Answer 7

I don't have any children, pregnant with my first. I can understand why parents do this, but I don't agree. I believe that respect is more important than fear. You want to be able to build trust and a relationship with your child so that your child can come to you about anything.

Growing up, I wasn't necessarily "scared" of my parents, I didn't want to do anything to disappoint them. I'm 29 years old now and it wasn't until I was 26 that I felt like my parents saw me as adult. There's nothing wrong with discipline....but fear is another thing.

Answer 8

My father brought me up from a young age along with older siblings, he was very strict, I was scared of him as he has quite a temper on him. I didn't go off the rails, nor did any of my brothers or sisters although I did things he would've given me more than a slap for should he have found out!

From personal experience I know it works but it has to be consistent, these parents who say "yeah we're strict but then he keeps on so he gets his way" they are the ones with children that go off the rails because they know their parents will give in!

It does sound harsh to make your children afraid of you but why do you think there are so many yobs roaming the streets these days?

Saying all this I am not saying I would go for that approach, I don't want my children to be afraid of me, I want them to be able to come & talk to me about anything they feel they need to so for that reason I am going to be open & honest with my children about my past so they realise I am a human just like any other with mistakes & regrets.

Answer 9

fear comes instinctively more than respect or obedience, especially if they are young.it depends on the child's personality whether he/she will follow only based on love n respect, mostly that isnt even th case.it is almost always beyond their reasoning why they are told the things they are supposed to do, so some measure of fear might be necessary though not for punishment and not always but in specific cases when they are most likely to rebel. at a very young age, fear might be a starter to abide but as a child matures, if parents are caring, they forget the fear and follow with love. and it works.

Answer 10

Absolutely NOT! Embedding fear in a young persons brain for disciplining causes much more harm and not much good. If you want your child to grow up with phobias, rebellion, and possibly other psych problems then this route will definitely do it. I believe that you should discipline them by other routes then this method. Be firm, strict, and demand respect and give respect back.