I have been dating this guy for a year. We have been having a few problems lately, but for the most part I love him and I think he loves me. But, we live together and he says he is not ready to get married. I can't continue to live like this because it makes me feel really uncomfortable. We don't have sex anymore. I don't want to just make him leave tomorrow because I'll be putting him out in the streets. I care too much about him. But, I am hurting because I don't feel like we want the same. How do I tell him that we need to separate and make sure that it happens in a timely manner. Help me with suggestions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-30 19:11:27 · 23 answers · asked by destinyone 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You should certainly try talking with him. Let him know that you love him, but you are no longer comfortable with your living arrangements. Tell him that lately you both have had differing visions for your future and that you're at the point where you are ready to continue with or without him in your life and since he is not ready to make a final commitment you cannot move on with him continuing to live with you.
Give a reasonable, but specific date within which to move and even offer to help him find a place (if you feel comfortable with that) so you can speed his moving process.
Doing this can also help with your healing process because you will know it's definite that he is leaving since you are helping him find a place to go, bringing you closure faster.
2006-09-30 19:44:15 · answer #1 · answered by solgiver 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol sorry can't help it........
*sings* there are 50 ways to leave your lover....
Just slip out the back Jack,
just hop on the bus Gus.....
just drop of your key Lee, and listen to me............. *continues humming that song while typing* o.O;
lol now that song will be stuck in my head forever....
okay okay... ^_~ actually i had this same problem myself to be honest, before i got married.....
we lived in seperate states, so we went ahead and decided to live together, and planned on marrying, but eventually my husband , boyfriend then, told me he wasnt sure if he wanted to get married yet, wasnt ready, and that "we love eachother and are fine living together now, what do we have to go through a ceremony and sign papers right away? why can't we just stay like this?"
so what I did, is I found a time where i let him know i wanted to have a lil "Chat" ^_~ and I told him how i felt, that i wasnt comfortable with the idea of living together without getting married soon....... that if we were to continue living together, we should start planning something........ otherwise it would be best to live seperately.......
I don't know if that's really advice or if that helps any, but it's all i've got ^_^ Good luck ....
2006-10-01 02:24:43 · answer #2 · answered by kawaiimiyo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him exactly what you told us.
He can take it, he's a big boy.
Let him know you'll give him until the end of next week to move out his stuff. If that time comes and he has taken advantage of your generosity then have the guts to put it in trash bags on the door step and change the locks.
He'll know you're serious.
Hey...it's okay BTW. You aren't a bad person for feeling this way. They are your feelings and you would be doing him and you a disservice by denying your feelings okay?
Good luck babe :) You can do it!
2006-10-01 02:16:11 · answer #3 · answered by Ponderpink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want him to leave or make a commitment? Tell him he has two weeks to leave then change the locks or you leave. Y'all already live together minus well get married or at least set the date. We men usually drag our feet when women start talking about Marriage, and it has nothing to do with how we feel about the woman. Every time a man gets married a bachelor dies.
2006-10-01 02:28:50 · answer #4 · answered by Daddy Big Dawg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quoting you: "we need to separate and make sure that it happens in a timely manner." Explain it to him that this relationship is not working out for you and you would like him to leave. Tell him that you would like him to start looking for a place to live now and expect to move out in 3 weeks.
2006-10-01 02:14:36 · answer #5 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said in the first sentence "i love him and i think he loves me back" how can you love someone and want them to leave? If you don't want to be with him anymore, tell him! Let him know how you feel. If you care about him so much, help him out with finding a new home, you don't have to necessarily just throw him out on the street.
2006-10-01 02:18:49 · answer #6 · answered by Goose Feet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down, tell him that you feel that your lives are going in different directions, and that you want both of you to have a chance to explore where these different directions will take you. Then suggest a reasonable timeframe (a month?) for him to find somewhere else to stay, and most importantly, when that time is up, follow through.
2006-10-01 02:13:56 · answer #7 · answered by Liz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is a really big problem because you are dealing with someone's feelings
i would try to be honest and tell him exactly how you are feeling....he might be feeling the same way...maybe some time apart might make him realize that he really does want to get married or maybe it's just time...and i know it's really painful to admit this...to move on....
breaking apart is not easy.......staying together just because is not easy either....
2006-10-01 02:15:56 · answer #8 · answered by bertha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell him that things are not working out and you'd like to spend some time apart and see what happens. that when he is ready to make a commitment he should call you up and see if you are still available. but if you really love him then maybe you should give him more time to sort things out. he sounds immature and maybe as time passes he'll grow up. maybe he'll miss you so badly he'll propose to you...
2006-10-01 02:14:42 · answer #9 · answered by ♪ ♫ ☮ NYbron ☮ ♪ ♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont let getting married mess up a good relationship marrige aint everything you just want to impress your family and friends if you love this man be with him after while you will feel like your are married. its nothing but a peace of paper.
2006-10-01 02:18:22 · answer #10 · answered by spades c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋