I wrote this poem when I was 16 and now several years later, looking back I'm wondering if its any good at all. Can u plz tell me what do u think of it?
My Perfect Fairytale
Oh,
how I loved that day,
when everything happenned my way,
The skies were green
and the leaves were blue,
I was queen
in a dream so true.
We bumped into each other,
and I stepped onto his toe,
Little did I know,
he was my knight in shining armour.
He gazed into my eyes,
and I noticed a glint of sadness in his,
I felt an urge to share a slice
of his miseries.
And so,
I held his hand
and whisked him away,
to a land
so faraway.
We shared our dreams,
We shared our burdens,
We built a kingdom,
of our own imagination.
Needless to say,
We lived happily ever after,
The perfect way,
to end my fairytale.
2006-09-30 17:55:48 · 5 answers · asked by Anjali 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You could improve on your style/technique but the message is quite lovely, and no it is not too childish. This world is full of harshness, so it is very nice to be able to escape into a realm of gentle beauty like you've done in this poem.
2006-09-30 18:05:22 · answer #1 · answered by Bethany 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not childish... it's romantic.
I still love the story about Cinderella... & I'm 52 (going on 39).
2006-10-01 01:22:05 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its achingly innocent..!!!there's a freshness to it since it was written for the love of writing,not publishin or printing...it is not a mature style,but its poetry nonetheless!!
2006-10-01 01:31:39 · answer #3 · answered by Victoria C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Eh...Don't quit your day job.
2006-10-01 01:27:53 · answer #4 · answered by HowlnWoof 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nope, it's pretty good.
2006-10-01 01:13:04 · answer #5 · answered by Island_Mommy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋